Different types of relationships in the family. What kind of relationships are there in a family? Relationships in a normal family

Relationships in the family as a factor in the emotional well-being of its members

Introduction

Chapter I. Relationships in the family. Family as a socio-cultural environment for education and personal development

Types of family relationships

1.3. Relationships between parents and children as a psychological and pedagogical problem

1.5. Basics of formation harmonious relations in family

Chapter II. Study of the nature of relationships in the family as a factor contributing to the emotional well-being of its members

2.1 Relationships in the family as a factor in the well-being of its members

2.2 Studying the nature of relationships in the family. Analysis of the results obtained

Conclusion

Bibliography

Applications

Introduction

Family is one of the greatest values created by humanity in the entire history of its existence. Not a single nation, not a single cultural community can do without family. Society and the state are interested in its positive development, preservation, and strengthening; every person, regardless of age, needs a strong, reliable family.

It is the family, being the first and most significant guide for the child social influence, “introduces” him into all the diversity of family relationships, home life, evoking certain feelings, actions, ways of behavior, influencing the formation of habits, character traits, and mental properties. The child uses all this “baggage” not only in real life: much of what he learned in childhood will determine his qualities as a future family man. Newlyweds, creating their nest, shaping its way of life, style of family life, raising their first child, usually take their home as a model (or anti-model, if they are “unlucky” with their parents) as a source of social, emotional, and cognitive experience. The issue of education is one of the most important issues of human existence, since it has a direct and immediate connection with the evolution of mankind. With the goal of helping to identify the inner essence of a person and the formation of his character, education creates the person himself.

The issue of family relationships has always been and is being given significant attention by humanity at all stages of development. from uncultured savages, who also put into this matter something accessible to their understanding, to perfect cultured peoples, among whom this question is posed with greater or less breadth and completeness.

Many writers, philosophers and thinkers addressed in their works the problem of the family as the most living, most important and pressing problem of society, on the solution of which very, very much depends. L.N. Tolstoy said that the family is a whole state in miniature. in turn, the future of each state is contained in its families, for the future of our planet depends not only on our activities, but also on the work of our successors.

Confucius spoke about the need to establish harmonious, bright, good relationships in the family, relationships based on mutual love for each other, mutual assistance and mutual assistance, since the harmonious development of all its members and the benefits that they can bring to other people in their lives depend on this. public life.

The family is the unit of society, the most important form of organizing personal life, based on marital union and family ties.

Kovaleva L.E. in her works says that the main thing in raising a little person is to achieve spiritual unity, a moral connection between parents and the child. In the book by R.V. Tonkova-Yampolskaya it is written that it is in the family that a child receives his first life experience, makes his first observations and learns how to behave in various situations. It is very important that what the child is taught is supported by specific examples, so that he can see that in adults, theory does not diverge from practice.

IN healthy families parents and children are connected by natural everyday contacts. The word “contact” in a pedagogical sense can mean ideological, moral, intellectual, emotional, business connections between parents and children, such close communication between them, as a result of which spiritual unity and consistency of basic life aspirations and actions arise. The natural basis of such relationships is made up of family ties, a sense of motherhood and fatherhood, which are manifested in parental love and the caring attachment of children to their parents.

Subject course work“Relationships in the family as a factor in the emotional well-being of its members.” The topic is quite relevant since the child is in the family for a significant part of his life, and in terms of the duration of its impact on the individual, none of the educational institutions can compare with the family. It lays the foundations of the child’s personality, and by the time he enters school, he is already more than half formed as a person. Distinctive feature educational work is that a person finds in it incomparable happiness. Continuing the human race, the father and mother repeat themselves in the child, and moral responsibility for a person, for his future, depends on how conscious this repetition is. Every moment of the work called education is a creation of the future and a look into the future.

The purpose of the work is to study the characteristics of relationships in the family as a factor of emotional well-being.

The object of the study is emotional well-being in the family.

The subject is the features of relationships in the family that affect the emotional well-being of its members.

The purpose and subject of the study determined the following tasks:

a) Analyze methodological and scientific literature on the research problem

b) reveal the concept of family as a system

c) identify features of family relationships

d) determine the influence of family relationships on the development of the child’s personality

When performing work, the following methods are used: information collection, analysis, generalization. The theoretical significance of the work lies in the fact that material on the research problem has been collected and systematized. The practical significance of the work is determined by the ability to use the presented materials when psychologists and teachers work with parents.

The work consists of two parts: theoretical, where the analysis of scientific material and generalization of data is carried out, and practical, where the dependence of the child’s development on the nature of relationships in the family of the educational system used is explored.

Analysis collected materials allowed us to formulate a general research hypothesis: relationships in the family influence the emotional well-being of its members in later life; the family can act as both a positive and negative factor in upbringing. The positive impact on the child’s personality is that no one, except the people closest to him in the family - mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, brother, sister, treats the child better, loves him and cares so much about him. And at the same time, no other social institution can potentially cause as much harm in raising children as a family can do.

Chapter I. Family as a socio-cultural environment for education and personal development

1.1 Family - a social institution

The family is historically changing social group, the universal features of which are heterosexual relationships, a system of kinship relationships and the development of social individual qualities of the individual and the implementation of certain economic activities.

A social institution is understood as an organized system of connections and social norms that unites significant social values and procedures that satisfy the basic needs of society. In this definition, social values are understood as shared ideas and goals, social procedures are standardized patterns of behavior in group processes, and a system of social connections is the interweaving of roles and statuses through which this behavior is carried out and maintained within certain limits.

The institution of family includes a set of social values (love, attitude towards children, family life), social procedures (caring for the upbringing of children, their physical development, family rules and responsibilities); interweaving of roles and statuses (status and roles of husband, wife, child, teenager, mother-in-law, mother-in-law, brothers, etc.), with the help of which family life is carried out. Thus, an institution is a unique form family relationships characteristics activities based on a clearly developed ideology; a system of rules and norms, and developed social control over their implementation. Institutions maintain social structures and order in society.

The separation of the institution of family from other institutions of society (state, business, education, religion, etc.) is not accidental. It is the family that is recognized by all researchers as the main carrier of cultural patterns inherited from generation to generation, as well as a necessary condition for the socialization of the individual. It is in the family that a person learns social roles and receives the basics of education and upbringing.

The most complete functions of the family as social institution the sociologist identifies: the function of sexual regulation, reproductive, function of emotional satisfaction, status function, protective function, economic function.

Of the factors of socialization, the most important and influential was and remains the parental family as the primary unit of society, the influence of which the child experiences first of all, when he is most susceptible. Family conditions including social status, occupation, material level and level of education of parents largely determine the child’s life path. In addition to the conscious, purposeful education that his parents give him, the child is influenced by the entire intra-family atmosphere, and the effect of this influence accumulates with age, refracting in the structure of the personality.

There is practically no social or psychological aspect of the behavior of adolescents and young men that does not depend on their family conditions in the present or past. True, the nature of this dependence is changing. Thus, if in the past a child’s school performance and the duration of his education depended mainly on the financial level of the family, now this factor is less influential. According to Leningrad sociologist E.K. Vasilyeva (1975), among parents with higher education, the proportion of children with high academic performance (average score above 4) is three times higher than in the group of families with parents with less than seven grades of education. This dependence persists even in high school, when children have the skills independent work and do not need direct help from parents [2].

A significant influence on a teenager’s personality is exerted by the style of his relationship with his parents, which is only partly determined by their social status.

Family socialization does not come down to direct “paired” interaction between the child and his parents. The mechanism of psychological counteraction is no less important: a young man whose freedom is severely limited can develop an increased desire for independence, and one who is allowed everything can grow up dependent. Therefore, the specific properties of a child’s personality cannot, in principle, be deduced either from the properties of his parents (either by similarity or contrast), or from individual methods of education.

At the same time, the emotional tone of family relationships and the type of control and discipline prevailing in the family are very important. Psychologists present the emotional tone of the relationship between parents and children in the form of a scale, at one pole of which there are the closest, warm, friendly relationships (parental love), and at the other - distant, cold and hostile. In the first case, the main means of education are attention and encouragement, in the second - severity and punishment. Many studies prove the advantages of the first approach. Emotional tone family education does not exist on its own, but in connection with a certain type of control and discipline aimed at developing the appropriate character traits. Different ways Parental control can also be presented in the form of a scale, at one pole of which there is high activity, independence and initiative of the child, and at the other - passivity, dependence, blind obedience.

Behind these types of relationships there is not only a distribution of power, but also a different direction of intrafamily communication: in some cases, communication is directed primarily or exclusively from parents to the child, in others - from the child to the parents.

In our country there are different styles family education, which largely depend on both national traditions and individual characteristics. However, in general, our treatment of children is much more authoritarian and harsh than we are inclined to admit.

No matter how great the influence of parents on the formation of personality, its peak occurs not in adolescence, but in the first years of life. By high school, the style of relationships with parents has long been established, and it is impossible to “undo” the effect of past experience.

At the core emotional attachment The child is initially dependent on his parents. As independence grows, especially in adolescence, such dependence begins to burden the child. It’s very bad when he lacks parental love. But there is quite reliable psychological evidence that excess emotional warmth is also harmful for both boys and girls. It makes it difficult for them to form their internal anatomy and gives rise to a persistent need for care, dependence as a character trait. A too cozy parental nest does not stimulate the grown chick to fly out into the contradictory and complex adult world.

Thinking abstractly, good parents know much more about their child than anyone else, even more than he himself. After all, his parents watch him every day throughout his life. But the changes that happen to a teenager often happen too quickly for the parent's eye. The child has grown, changed, and loving parents they still see him as he was several years ago, and their own opinion seems infallible to them. “The main problem with our parents is that they knew us when we were little,” noted 15 - year old boy. The first task of parents is to find a common solution and convince each other. If a compromise has to be made, it is imperative that the basic requirements of the parties are satisfied. When one parent makes a decision, he must remember the position of the other. The second task is to make sure that the child does not see contradictions in the positions of the parents, i.e. It is better to discuss these issues without him.

When making a decision, parents should put in the first place not their own views, but what will be more useful for the child.

1.2 Types of family relationships

Each family objectively develops a certain system of education. This refers to an understanding of the goals of education, the formulation of its tasks, the targeted application of methods and techniques of education, taking into account what can and cannot be allowed in relation to the child. Four tactics of upbringing in the family can be distinguished and four types of family relationships corresponding to them, which are both a prerequisite and a result of their occurrence: dictate, guardianship, “non-interference” and cooperation.

Diktat in the family is manifested in the systematic behavior of some family members (mainly adults) initiatives and feelings self-esteem from its other members. Of course, they can and should make demands on their child, based on the goals of education, moral standards, and specific situations in which it is necessary to make pedagogically and morally justified decisions. However, those of them who prefer order and violence to all types of influence are faced with the resistance of a child who responds to pressure, coercion, and threats with his own countermeasures: hypocrisy, deception, outbursts of rudeness, and sometimes outright hatred. But even if resistance turns out to be broken, many valuable personality traits are broken along with it: independence, self-esteem, initiative, faith in oneself and in one’s capabilities. The reckless authoritarianism of parents, ignoring the interests and opinions of the child, the systematic deprivation of his right to vote in resolving issues related to him - all this is a guarantee of serious failures in the formation of his personality.

Family guardianship is a system of relationships where parents, while ensuring through their work that all the child’s needs are met, protect him from any worries, efforts and difficulties, taking them upon himself. The question of active personality formation fades into the background. Another problem turns out to be the center of educational influences - meeting the child’s needs and protecting him from difficulties. Parents block the process of seriously preparing their children to face reality beyond the threshold of their home. It is these children who turn out to be more unadapted to life in a group. According to psychological observations, it is this category of adolescents that produces the largest number of breakdowns during adolescence. It is these children, who seem to have nothing to complain about, who begin to rebel against excessive parental care. If dictate implies violence, order, strict authoritarianism, then guardianship means care, protection from difficulties. However, the result is largely the same: children lack independence, initiative, they are somehow removed from solving issues that personally concern them, and even more so general family problems.

The system of interpersonal relations in the family, built on the recognition of the possibility and even expediency of independent existence of adults from children, can be generated by the tactics of “non-interference.” It is assumed that two worlds can coexist: adults and children, and neither one nor the other should cross the line thus drawn. Most often, this type of relationship is based on the passivity of parents as educators.

Cooperation as a type of relationship in a family presupposes the mediation of interpersonal relationships in the family by common goals and objectives of joint activity, its organization and high moral values. It is in this situation that the child’s selfish individualism is overcome. A family, where the leading type of relationship is cooperation, acquires a special quality and becomes a group of a high level of development - a team.

1.3 Relationships between parents and children as a psychological and pedagogical problem

There is a complex, paradoxical problem in the relationship between parents, teachers and children. Its complexity lies in the hidden, intimate nature of human relationships, the scrupulousness of “external” penetration into. And the paradox is that, despite all its importance, parents and teachers usually do not notice it, because they do not have the necessary psychological and pedagogical information for this.

The relationship between parents and children develops over the years into certain typical options, regardless of whether they are realized or not. Such options begin to exist as the reality of relationships. Moreover, they can be presented in a certain structure - successive stages of development. Types of relationships emerge gradually. Parents turn to a teacher or psychologist, as a rule, about anxiety that arose “yesterday”, “a week ago” conflict situation. That is, they do not see the process of development of relationships, not their sequence and logic, but, as it seems to them, a sudden, inexplicable, amazing event.

Conflict in the relationship between parents and children extremely rarely arises accidentally and suddenly. Nature itself took care of the mutual affection of parents and children, giving them a kind of advance in the feeling of love and need for each other. But how parents and children use this gift is the problem of their communication and relationships. Conflict is a violent confrontation, emotional aggression, pain in relationships. And pain in the body, as you know, is a distress signal, a physiological cry for help. It occurs during the development of the disease.

In healthy families, parents and children have natural, everyday contacts. The word “contact” in a pedagogical sense can mean ideological, moral, intellectual, emotional, business connections between parents and children, such close communication between them, as a result of which spiritual unity arises, consistency of basic life aspirations and actions. The natural basis of such relationships is made up of family ties, feelings of motherhood and fatherhood, which are manifested in parental love and the caring attachment of children to their parents.

The study of many different documents made it possible to identify some basic trends in the relationship between parents and children in the family. The analysis is based on a modification of the need for communication - one of the fundamental characteristics of interpersonal relationships.

There are the following stages in the relationship between parents and children: parents and children experience a strong need for mutual communication; parents delve into the concerns and interests of their children, and the children share with them; the sooner parents delve into the interests and concerns of children, the sooner children feel a desire to share; children’s behavior causes conflicts in the family, and at the same time the parents are right; children’s behavior causes conflicts in the family, and the children are right; conflicts arise for reasons of mutual wrong; complete mutual alienation and hostility.

1.4 Rational conditions for the relationship between parents and children

Spiritual contacts in the family cannot arise as a result of the platonic wishes and aspirations of the parents alone. For this purpose, psychological and pedagogical prerequisites must be created.

The first and main one is the reasonable organization of the family. Common perspectives, joint activities, certain work responsibilities, traditions of mutual assistance, joint decisions, interests and hobbies serve as fertile soil for the growth and development of sprouts of internal relationships between parents and children.

In the collective life of a family, it is possible to most successfully create circumstances in the educational process that reinforce verbal demands. The necessary pedagogical circumstances do not always coincide with life. And they often have to be created despite life circumstances.

Children expect their parents to take a deep, close interest in their inner world, taking into account their age-specific individual characteristics. Age-related features are characteristics characteristic of a particular age period anatomical-physiological and psychological characteristics. And by human individuality we mean the essential originality of his basic properties and qualities.

Taking into account the age characteristics of children requires a gradual change in educational influences at various stages of personality development. The approach to children requires parents to have pedagogical tact and consideration life experience pupils, their emotional state, a subtle and leisurely analysis of the motives of an action, a sensitive, soft touch to the inner world of a person. Communication, joint activities, common aspirations become the most natural process of education.

An important aspect of mutual contacts is participation in activities in the interests of children. If parents can share interests and get carried away by their children’s activities, then they will have effective remedy educational influence.

Following in the footsteps of children's interests and hobbies also involves involving children in their own activities and hobbies. In some families there is a rule: the things a person needs to live, he must be able to do himself. Each family can develop a diverse system of establishing and strengthening close ties between parents and children: from parents to children, from children to parents.

The instinct of kinship, the “voice of blood,” is intensely manifested when parents and children are humanly close to each other, connected by ties of not only family, but also spiritual closeness. This is an important prerequisite for a successful educational process in the family, penetration into the inner world of children and successful influence on. Children arise and develop the need to consult with their parents, mentally put them in their place in difficult situations. life situations, look up to them, follow their instructions.

This or that negative type of relationship in the family is not at all an insurmountable fatal dominant. If parents can psychologically and pedagogically competently understand the current stage of the relationship, then overcoming negative factors is possible.

Deep contacts with parents create a stable state of life in children, a feeling of confidence and reliability. And it brings a joyful feeling of satisfaction to parents.

Good parents raise good children. How often do we hear this statement and often find it difficult to explain what it is - good parents. Future parents think that they can become good by studying specialized literature or mastering special parenting methods. Undoubtedly, pedagogical and psychological knowledge is necessary, but knowledge alone is not enough. Can we call those parents good who never doubt, are always confident that they are right, have an exact idea of what the child needs and what he needs, who claim that at every moment of time they know how to do the right thing, and can predict with absolute accuracy not only behavior? their own children in various situations, but their future lives?

When assessing any human activity, they usually proceed from some ideal, norm. In educational activities, apparently, such an absolute norm does not exist. We learn to be parents, just as we learn to be husbands and wives, just as we learn the secrets of mastery and professionalism in any business. In parental work, as in any other work, mistakes, doubts, temporary setbacks, defeats that are replaced by victories are possible. Raising in a family is the same life, and our behavior and even our feelings towards children are complex, changeable and contradictory. In addition, parents are not similar to each other, just as children are not similar to each other. Relationships with a child, as well as with each person, are deeply individual and unique. For example, if parents are perfect in everything, know the correct answer to any question, then in this case they are unlikely to be able to fulfill the most important parental task - to instill in the child the need for independent search, for learning new things.

Parents constitute the child's first social environment. The personalities of parents play a vital role in the life of every person. It is no coincidence that we mentally turn to our parents, especially our mother, in difficult moments of life. At the same time, the feelings that color the relationship between the child and parents are special feelings, different from other emotional connections. The specificity of the feelings that arise between children and parents is determined mainly by the fact that the care of parents is necessary to support the child’s very life. And the need for parental love is truly a vital need of a small human being. The love of every child for his parents is boundless, unconditional, limitless. Moreover, if in the first years of life love for parents ensures one’s own life and safety, then as one grows older, parental love increasingly performs the function of maintaining and safety of a person’s emotional and psychological world. Never, under any circumstances should a child have doubts about parental love. The most natural and most necessary of all the duties of parents is to treat the child at any age with love and attention.

Deep, constant psychological contact with a child is a universal requirement for upbringing, which can be equally recommended to all parents; contact is necessary in the upbringing of every child at any age. It is the feeling and experience of contact with parents that gives children the opportunity to feel and realize parental love, affection and care.

The basis for maintaining contact is a sincere interest in everything that happens in a child’s life, sincere curiosity about his childhood, even the most trivial and naive, problems, a desire to understand, a desire to observe all the changes that occur in the soul and consciousness of a growing person. It is also useful to think about the general patterns of psychological contact between children and parents in the family. When we talk about mutual understanding, emotional contact between children and parents, we mean a certain dialogue, interaction between a child and an adult with each other.

The family is the unit of society, a holy union. It’s not for nothing that the connection of people received such a name. Meeting and starting to live together, they feed on each other, support and help. Of course, relationships in families are completely different. Moreover, this depends not only on the character of the person, but also on his upbringing, culture, and mentality. Psychologists talk a lot about which relationships are right and which are not. Society always condemns something. But at the same time, no one thinks that perhaps the family is so comfortable.

You can often find violence in families, people are indignant about this, but maybe they like it that way? Why does a husband beat his wife, but she continues to live with him? It's probably better for them this way. The topic of family relationships is multifaceted. Well, firstly, a prying eye simply cannot grasp the truth in other people's relationships. There may seem to be complete harmony, but after some time the family falls apart. It's primarily a matter of sensations. What each spouse experiences is known only to them.

What kind of family relationships can we call good? Probably those in which each participant is comfortable living with the other, when you want to live with your loved one for the rest of your life, give birth to children, build a house, plant a tree. When there is complete mutual understanding, then this married couple can be considered happy.

Of course, in the modern world a component good relations, of course, are finance. They can significantly influence family relationships. First of all, strong influence finances are possible in the absence of them or their insufficient quantity. In this case, the level of communication in the family is very important. If each family member does not say something and harbors a grudge, this can ultimately cause a tragedy - a break in the relationship. Therefore, the availability of explanations of one’s conditions to one’s other half plays a significant role in maintaining the harmony of relationships in the family.

What to do if a relationship is on the verge of destruction? There are no universal recipes, since the world is multifaceted, as are the people who live in it. Therefore, you can only find some close clues that can help you get out of a critical situation. For example, you need to pull yourself together, sit down with your loved one and try to talk in as much detail as possible about what you are not happy with, and listen to the same from him (her). After such revelations, you can try to find new points of contact. So to speak, you need to calibrate your relationship.

Because in the process life together each of us adapts to our partner, this process crosses a certain line of our own egoism, we begin to feel disadvantaged or offended. At such times, communication plays an important role. After talking through all these points, you need to come to a common denominator in order to continue happy life together. That’s why they say that living together is the work of two people, daily work.

Special relationships in the family begin when offspring appear in the family. These are the most touching moments in family life. For most couples, the birth of a child gives a new positive impetus to the development of their relationship. After all, a new joint creation is being born, how can one not rejoice at this?

The path to achieving family happiness is thorny and ambiguous. The difficulty of achieving both marital and parental harmony lies in the fact that each of the existing psychological patterns that determine marital and parental behavior, as already noted, contains internal conflict and contradiction. Sometimes one small deviation in one direction or another is enough, and according to the principle of circular causality, problems are layered on top of one another, growing like a snowball. That is why to unravel the tangle family problems You can’t just pull one thread. A restructuring of the entire intra-family mechanism is necessary.

A disharmonious family union prevents the realization of the individual qualities inherent in the spouses. The family really turns into a kind of theater, where everyone is forced to fulfill an imposed, alien, but prescribed role by the family union.

In this section I would like to draw the attention of readers to the analysis of some unfavorable types family relationships. It must be emphasized that in a number of descriptions the personality traits of people and the situations themselves are grotesquely strengthened. This makes it possible to clearly see the causes of family disharmony and establish connections between the various components of family relationships. We hope that such an analysis will allow readers to avoid some mistakes in building their family life, both in the marital and parental aspects.

Outwardly "calm family"

In this family, events proceed smoothly; from the outside it may seem that the relations of its members are orderly and coordinated. However, with more close acquaintance It becomes clear that the husband and wife are experiencing feelings of dissatisfaction, boredom, and their lives are accompanied by feelings of wasted years. They talk little to each other, although they obediently and stereotypically, often with increased pedantry, perform their marital duties. In such family unions, we can talk about the prevalence of a sense of responsibility over the spontaneity and sincerity of relationships. Behind the prosperous “façade” are hidden long-term and strongly suppressed negative feelings towards each other. Restraining emotions often has a detrimental effect on well-being; spouses are susceptible to persistent mood disorders and often feel tired and powerless. Long-term attacks of bad mood, melancholy, and depression often occur.

Volcanic family

In this family, relationships are fluid and open. Spouses constantly sort things out, often separate and come together, make scandals, quarrel, only to soon love tenderly and confess their love for the rest of their lives, again treat each other sincerely and selflessly. In this case, spontaneity and emotional spontaneity prevail over a sense of responsibility. It may seem that the second type of family relationship is “healthier”, but this is not entirely true. The fact is that “pouring out anger,” while easing situational tension, does not always bring true relief. A person who has shown excessively strong negative feelings is ashamed of his Action, feels guilty, is afraid of ending up in

funny situation, afraid of condemnation - thus, there is an accumulation of tension and negative experiences.

How does such a family climate affect the child’s well-being? Both types should be considered unfavorable. Is it true, Negative influence in both cases it is different. When family relationships are built on the basis of maintaining apparent benevolence, designed to hide irreconcilable contradictions and mutually negative feelings, the child becomes helpless. His life is filled with an unconscious feeling of constant anxiety, the child feels danger, but does not understand its source, lives in constant tension and is unable to relieve it. In this sense, open relationships, even hostile feelings, are less difficult for the child. However, in turbulent families, the emotional atmosphere of which pulsates between extreme poles, children experience significant emotional overload. Quarrels between parents acquire catastrophic proportions in the eyes of a child; this is a real tragedy for him, threatening the very foundations of the stability of the child’s world.

Thus, whether parents want it or not, whether they realize or do not evaluate their marital relationship, the specific emotional atmosphere of the family has a constant impact on the child’s personality.

Already in these two types of families one can observe a feature that always accompanies disharmonious unions. It consists of a certain inertia and stereotyping of relationships. Once and for all, the spontaneously developed style is fixed and remains unchanged for many years. How to explain such stability, which seems all the more strange since people change quite a lot throughout their lives and gain new experiences? Why are family relationships so inert?

This reliable fact can be explained quite simply. As a rule, the developed relationship stereotype to some extent strengthens the marriage and increases its stability, although not on a harmonious basis. Therefore, attempts by one spouse to change their communication style often encounter resistance from their partner. To harmonize family relationships, joint conscious efforts are required. One psychologist has an apt image: “Marriage can be compared to a posture: if the back begins to stoop, then it means that an additional stoop must arise somewhere else in order to keep the head in a straight position.” If one partner changes, this must be accompanied by some additional changes in order for the relationship to maintain stability and integrity. That is why the position of one of the spouses gradually causes a certain type of relationship in the family as a whole, and to rebuild this family stereotype, a change in one of the members of the family circle is not enough.

"Family sanatorium"

A typical example of family disharmony is the type of family that can be described as a “sanatorium”. One of the spouses, whose emotional state is expressed in increased anxiety in front of the outside world, the demand for love and care, creates a specific limitation, a barrier to new experience. Such protection makes it possible to reduce feelings of anxiety in the face of the uncertainty of the surrounding world. All family members, including children, are gradually drawn into a narrow, limited circle. The behavior of the spouses takes on the appearance of a “resort”; efforts are expended on a kind of collective self-restraint. The couple spends all their time together and tries to keep their children close to them. Attempts at some separation are perceived as a threat to the very existence of the family, the range of communication is gradually limited, contacts with friends are reduced, as a rule, under the pretext of differences in views and values. The family “only outwardly appears to be in solidarity, but in the depths of the relationship lies the alarming dependence of one of the partners. The union becomes not freely friendly, but symbiotically dependent. This means that one of the family members, which can be both adults and children, limits his responsibilities, forcing loved ones to surround him with more and more attention. Family members unite in providing special care for him, protect him from difficulties, protect him from too strong impressions. Often, if family protection is built around an adult family member, he unconsciously receives some benefit, for example. stabilizing and protecting the love of the spouse. Sometimes with such a position one of the spouses unconsciously takes revenge on the other, as if saying: “You were (or were) so ruthless towards me, and now I suffer so much that I am forced to ask for support in such situations.” families are different. In the case where the family turns into a “sanatorium” for the mother or father, children are usually deprived of the necessary care and lack maternal acceptance and love. As a rule, they are involved in homework early, often live for years in a situation of physical and nervous overload, become overly anxious and emotionally dependent, while maintaining a warm, loving and caring attitude towards their parents. Since the unconscious goal of one of the spouses is to retain the love and care of the other, the child cannot compensate for the lack of love on the part of either parent.

In cases where brothers or sisters, as well as one of the other relatives, grandparents, are surrounded by a “sanatorium” attitude, intra-family

the child's position changes. The family's limitation to care and internal relationships leads to a constant focus on health, emphasizing all kinds of dangers, and intimidation. The need to keep the child in the family leads to the discrediting of extra-family values, to the devaluation of the child’s communication, his friends and preferred forms of free time behavior. Petty care, strict control and excessive protection from real and imaginary dangers are characteristic features of the attitude towards children in “sanatorium” type families.

Such parental positions lead either to excessive overload nervous system child, in which neurotic breakdowns and emotional characteristics such as hypersensitivity and irritability occur. With increased control and care in children, especially in adolescence, protest reactions and the desire to leave the family early are intensifying.

Increased concern for one person leads to a fixation of attention on the health status of all family members; in this case, children may develop a fear of illness, which, in certain unfavorable situations, can lead to the formation of a personality in which caring for the health status takes on the character of an extremely valuable activity.

"Family-fortress"

Limitation within the family circle with disharmonious internal connections characterizes another type of family. This species can be called a "fortress" type family. The basis of such unions is the learned ideas about the threat, aggressiveness and cruelty of the surrounding world, about universal evil and about people as carriers of evil. Often such ideas are reinforced by the need to remove negative emotions that arise in the family outside of it. In such cases, intolerable mutually hostile impulses in the interests of maintaining family stability are transferred to the outside world as a whole: to individuals, to groups of people, to certain forms of worldview. In such families, relations of supposedly complete mutual understanding are created, while internal problems spouses transfer externally. Caring about their microcosm, spouses shower others with various reproaches, which they would unconsciously like to direct at each other or often at themselves. Quite often, in such families, rather strange one-sided ideas and overestimations of facts and circumstances prevail; strange fanaticism, commitment to certain ideas, and a collective desire to realize goals within the family gradually arise. The spouses experience a pronounced strengthening of the “We” feeling. They seem to be psychologically arming themselves against the whole world. Such behavior often hides the absence of genuine psychological tendencies that naturally hold the family together. “All-round defense” is an unconscious camouflage of spiritual emptiness or violation of sexual relationships. Often in such families there is unconditional dominance of one of the parents and a dependent, passive position of the other; all family life is strictly regulated and subordinated to certain goals, ossified fixation of certain family roles creates the appearance of intra-family solidarity and friendship, while the emotional content of the roles has long dried up or changed, the emotional atmosphere within the family is devoid of natural warmth and spontaneity.

The attitude towards children in such a family is also strictly regulated; the need to limit connections outside the family leads to the rigid fixation of all kinds of restrictions.

restrictions, to the prescription of the implementation of strict rules, which are declaratively explained by the need to care for the unborn child. There are families in which the spiritual indifference to the child, the callousness of one of the despot parents, is unsuccessfully compensated by the overprotection and petty care of the other. However, the need for family bonding on the part of the subordinate parent makes guardianship inconsistent and deprives the relationship of emotional openness and sincerity.

In families of the “fortress” type, love for a child becomes more and more conditional; a child is loved only when he lives up to the demands placed on him by the family circle. This is usually combined with an increase in the possessive component in the emotional attachment of parents. Parents love not so much the child himself as the image of “I” that is generated by family positions and imposed on the child. Upbringing takes on the characteristics of being predetermined; parents try to do things that are emphatically correct and overly principled. Such a family atmosphere and type of upbringing lead to increased self-doubt in the child, lack of initiative, and sometimes intensify protest reactions and behavior such as stubbornness and negativism. In many cases, the child’s attention is concentrated on his own internal experiences, which leads to his psychological isolation and causes difficulties in communicating with peers. The “fortress” family puts the child in a contradictory position, a situation of internal conflict caused by a discrepancy between the demands of the parents and the environment and the child’s own experience. Constant internal conflict leads to overstrain of the child’s nervous system and creates an increased risk of neurotic illness.

"Family Theater"

Another example of family disharmony can be the construction of relationships in the family according to the “theater” type. Such families maintain stability through a specific “theatrical lifestyle.” Sometimes family members act out a play in front of each other, sometimes the whole family forms one ensemble that plays a play in front of others. The focus of such a family is always play and effect. Here something is said, something is done, something is expressed emotionally - with all this, it does not matter at all how much, to what extent and what actually stands behind this or that behavior. What is needed is an immediate echo, a reaction that encourages the continuation of such theatrical actions. As a rule, one of the spouses in such families experiences an acute need for recognition, constant attention, encouragement, admiration; he experiences an acute lack of love.

The entire scenario constructed by the family unconsciously serves as a defense against the awareness of the illusory nature of past ideas, unfulfilled desires, and unfulfilled hopes in marriage. "Family Theater" is designed to maintain the appearance of well-being and maintain the necessary close distance. When communicating with children, prohibitions and rewards are quickly declared and just as quickly forgotten. Showing love and care for a child to strangers does not save children from the acute feeling that their parents have no time for them, that their fulfillment of their parental responsibilities is a formal necessity imposed by social norms.

Often in the “family theater” contact with the child and attention to his life are replaced by the provision of special material conditions. Parents buy a lot of toys and special equipment for their children’s activities. Education is, as it were, entrusted kindergarten, school or other public organizations. Children are given a “fashionable” upbringing, they attend all kinds of clubs, study languages and music.

In the theatrical way of life of a family, a special attitude towards the child often arises, associated with the desire to hide his shortcomings and imperfections, to cover up difficulties by demonstrating imaginary virtues and achievements. All this leads to weakening of self-control, loss of internal discipline. The lack of genuine closeness with parents forms the selfish orientation of the individual.

"Family is the third wheel"

Another example of disharmonious relationships can be a family, the psychological essence of which is suited to the name “third wheel”. It occurs in cases where personal characteristics spouses and the style of their interaction are of particular importance, and parenthood is unconsciously perceived as an obstacle to marital happiness. This happens when one or both parents are psychologically immature, when their personal development is unprepared to perform parental functions. This is how a style of relationship with a child arises along the lines of hidden rejection. In practice family counseling Often there are similar families with even several children, but despite this, marital relationships remain emotionally exaggeratedly significant. Often, in contacts with a child, parents tend to instill in their children a feeling of inferiority, endlessly "fixing attention on shortcomings and imperfections. Cases of rivalry between a still young mother and a growing daughter, an unconscious struggle for the love and affection of the father are not so rare. Raising children in similar situations leads to the formation of self-doubt,

lack of initiative, fixation on weaknesses, children are characterized by painful experiences of their own inferiority with increased dependence and subordination to parents. The resulting dependence burdens adults, thereby provoking an increase in hidden rejection. In such families, children often have fears for the life and health of their parents; they can hardly tolerate even temporary separation from them, and have difficulty adapting to children’s groups.

Family with an "idol"

This is a fairly common type of disharmonious families. Relationships between family members lead to the creation of a “family idol” when raising a child is the only thing that holds marital relationships together, when caring for a child turns into the only force capable of keeping parents together. Both parents pay exaggerated attention to their child , transferring their unrealized feelings to the child. In the name of the child, miracles of self-denial and sacrifice are performed, in the name of the child, all the problems of adults are obscured. The child becomes the center of the family, becomes the object of increased attention and care, and the parents’ high expectations. Many of his actions are perceived without due criticism. the slightest whims are immediately satisfied, real and imaginary advantages are exaggerated. The desire to protect the child from life’s difficulties leads to a restriction of independence, which is largely facilitated by the unconscious tendency to slow down the child’s maturation, since a decrease in guardianship threatens the breakdown of the family group. Here the most insignificant ailment and illness of the child is exaggerated, he is brought up in conditions of pampering, affection, general admiration and tenderness. Pos-

This is intensified by the need to receive a “reward” for excessive efforts to care for the child. With such upbringing, children become dependent, activity is lost, and motivations are weakened. At the same time, the need for positive assessments increases; children lack love; Collisions with the outside world, communication with peers, where the child does not receive the desired high grades, become a source of more and more new experiences. The demand for recognition at any cost gives rise to demonstrative behavior. Critical awareness of one's own personal qualities is replaced by negative assessments of others, a sense of injustice and cruelty of others.

"Masquerade Family"

The inconsistency of the life goals and plans of the spouses gives rise to a type of family that can be called “masquerade”. By building their lives around differently understood values, “serving different gods,” parents place the child in a situation of different demands and inconsistent assessments. Upbringing takes on features of inconsistency, and the world for the child appears as different, sometimes contradictory sides. The flickering of “masks” increases the feeling of anxiety. Inconsistency in the actions of parents, for example, the increased demands of the father with hyperoutflow and forgiveness of the mother, causes confusion in the child and the splitting of his self-esteem. Inflated claims, combined with insufficient capacity for volitional efforts, give rise to internal conflict and stagnant centers of nervous overexcitation.

The described types of family disharmony prove the complexity of family life and the deep interconnection of all aspects of family interaction.

Therefore, if parents turn to psychologists regarding the state of re-

Effective love (sympathy, respect, intimacy) characterizes the most optimal, harmonious marital relationships. In addition to direct attraction to another person (sympathy), the rights and dignity of the spouse, his interests, inclinations, characteristics, even “eccentricities” are respected; responsibility for maintaining optimal relationships is recognized as equal to one's own responsibility. Intimacy with a spouse takes on multiple meanings, implying both intimate intimacy with mutual satisfaction in sexual relationships, and spiritual intimacy, understood as the ability to feel and understand spiritual world, the internal logic of the spouse’s feelings and actions.

Detached love (liking, respect, but with a lack of intimacy) can arise in a situation of dissatisfaction intimate life when the lack of intimacy turns into a defect in psychological intimacy. This model of family disharmony is analyzed in detail in studies by sexologists. In such cases, women experience a loss of feelings of love for their husband, irritability and pickiness appear, provoking and aggravating inside family conflicts.

br /> Types of family unions and disruption of family relationships.
In a family, each person is individual and unique: family members see and evaluate their family life. This determines the characteristics of the family, its type, which is determined by such an indicator as the quality of family relationships. American psychologist Muriel James highlights the following types family unions: marriage of convenience, spiritual union, romantic marriage, partnership marriage, marriage based on love.

Types of Dysfunctional Family Structures
An article about types of intrafamily coalitions for psychologically savvy parents

Relationships in the family with the child largely determine his future behavior, the nature of communication and success, since good and bad attitude Children, first of all, learn in the family.

Types of relationships in a family with a child

The influence of parents on the child’s personality has been described and studied by psychologists in sufficient detail. They were able to identify 4 general type relationships between parents and children in the family:

Indifferent;
Authoritative;
Authoritarian;
Liberal.

One way or another, the relationships between children and adults in childhood will also be reflected in the relationships with adult children.

The system of upbringing in the family is not always understood by parents. In addition to the fact that it is based on a list of what is acceptable or unacceptable in relation to the child, it must adhere to targeted methods and goals of education. The prerequisites for relationships in a family with a child can be:

Cooperation;
Non-interference;
Overprotection;
Diktat.

Under dictatorship, relationships between children and adults are built on the regular humiliation of the child’s self-esteem, on the suppression of his opinion and initiative. Such relationships cannot be compared with the purpose of education or standards of moral behavior. Often the influence is carried out with violence, in a commanding tone, with the child’s resistance. In response to pressure from their parents, children, in turn, respond with counterarguments - rudeness, deception, hypocrisy. Hatred towards one's own parents is an extreme response.

The other side of the coin is that when a child’s resistance can still be broken, this may result in him subsequently growing into a broken personality without self-esteem, deprived of such important qualities as independence, self-confidence and one’s capabilities. It is safe to say that failures in the life of such a person have a basis and are laid down by dictatorial upbringing in childhood.

Overprotection implies such a relationship in the family with the child in which he is protected in every possible way from difficulties and worries. Any request or wish of the child is quickly fulfilled, and he himself does not put any effort into it. Often such relationships occur in families where the child is the only one or the long-awaited one. The goals of educational influences in the education process are replaced by the task of meeting the needs of children.

With overprotection, relationships between children and adults lead to the fact that children are insufficiently or completely unprepared for independent adult life. And if in childhood the manifestations of this may be minimal, then in adolescence the frequency of breakdowns in this category of children is higher.

Non-interference, this is the tactics of education, recognizes the admissibility and necessity of the independent existence of adults and children, and neither one nor the other should cross the conventionally outlined line. Experts believe that the basis of such interaction in the family is the passivity of parents as educators.

Cooperation in relationships occurs subject to common goals and objectives of parents and children, in the presence of common interests and related activities. Only under such conditions can the child’s selfishness in relationships with his mother and other relatives be overcome.

The influence of family relationships on the child’s behavior

Whether a child's behavior is adequate or inappropriate is largely determined by his relationships in the family. They depend on:

In a family where parents constantly reprimand and reproach, and set too high tasks and goals, children develop low self-esteem, resulting in uncertainty and bad mood. That is, the child’s behavior becomes inadequate to the objective situation.

On the other hand, inadequacy also manifests itself in the form of inflated self-esteem, when the child is constantly praised, but the demands placed on him are very mild.

As a result, the child will grow up the way his parents raised him in childhood.

Family is of great importance for any person, since it is the basis of his entire life.

Family relationships may not always turn out well. Exist various ways problem solving.

Concept

What are family relationships?

Family relationships - this is the interaction between people who are members of the same family based on family or marital ties.

The most important types of family relationships are the interactions between husband and wife, and between parents and children.

Every family is a small one socio-psychological group, which has its own characteristics.

The nature of intrafamily relationships depends on many factors: the level of education of family members, the degree of trust in each other, the psychological characteristics of the participants in the relationship, the degree of emotional closeness, etc.

Psychology

The psychology of family interpersonal relationships involves analyzing not only the relationship between husband and wife, but also the features of interaction between parents and children.

Between husband and wife

From a social and legislative point of view, in our country a man and a woman are recognized as a family only if there is an official marriage.

From a psychological point of view, the situation is different.

Often people officially registered with each other make decisions about impossibility of maintaining relationships and cease to conduct common farming.

Separate living, separate budgets and a complete lack of common interests indicate in this case the absence of a family. Moreover, from the point of view of the law, a man and a woman are spouses.

There is also back side when a man and a woman have a common life, common children, jointly resolve all issues and at the same time are not official spouses.

In this case, they themselves consider themselves a family, but from the point of view of the state they are not one.

If we consider the concept of family not as a social unit of society, and as a union of people close to each other, then by family I will mean a man and a woman who are in a stable relationship and consider each other family.

Between parents and children

The main function of the family is birth and raising of offspring.

Parents' tasks after the birth of children:

upbringing;
providing educational opportunities;
provision of material benefits;
spiritual, aesthetic, moral development children;
providing emotional and psychological support;
protecting the interests of children.

Children throughout their lives parental family adopt the habits, views and model of relationships between parents. The presence of serious problems in the family, conflicts between spouses reflected negatively for the entire subsequent life of the children.

The parents' task is to demonstrate correct behavior which will serve as an example for the younger generation.

Often, as children grow older, parent-child relationships undergoing changes: coldness and detachment appear. Most often with similar problems families face teenage years in children.

The formation of their own ideas and views, the emergence of new interests can lead to children’s denial of the values instilled by their parents. The task of parents during this period is to overcome emerging difficulties and build a dialogue with their children.

The functions of parents change significantly when children reach adulthood - communication is established on equal terms as children become independent members of society.

The situation becomes reversed when parents reach old age. During this period, the parents themselves become dependent on their children, as they need help and support.

Styles

The following common ones can be identified:

Intimate relationships

Intimate relationships between spouses play a huge role in the well-being of the family. Most divorces occur precisely because of problems in the intimate sphere, which often lead to a whole complex of mutual claims and grievances.

Intimate problems usually arise in families after several years of marriage, when the spouses are under the influence large quantity everyday problems, they cease to be interested in each other.

In place of love and attraction comes habit, which turns spouses into partners and friends.

Prosperous family relationships can only develop for those couples who have initial compatibility in the intimate sphere and make efforts to maintain interest in each other in the process of family life.

Family relationships

These are relationships between close people who have become relatives to each other as a result of marriages or on the basis of consanguinity.

In case of consanguinity, relatives are people who have a common ancestor: parents and children, brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts with nephews, grandparents with grandchildren, etc.

When entering into marriages, inherent kinship relationships arise when the blood relatives of the spouses become members of the same family: father-in-law and mother-in-law with daughter-in-law, father-in-law and mother-in-law with son-in-law, brothers-in-law, sisters-in-law, etc.

Emotional

Emotional relationships in the family are of great importance because they determine the degree of satisfaction of the spouses with their marriage and the level of comfort and security that are provided to children. Relationships between family members should be built on trust, respect and support.

It has long been proven that people who grew up in families with a poor emotional climate are most likely unable to build strong relationships in the future.

Any emotional problems in the family (parents, negative habits of parents, excessive demands on children, lack of mutual support and trust between family members) have a negative impact on the child’s psyche, his character and self-confidence.

Democratic

Equality and partnership between spouses, between parents and children - the key to healthy family relationships.

Despite the fact that in any family there is an unspoken leader, and Children should initially obey their parents all contacts can be based on respect for each other’s interests, mutual assistance and support.

The full participation of all family members in resolving key issues allows not only to avoid conflicts, but also to unite everyone with a common goal.

Affiliate

Husband and wife come first partners.

Moreover, in the process of marriage, it is the roles of the partners that begin to dominate in the relationship of the spouses, relegating the relationship of lovers to the background.

Spouses, being partners, solve a whole range of problems: raising children, maintaining material well-being, organizing everyday life, supporting each other in solving professional problems, etc.

After the baby is born

Birth of a child- a transitional period for any family, which often becomes the cause of a crisis in family life.

With the birth of a child, spouses lose the opportunity to fully spend time together and manage their lives, the level of material well-being decreases, women often face postpartum depression.

It is important for spouses to go through the difficult period together after the birth of a child and concentrate on receiving positive emotions from communicating with a new family member and from participating in his upbringing.

Secrets, secrets and rules of an ideal family life

The basic principles on which the lives of truly happy families are based:

Mutual respect and trust. This applies not only to spouses, but also to parents with children. In a family where everyone respects each other, listens to everyone’s opinion and is always ready to help, conflicts and misunderstandings cannot arise.
A man's ability to take responsibility. The man is the head of the family. Currently, this role often belongs to a woman, and most conflicts arise precisely because a man ceases to bear responsibility for the family, and a woman takes on non-feminine responsibilities.
A woman's desire to be a mother and housewife. The main purpose of a woman is to maintain home comfort and raise children.
Family life should be organized in such a way that a woman always has enough time and energy for her home, her husband, and her children.
The ability of spouses to escape from everyday life. Often relationships end due to a cooling of a man and a woman towards each other, caused by the departure of romance and passion from their relationship. Spouses should always remember that they are not only partners and parents, but also loving people. The ability to find time for leisure time together is an important factor in maintaining a relationship.

Stages

Family relationships go through the following stages:

Diagnostics - techniques

Sometimes family conflicts become serious when their participants cannot resolve the situation on their own.

Research and analysis of family relationships will identify existing problems and determine ways to resolve them. Main directions of diagnostics:

Studying the system of distribution of roles in the family. The specifics of building communications in a particular family, the distribution of functions, the emotional climate, and existing problems are considered.
Studying the characteristics of the relationship between parents and children. Violations in the educational process are identified.
Study of marital relationships. Assessment of the degree of satisfaction with the marriage, the level of conflict in the couple, existing contradictions.

Causes of the crisis

Why have family relationships reached a dead end or cooled down? Main reasons, for which family relationships can reach a dead end:

How to improve the situation?

How to improve family relationships if they have cooled down? You can successfully get out of this situation by following the following advice from psychologists:

To take the responsibility. Each spouse must realize their mistakes and draw appropriate conclusions. Recognizing problems and being willing to work on them can lead to significant change.
Discuss all problems. It is important not to carry resentment within yourself. This only makes it worse. Constant open dialogue is the key to understanding in the family.
Improve your sex life. Family relationships will never be cloudless if there are problems in the intimate sphere.
It is important to make efforts to solve problems in this area and eliminate thoughts of betrayal.
Find common interests and hobbies. If partners have nothing in common, they will never be one. It is important to find some good activity, a hobby that will unite spouses.

Thus, family relationships play a key role in the formation of personality and its development. The well-being of a family directly depends on the desire of all its members for mutual respect and support.

Psychology of relationships between men and women in the family: