Condolences to family and friends. How to briefly, in your own words, express sincere condolences

In every person's life there are moments associated with the loss of loved ones, relatives or just acquaintances. And in the process of saying goodbye, despite the overwhelming feeling of loss, you need to say condolences about the death - words that are short, but succinctly composed and give everyone present the opportunity to feel the depth of the loss.

My condolences - I sincerely worry

The depth of the emotional state that accompanies loss can interfere with and limit the possibility of expressing sincere feelings. A great desire to cheer up and somehow alleviate the suffering of others often puts us in a situation where anxiety prevents us from choosing the right words, and we slip into general phrases that can sometimes even hurt. And a person in need of support and sympathy hears clumsy, formalized speech.

The sincerity of expressing condolences lies in conveying a piece of oneself to support loved ones in their time of sorrow, in consolation and empathy in the grief that has visited them. That's why it's so important right choice phrases - delicate, succinct, but at the same time brief.

How not to go beyond morality?

The question of the appropriateness of condolences is quite relevant. The moment of expressing sympathy is in no way inferior in importance to words. Almost every person who needs to express their participation in grief tends to think about the timeliness of seeking support and the perception of his words. Lack of experience, fear of seeing the face of death, strained relationships with the deceased do not add decisiveness and only aggravate the situation. The person is lost and simply does not know how to behave.

Ignorance of etiquette norms in such cases gives rise to many questions:

When can I call?
Is it better to write or come directly yourself?
Should I offer condolences before or after the funeral?

Despite the inner turmoil, you need to show up or call if there is a strong feeling that this is necessary, as well as confidence that support will ease the person’s suffering and help him get through a difficult period. Even if the person who left was not best friend, words of encouragement will help loved ones, and support is very necessary, including from strangers, in the case when a person is grieving, lonely and requires protection. Excessive shyness is unacceptable.

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Sincerity and the desire to help and support in difficult times are important, and if condolences are received coldly, obligations to one’s own conscience will still be fulfilled. If misfortune has come to the home of a loved one, you need to call or meet immediately as soon as the sad news is received. You can express solidarity in grief to your acquaintances in the first days after the funeral. Late offering of condolences for a death requires a monosyllabic justification. The mourners need this.

It is worth saying that you should not say words of condolences about death in poetry, even briefly. It is better to leave versification for the epitaph, and in the hours of farewell to the deceased, poetry will be inappropriate.

Formal phrases should be avoided. Using them will make the speaker appear callous to the bereaved person. Let's look at common mistakes:

You should not make a grieving person feel guilty about his condition by telling him to calm down, stop grieving, or shed tears, as these will give him confidence that his loss is not appreciated.
There is no need to express condemnation of the deceased by saying that something should not have been done, since it caused death. Death absorbs all mistakes, both obvious and not.
Don't minimize the cost of loss. A person who has lost a loved one cannot be deprived of the right to mourn the deceased.
Don’t make comparisons with someone else’s experience of a similar loss, even with yourself. These words can only cause irritation, because nothing compares to personal sadness for a deceased loved one.
Do not inquire about the circumstances or reasons that led to the loss. There is no place for this in grief.
In moments of farewell, there is no need to be distracted by extraneous topics.

Often, even a silent presence will be enough, since in moments of trouble and sorrow we all need support and sympathy. Being left alone with grief is very difficult and simply unbearable.

How to find the right words when writing a condolence message?

Expressing your feelings and finding the right words is difficult. However, such demonstrations of love and respect can bring great comfort to those who are grieving. Letters of condolence are often kept for many years and read over and over again. The purpose of their writing is to express respect for the deceased and support the mourners. Such a letter should come from the heart and be quite brief, containing personal memories of the deceased, expressed simply and sincerely.

Offer your help and support. You need to be specific and not make promises that you cannot keep. Express your condolences to other family members as well. The letter should end with an expression of love and support.

Below is an example of writing a condolence letter to a colleague's wife:

“Dear [Name].

I am so sorry to hear about the tragic death of your husband. [Name] was an inspiration to everyone who knew him, and the news of his death has left us devastated. I understand how you must feel. Of our entire team, he was the most experienced and diligent employee, while maintaining natural modesty. Many of our achievements are directly related to the activities of [Name]. He will be greatly missed by his colleagues and friends. My thoughts are with you and your family. With deepest condolences. [Name]".

“When we lose a loved one here on earth, we gain an angel in heaven who always sees us. Can you find comfort in the fact that you have an angel watching over you right now? We/I offer our/my deepest condolences.”
“A person who leaves this earth does not really go anywhere because he is still alive in our hearts and minds. Please accept my/our condolences and know that he/she will not be forgotten."
“May our Lord bless and comfort you and your family in this time of sorrow. Please accept my/our sincere condolences."
“Please accept our/my condolences and just know that we/I are always here for you and please feel free to ask for any help, especially during this difficult time.”
“I/we cannot even imagine how you are feeling right now, but would like to offer our prayers and condolences to you and your family.”
“During this difficult time in your life, may my/our sympathy and sincere condolences help you.”
“I/we express to you our/our most sincere condolences and sorrow.”
“During this difficult time in your life, we/I ask God to give you the strength you need to get through this trial. Know that you are in our/my thoughts and prayers."

At some point, everyone experiences the death of a loved one. At such a moment, I want to support, express condolences, so that the mourner understands that in this difficult moment he is not alone. On a subconscious level, we understand what needs to be said in such a situation, but often we do not find the right words. Many people mistakenly believe that condolences are not always appropriate, supposedly a person is already feeling bad, and yet everyone reminds him of his loss. In fact, this is not so; loved ones and relatives must understand that they are not alone in their grief and there are many people around who can support.

The main thing is that the words must come from the heart. Condolences should be brief but succinct, since a grief-stricken person is unlikely to understand your long, complicated speech. In some cases, you don’t even need words, just a hug and silence is enough.

How to support someone grieving after the death of a loved one

Any support is important at the time of the loss of a loved one. Psychologists recommend next model behavior in this difficult situation:

Tune in and show complicity. It is important to understand that untimely condolences, as well as lack of empathy, are perceived as false and insincerity.
Offer real, feasible help. A person in a state of shock is disoriented, so he is unable to perform everyday tasks in an organized manner. You can offer to look after children, feed and walk pets, help purchase ritual supplies, or organize a funeral dinner.
Don't leave the grieving person alone. A person who has lost a loved one must go through several stages of psycho-emotional state: shock, rejection, anger, guilt, depression, acceptance and recovery.
Sometimes words can be unnecessary and the best support is to show empathy and listen to the person.
Help the bereaved accept grief. There is no need to talk about the need to be strong and overcome adversity on your own. Let me talk and cry.
Show understanding and patience. Often, people faced with loss develop anger towards the people around them. Help him overcome short outbursts of anger.
Help prepare memorial dinners on the ninth, fortieth day and anniversary.
Monitor the health of the bereaved. If a person experiences pain in the heart area, or the blood pressure has risen sharply, call an ambulance immediately medical care.

How to offer words of condolences correctly

Don't be shy about your feelings;
Offer help in this difficult situation;
Pray together for the repose of the soul of the deceased. Joint prayer will unite people and make them less vulnerable;
Remember with loved ones about the events that happened to the deceased, about his good qualities;
You need to express your condolences briefly; death is not a reason for long monologues.

The most famous phrases of condolences

The examples of phrases for condolences below will help you find the necessary words at a crucial moment.

“An unfathomable loss. I share your sorrow. It's hard to accept."
“I was shocked by this event. It’s difficult to come to terms with and accept him.”
“The pain of loss cannot be expressed in words.”
“I share your grief. It is impossible to imagine that we will never see (name of the deceased). Please accept our sincere condolences."
“The news of the loss was a real blow.”
“We sympathize with your misfortune.”
“I sincerely sympathize with your grief and empathize.”
“It is impossible to find words to express our sympathy. My condolences".
“The pain of loss cannot be expressed in words, but in difficult times we will always support you.”
“The news of the tragedy that happened shocked us. On this day and in the future, we will support and help you."

Words of condolences for a deeply religious person

"Rest in the Kingdom of Heaven";
"Rest in peace";
"The Kingdom of heaven";
“Lord, rest the soul of your servant (name).”

Words of support upon the death of a mother or grandmother

“In memory of the person closest to you, you need to hold on. She will continue to take care of you even after leaving this world. Eternal memory (name)."
“I share your pain, I empathize with your grief, I remember (name) with the warmest words!”
“It hurts to realize that (name) is no longer with us, but she will live in our memory! The loss is difficult to understand and accept."

Condolences to those mourning the loss of grandfather and father

“The bright memory of this man will live in our hearts.”
“I deeply feel your grief and sympathize.”
“Your dad was a strong man. In order to endure the pain of loss, you must (must) be wise and continue what he started.”

Words of condolences on the death of my husband

“You need to find the strength within yourself to cope with grief. The peace of mind of your children depends on this. Life goes on, your love will never die!
“My deepest condolences! You have been going through life for a long time, and now you need to survive this tragedy. We need to pull ourselves together for the sake of our children and get through these difficult times. I will be your support. Be strong!”
“It’s hard to find words of consolation. The loss cannot be made up, but know that we will always come to the rescue at the right time!”
“The loss cannot be made up, but God will give strength to survive this misfortune. We will remember (name) with warmth and tenderness! »

Condolences on the death of a brother, friend

“Having left this world, he (she) remained in our hearts. As long as we are alive, he will be in our hearts!”
“It is impossible to come to terms with the loss young man who did not have time to experience all the beauty of life. Eternal memory to him!”
“Hold on, find the strength to support your loved ones! »

Words of condolences to relatives

“What a wonderful man has left this world! Our grief knows no bounds. Kingdom of heaven".
“Please accept my sincere condolences. It is impossible to talk about this without pain and come to terms with it. Bright memory!"
"No words will resurrect loved one. But we will always be there and come to the rescue at the right time. Everlasting memory!"

Condolences can be expressed verbally, by sending an SMS message or sending a telegram.

Condolences to a man who has lost a friend

“I sincerely regret the loss! But we must hold on. Watching from heaven, a friend supports you. Hold on!”
“I experience your grief as my own and am ready to share it with you and come to your aid at any moment. You can rely on me! Together we will offer prayers for the soul of the deceased!”
“A friend wouldn’t want you to be so upset. In memory of your friendship, you must be strong. You are not alone in your grief, I will always support you!”
“You are in pain now, but time heals. I am always ready to support you to the best of my ability. Count on my help! " .

Words of condolences to a friend

“This terrible news came as a real shock to me. I will always remember what a kind and gentle friend she was, with what hospitality she received guests. I sympathize and cry with you!”
“I will pray for the repose of (name)’s soul with you, dear friend. Prayer to the Lord will help you get through this grief.”
“Your misfortune shook me to the core. I empathize with you. I am grateful to Heaven that I knew your mother, a wonderful and kind person.”
“Deeply sorry for the death of your father, I respected him very much. It's hard for me to see your grief and pain. You can contact me for help at any time. Together we will pray for him.

Words of comfort to a colleague

“Losing loved ones is always difficult, but the death of a mother is the greatest grief that can happen. We mourn with you!”
“The death of someone close to you was a real shock for me. I will pray for him."
“The sad news shocked us. It is impossible to believe that your loved one is no longer with you. We share the bitterness of loss with you and sincerely mourn.”
“May the Lord reward him for the good deeds he did on earth, and we will pray for him.”
“This loss was a real shock for us, we sincerely sympathize and offer our help.”

Words of comfort in writing

Etiquette standards allow you to express condolences to the mourners in writing. They must be brought no later than two weeks from the moment of death, but not on the day of burial and not on a postcard.

When writing a condolence letter, list the main advantages of the deceased, mention how important he was to you, sincerely sympathize with the situation and find the right words support.

Sample text:

“When the soul hurts from the bitterness of loss, it is difficult to find the right words of consolation. We can't believe this happened. Our condolences. We will pray for him."
“The news of this irreparable loss shocked my mind. “I express my deep respect to the deceased and convey my sincere condolences.”
“We deeply mourn the death of the deceased. In our hearts he will remain a kind, amazing person who gave joy.”

Modern methods of communication make it possible to express condolences not only using a telegram. You can send a letter of consolation:

via Viber, WhatsApp, etc.;
in social networks;
via SMS message;
advertise in the newspaper.

What not to say to a bereaved person

There are words and expressions that are inappropriate at a funeral. They can cause resentment, aggression or anger.

Psychologists do not recommend using the phrases below, since not everyone is able to correctly understand their meaning in a state of shock.

No need to console yourself with the future. When a baby dies, you should not say the phrase “you are still young, you will have a child yet.” This is tactlessness. The phrase “don’t worry, you’re young, you’ll still get married,” said to a person who has lost a loved one, sounds cruel. For people who have lost a loved one at this moment there is no future. They are not ready to think about it.
Don't look for extreme ones. Even if there is someone responsible for a person’s death, you should not remind him of this. It is forbidden to say that if they had acted differently, he would have remained alive. Nor should the death be blamed on the deceased himself. The phrases “it was the Lord who punished him for his sins,” “he was to blame, he drank a lot,” discredit the memory of the deceased. They either say good things about the dead or nothing.
Ask not to cry. The mourner must calm the soul and mourn the deceased.

Prohibited phrases at funerals and wakes

"Do not worry, everything will be fine!" - sounds like a mockery. The person is not ready for this, he does not believe that the pain will go away and life will get better.
“Death has taken its toll, there is no need to shed tears.” A person in a state of shock does not quite understand what happened; he still cannot accept that a loved one has passed away forever. Such words sound cruel.
“I understand how much it hurts you” is the most tactless and common phrase. No one can understand the grieving person.
"Time cures". Even time cannot heal mental wounds. The pain of loss will remain forever. Any person who has experienced the death of a loved one will confirm this to you.
“Think, there are people who are even worse off, at least you still have relatives.” Respect the person’s pain, do not use comparisons.
“He’s finally finished his suffering, he’ll be better there.” This phrase can be heard especially often if a person was ill for a long time before death. These words are unlikely to console the grieving.”

When choosing words for consolation, do not forget about the fine line when they can turn into banal, insincere phrases. Listen to your heart. Perhaps this is a case where words of consolation are not needed. The presence of an understanding, silent listener is sufficient for the mourner. Do not hesitate to offer all possible assistance in organizing funerals and memorials, since at this moment it is difficult for relatives to concentrate on solving everyday issues.

Those who love you...

They don’t part with their loved ones,
They just stop being around.

You sleep, and we live,
You wait and we will come...

You left us early, our beloved.
He took away our happiness and joy.

The Great Tribulation cannot be measured,
Tears won't help my grief.

You are not with us, but forever

You gave us life in this world,
In another you have found peace.
Gone, leaving a trace of sadness,
gusts of grief and melancholy.

Remember me, Lord,
Visit me with your salvation.
Blessed are those who mourn: for they will be comforted.
Remember me, God
And do not leave those who love you.

Like drops of dew on roses,
There are tears on my cheeks.

You are no longer here, but we don’t believe you.
You are in our hearts forever.
And my pain from that loss
We will never heal.

Love for you, dear son,
He will die only with us.
And our pain and our sorrow
Can't express it in words.

Our pain cannot be measured
And you can’t shed it in tears.
We treat you as if alive
We will love forever.

We love you, we are proud of you.
In our memory
You are always alive.

The Great Tribulation cannot be measured,
Tears won't help my grief.
You are not with us, but forever
You will not die in our hearts.

What a pity that your life
Was so short
But your memory will be eternal.

Sleep, my beloved daughter, peacefully.
You've gone your short way
Honest and joyful.

To your untimely grave
Our path will not be overgrown.
Your dear image, dear image
Will always lead us here

Nobody could save you
Died very early
But the bright image is your dear
We will always remember.

Words can't express it
Tears cannot cry out our grief.
You are always in our hearts. It’s so easy to imagine you alive
What's in your death
It's impossible to believe.

Quiet leaves, don't make noise,
Don't wake up my friend

The question of life is over.
There will be no more grief, no more tears.

Dear angel
Sorry, my fault
What was not at the hour of death
Next to you.

My heart went out like lightning,
Years will not dull the pain.
Your image will be treasured forever
Always in our memory. You lived your life with dignity,
Leaving a memory for us forever.
In a silent world, sleep peacefully,
The person we love.

You won't come back, you won't look back,
You will not become wise and gray-haired.
You will remain in our memory
Always alive and young.

Passing, stop
Pray for me, a sinner.
I was like you
You will be like me.

The ashes will return to the ground
Which is what he was.
And the spirit will return to God,
Who gave it.

K.N. Batyushkov:

Epitaph

No inscriptions are needed for my stone,
Just say it here: he was and he is not!

A.S. Pushkin:

My epitaph

Pushkin is buried here; he is with a young muse,
With love and laziness spent a cheerful century,
He did not do good, but he was a soul,
By God, good man.

Epitaph for a baby. Book N.S. Volkonsky

In radiance and in joyful peace,
At the throne of the eternal creator,
With a smile he looks into earthly exile,
He blesses his mother and prays for his father.

M.Yu. Lermontov

Epitaph

Simple-hearted son of freedom,
He did not spare his life for his feelings;
And true features of nature
He often liked to copy.

He believed dark predictions
And talismans, and love,
And unnatural desires
He sacrificed his days.

And in it the soul kept a reserve
Bliss, torment and passion.
He died. Here is his grave.
It was not created for people.

Epitaph of Napoleon

Yes, no one blames your shadow,
Man of rock! You are with people who have doom over you;
He who knew how to lead you, only he could overthrow you:
Nothing changes great things.

V.S. Soloviev

Vladimir Soloviev
Lies in this place.
First there was a philosopher
And now he has become a skeleton.
Having been kind to others,
He was also an enemy to many;
But, loving madly,
He plunged into the ravine himself.
He lost his soul
Not to mention the body:
The devil took her
The dogs ate him.
Passerby! Learn from this example,
How destructive is love and how useful is faith.

I.A. Bunin

Inscription on the gravestone

There are no, Lord, sins and atrocities
Above Thy mercy!
Slave of the earth and vain desires
Forgive his sins for his sorrows.
I kept the covenant of love sacredly in my life:
In days of melancholy, in defiance of reason,
I did not harbor any enmity against my brother,
I have forgiven everything according to Your word.
I, who have known deathly silence
I, who have accepted the sorrows of darkness,
From the depths of the earth I preach the gospel to the earth
Verbs of Unsunset Beauty!

M.I. Tsvetaeva

Epitaph

To the one who lies here under the spring grass,
Forgive, Lord, evil thoughts and sin!
He was sick, exhausted, not from here,
He loved angels and children's laughter.

Didn’t crush the snow-white lilac stars,
Even though he wanted to overcome the Lord...
In all his sins he was a gentle child,
And therefore - God forgive him

Words of condolences regarding a death are one way of showing sympathy for a person who has suffered a loss. Are expressed in short phrases your words to the relatives of the deceased, sincerely, from the heart, orally or in writing. When offering condolences, you need to be extremely tactful and not say too much. Take into account the degree of relationship, cause of death, and the person’s faith. Believe me, this is not easy for everyone, so there is something to talk about in the article, namely, how to express words of sadness.

What the heart tells you

On an intuitive level, people understand that in such situations support is necessary. A suffering person always seeks participation from those around him. But not everyone can choose the appropriate phrases and expressions; for many it is difficult.

If you have an inner feeling that words are unnecessary in a particular situation or you may get confused when saying them, it is better to come up and hug the person. Most often this is the most The best way condolences. A silent hug shortens the distance and helps him realize that his loss is understood and he is not alone in his grief.

What can you say to the loved ones of the deceased?

At the same time, tactile contact is not always appropriate. Therefore, it is important to have an idea of what is said on such days. There is no need to make a long speech. Words of grief should be succinct in content, but short.

In what form is it appropriate to express condolences?

A quick form of communication is not suitable (SMS, Viber) when you need to convey the depth of feelings - this is not the best way. The best way to express your support is in person, at a meeting or during a telephone conversation. You must speak from the heart and in your own words.
If you have poetic talent, then write a poem. However, on the day of a person’s death, reading it will be inappropriate. This option is suitable for a wake on the ninth day or on the first anniversary of death. The poem does not have to be read. It is better to write it on paper and place it next to the photograph of the deceased.
Alternatively, you can submit an obituary to a newspaper. A funeral note can be individual or collective. However, this does not replace personal communication.

Common phrases of mourning

There are well-known mournful phrases, among them:

"Rest in peace". They say it after burial and at wakes.
“The pain of loss cannot be expressed in words.”
“I offer my condolences and sincere sympathy for your grief.”
“Please accept my condolences on the death of (name of deceased IU).”
“We will keep in our hearts the good and bright memory of (IU).”
“I was shocked to the depths of my soul by your grief. I mourn with you."
"My condolences. It's hard to believe that we won't see (IW) again. I share your pain of loss."

How to Tactfully Offer Help

If it is possible to provide financial assistance, then this should be done in person; it is unlikely that they will ask you for money, although a funeral is always a big expense. If you wish to participate in the period of preparation, conduct or after the funeral ceremony, you need to offer your services. The person will know that there is someone to turn to.

Phrases you can use to express your desire to support a grieving person:

“Allow me to provide you with financial assistance.”

“I will be there and provide all possible assistance to you and your family.”
“You can count on my support these days. I will help resolve any (or specific) issues.”
“Don’t be shy, count on my participation.”
“I really want to help, count on me.”

Offering help must be sincere. In order for a person to feel your participation, he may really need it, then as the words are spoken, take his hand(s) in your palms and squeeze lightly. The mourner will definitely feel the sincere power of your words.

Forms of expressing condolences

The depth of the experience varies depending on who exactly the person has lost. How to cope with the loss of friends or a close relative: mother, father, children. Therefore, words of condolences must be selected in accordance with the loss that has occurred.

The cause of death must be taken into account; it may vary:

Due to old age.
Due to a serious illness.
Early, sudden, premature death.
Tragic death, accident.

The only unshakable condition that must be observed is to speak words of condolences sincerely and from the heart.

Words of condolences

Regarding the death of grandmother or mother

If a person has lost his mother or grandmother, then you can support him with the words:

“I share the pain of loss and experience it with you. I will remember (IU) with the warmest words.”
“This loss is difficult to accept. It’s painful to even think that (IU) is no longer with us, but the bright memory will always remain in our souls.”
“How early God took your mother. How hard it is for you, what grief. Please accept my sincere condolences."
“Sincere condolences to you, my dear. What a wonderful person has passed away. It’s like a candle has gone out.”
“The eternal memory will remain in my soul about your mother (grandmother). She was always kind and welcoming. I mourn with you."

Regarding the death of a father or grandfather

Words of loss regarding the death of a brother, father or grandfather:

“Please accept my sincere condolences. I feel deeply about caregiving. He was a support for you and your loved ones.”
“(name of the deceased) was a strong personality. Therefore, we need to be wise and persevere through this grief. We will continue what he did not finish.”
“We will carry the good memory of him throughout our lives.”
“I offer you my deepest condolences. I am very saddened by the death of your (IU). He was a wonderful man and we will miss him just like you.”
“Please accept my condolences regarding the passing of a loved one. Be strong, I am always with you."

Regarding the loss of my husband

If a woman’s husband has died, then express your sympathy like this:

“Sorry for your loss on the death of your husband. You went through life together, but you had to experience this grief. We will help you get through these difficult days. Be strong."
“It is impossible to make up for the loss. But the Lord will give you strength to survive the loss. We will always keep the bright memory of (PS).”
“It’s difficult to find words of consolation. The loss is irreplaceable, but we will be there, remember that.”

Regarding the death of a brother or friend

If a person’s brother or close friend has passed away, you can express your support with phrases such as:

“An irreparable loss. We can't believe he's gone. Eternal memory (IU).”
“He left this world, but remained in our hearts. We will remember him as long as we live."

Words of support

Relatives of the deceased

You can express condolences to the relatives of the deceased in writing by sending a message or telegram:

"Our condolences. It's hard to talk, and even harder to come to terms with the loss. Bright memory".
“It is impossible to resurrect (IU) with words, but we will be there. Eternal memory to the golden man."
“A bright man has left our world. Grief cannot be expressed in words. He (she) lived modestly and quietly, and left as if a candle had burned out. The Kingdom of heaven".

To a close friend or girlfriend

If grief happened to a close friend, then you can express condolences to him with words such as:

“Your grief has deeply wounded my heart. I don’t know if my words will console you, but you can count on me in everything. Let us pray together for the soul of the deceased.”
“Please accept my condolences my friend. I deeply respected (IW). It is difficult to find words of consolation, as I understand the severity of the loss. I will be there and together we will survive this grief.”
“My friend, I am sincerely sorry that he (she) left, but (IW) is looking down on us from heaven. Be strong. Count on my support, I share your grief and troubles with you.”

To support a close friend, first of all, to be close to her. When you first meet, be sure to hug and say words like:

“My dear, Friend, I will pray for the peace of the soul (IU) with you. Only prayer will help you survive this grief.”
“Your grief is my grief. I experience it with you and thank fate that I was familiar with (IU and degree of relationship).”
“It’s very painful now, my dear, be strong. I will support you in everything. You can count on my help at any moment."
“This news shocked me to the core. I will never forget how she (he) greeted guests, was kind to everyone and tried to help. I sympathize and cry with you.”

Work colleague

If grief happened to a work colleague, then you can support him with words such as:

“I know about the death of someone close to you. I will pray for the repose of his soul.”
"Our condolences. We will pray for her (him). May the Lord reward her (him) for all the good deeds done on Earth.”
“We are shocked by what happened. We sincerely sympathize with you and offer our help.”
“The loss of someone close to you has shocked us. We share the bitterness of loss, mourn and pray with you. Everlasting memory".
“The loss of a mother is a difficult grief. It's always difficult to say goodbye to loved ones. We mourn with you."

Regarding the death of a work colleague

If it so happens that a work colleague has died, then at the memorial table or in the cemetery you can say the following phrases:

“We worked together for several years and met almost every day. He was a good worker, and his young colleagues looked up to him as an example. He (IU) will forever remain in our memory as an example of life wisdom, humanity and honesty. Rest in peace".
“His (her) dedication to work and friendly attitude towards colleagues will forever remain in our memory. We loved and respected (IU), and now we will remember kind words and prayer."
“He (she) was a great friend and colleague. We will miss (name of deceased). The Kingdom of heaven".
“It’s hard to believe that he (PS) is no longer alive. Just recently we went out to lunch together, drank coffee and laughed merrily. I will miss you, your advice and jokes. Sleep well".

Short phrases about the loss of loved ones

Sometimes it is enough to limit yourself to a few words, but they must be sincere:

“This news shocked me. It is difficult to accept and impossible to come to terms with. Be strong."
“I share with you the pain of loss.”
“This news came as a heavy blow. Let us pray and remember (IU).”
“He (she) meant a lot to us. We grieve with you."
“Grief clouds the mind. Be strong, he wouldn’t want to see your tears.”

Funeral words

Muslims

If a Muslim’s loved one has died, you can support him with the following phrases:

“May Allah forgive all the sins of the deceased and comfort you.”
“May Allah forgive the sins of the deceased.”
"May Allah have mercy on him."

Among the Orthodox

An Orthodox person can be supported with short phrases like:

“Terrible loss. I pray for the soul of the man of God (IU),”
“Bright peace to ashes (IU).”
"Rest in the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Rest in peace".
"The Kingdom of Heaven and Eternal Memory."
"God is merciful."
"Lord, rest with the Saints."

How to express sympathy to the parents of children who have passed away?

The death of children is a cruel mistake of nature. It is children who must bury their mothers and fathers, but not vice versa. There is no consolation for the parents, grief until the end of their days, only pray for their repose and be, if possible, close to the mourners.

2014 was a difficult year in my life, I almost lost my son, he is in a stroller, but alive. But he is with me, I can hug him, kiss him, press him. But this year, a friend of mine lost two minor children and her husband in a car accident. What words? They simply don't exist. She herself is a psychologist, works at a school where her children ran along the corridors. Where this woman got and gets the strength to live on, only she knows.

“What a misfortune. I mourn with you."

Tatyana Snezhina “We are only guests in this life”

Important points

When offering words of condolences to any person regarding death, you need to pay attention to such nuances as:

When the situation requires an official tone, for example, the boss’s mother died, then you can express condolences in writing, from the entire team. If it was decided to present them personally, then this should be done by one person. You should not visit the mourner’s office or home in a group.
You should not read at a funeral or wake a poem that was found on the Internet. If it is truly sincere and corresponds to the situation, then you need to write it on paper and give it to the relative of the deceased.
Sad condolences to the most dear people express themselves in sincere words, moving away from cliched phrases. There is no universal advice here. You need to listen to your heart. Often touching (hugs, hand on shoulder) is stronger touching words sympathy.
When pronouncing mourning words, you need to rely on 4 feelings: sincerity, desire to help, sympathy and attention to the person.
People in a state of deep grief may respond inadequately to even the most sincere condolences. You should not be offended by them or sort things out. Anger at the whole world, depression, guilt, rejection of what happened - all this is a variant of the norm. Awareness of the situation occurs differently for everyone. It takes time and sympathy from loved ones.

As Cicero said: “The life of the dead continues in the memory of the living.” Therefore, we need to remember about relatives and loved ones who have passed on to the next world. This is what you should teach your children.

Take care of yourself and your loved ones!

Expressing feelings in words is not easy even in ordinary situations, but correctly formulating thoughts about grief and empathy for loved ones at the time of a person’s death is even more difficult. It is important not to tarnish the memory of the deceased, not to offend upset relatives and friends, and to sincerely talk about your attitude towards the loss. Appropriate condolences on the occasion of death differ depending on the relationship with the deceased during life and are structured in such a way as to avoid phrases and topics prohibited by unspoken rules.

How and what is customary to voice in condolences

When choosing words of condolences regarding a death, people are guided by 5 rules.

Do not sight-read sympathetic texts and do not speak in memorized phrases. A funeral is not a birthday where everyone is obliged to congratulate the birthday person and make a toast for show. Sincerity is important in grief. Funeral words are spoken by those who are ready to speak out loud and share their grief with others. Let it be one sentence or a couple of words, but from the heart.
It is better to tie words to a deceased loved one with a description of the person or unifying stories. Trained people recount good memories of a deceased relative or friend. Kind and funny incidents that can defuse the atmosphere of a wake are appropriate. A speech filled with personal details sounds warm and sweet, like sincere condolences to family and friends.
Do not be ashamed of the emotions corresponding to the situation. At the funeral of loved ones, people cry, scream, fall into a stupor, and this is normal. It is unacceptable to throw feigned tantrums or overdo it with the expression of insincere feelings. If these are mourning events on the occasion of the death of a colleague or a stranger, they are limited to restrained phrases and mournful silence.
Help when possible. The day of farewell, the preceding and subsequent events exhaust the already exhausted family members. Condolences regarding death include an offer of help if such a need is felt. You can share financial costs with relatives or promise moral support. It is only important to keep promises and not waste words.
Monitor the condition of the deceased's family members. It is necessary to support and be patient with manifestations of aggression, outburst of guilt and other emotions associated with the psychological acceptance of grief. In it hard times a person on the path to humility goes through 5 stages, where tears are replaced by shock, anger, and depression. Not everyone needs words of grief - stress prevents encouraging phrases from achieving their goal. Listening, being close, hugging or holding hands, if the level of the relationship allows, may be more useful.

If embarrassment or sadness prevents you from saying words of condolences to your family in person, you can convey your feelings in text. Condolences are written to short sms, electronic and paper letters. But the format does not cancel the point about the necessary amount of sincerity. Poems copied from the Internet or common phrases in written form look even more false.

How to express grief in your own words

If mourning events take place in the city of residence, condolences for the loss are conveyed in person or by telephone. It is more appropriate to pronounce lines in prose out loud. Expressing sympathy in poetry often sounds false.

When choosing the right words, they rely on the relationship of the mourner with the deceased. For a colleague or stranger, short, formal phrases are appropriate without the effect of mourning or exposing personal connections. If you can’t express your condolences in your own words, you can remain silent, a wreath without speeches.

To describe the pain of loss when parting with a familiar person, the text is formed from the reflection own feelings from loss, bright memories and words of support for the family. It is better to focus on the latter - condolences to family and friends should ease the pain a little, calm people down, and not retell the biography of the deceased.

When you can’t find the text, ready-made templates are used as a basis. The best option– dilute the example with personal facts so that sympathy comes from the heart. Here attention is also paid to the relationship of the deceased with the one who receives condolences. Urging children to preserve the bright memory of their father, who during his lifetime was not a wonderful person and brought only pain to his offspring, is unlikely to be appropriate.

Phrases about grief that are appropriate for friends and colleagues

To express condolences over the death of an unfamiliar character, the following words are suitable:

“Your father was a most talented man. We communicated little, but I followed his activities with pleasure. I will remember everything he did."
“Name was hardworking and kind.” Please accept our sincere condolences."
“I heard about the death of your husband. What an injustice of fate, I offer my condolences.”
“It is very difficult to come to terms with the loss of a friend. I can’t imagine how you feel, but I mourn with you.”
“This is an irreparable loss for the team. He was a bright soul, my condolences.”
“I heard sad news. I want to express my condolences on the death of my grandfather, take heart.”
“I deeply regret and empathize. Hold on, you still have to live."
“This is a terrible shock for all of us. My sincere condolences."
“I can’t find words of consolation, I can only sympathize with the grief.”
“We didn’t agree on everything, but that doesn’t diminish the grief. Let us be strong in suffering, like your son.”
“We didn’t have time to make friends, but as a colleague, “Name” taught me a lot. My sincere condolences to the family.”
“You have become an example for us in our work, a teacher and an assistant. It is impossible to find the right words, we are grieving.”

Select the template you like from the list, transform it to suit the situation and pronounce it. There is no point in memorizing examples to the point of automatism - improvisation and pauses will make the phrases come alive.

How to grieve for a loved one

For family members, girlfriend or boyfriend short words condolences dilute real facts and warm attitude:

“Mom is gone, but I feel her nearby. Let's remember these gentle hands and hugs. Let's keep a cozy home and a happy atmosphere of childhood in our hearts, because there will be no second mother. Everlasting memory."
“The death of a husband is the loss of half of the soul. I can’t imagine how fate dared to separate you. I offer my condolences to my wife and daughter. As the brother of the deceased, he is always ready to support with deeds and advice.”
“We went through so much together with your son, but never once, in difficult times or in happiness, did he leave me. They say that the best die early, and the death of “Name” confirms this. I sincerely sympathize and love you with all my heart.”
“Even though we didn’t have such a close relationship with dad as we did with mom, his passing left an indelible pain. You never quarreled with anyone, were rude or spoke badly about others. He always remained a kind, honest and bright person. We're glad you'll be remembered this way, Dad. And as daughters, we promise to continue your work and preserve the bright and good things that you have sown in our souls.”
“A mother’s grief is incomparable to anything. It's hard to express what it's like to lose a child, to lose a part of yourself. A misfortune you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. Be happy there, son. I hope my child ends up in a better world and finds peace.”
“I can’t imagine not touching my grandmother’s wrinkled hands again. I won’t find myself in a modest but cozy house that smells of herbs and medicines. I won’t wake up from the smell of pancakes and homemade jam. I won’t see my grandmother shaking her finger at an offending grandfather and scolding her parents as if they had mistreated their children. I'll miss you, grandma. Thank you for being there and giving me an incredible childhood.”
“I was lucky to meet my wife, lover and friend. Now I need to say goodbye, but I can’t find the words. You can’t prepare for goodbye; this pain struck at the most inopportune moment. I don't know how I'll cope without you. I love and remember you endlessly.”
“I lost a brother and a friend. We can’t count how many hikes we went on, mountains and caves we explored, songs we sang under the stars. How can I not measure my love and affection for you. Sleep well."

If quarrels and unresolved disputes arose with a loved one during your life, it is appropriate to apologize on your farewell day. Just mentioning the details of the conflict and expressing anger is not worth it. In the case of words to the deceased, the rule “Either good or nothing” applies.

How to support those closest to the deceased

It is better to voice condolences for a deceased loved one in person. When it is not possible to attend farewell events, you can place sympathetic phrases in a telegram, letter or on the funeral ribbon of a wreath. Sample words that are said when offering condolences to a family are mentioned below.

Husband wife

“Your connection cannot be broken by earthly death. I don’t know other couples where people love each other as much. But the man would like you to live on and enjoy every day. Please accept my sincere words of support."
“You are lucky to share your life with a woman who illuminated your existence with warmth and true love. I grieve for this bright soul and worry with you.”
« Real love doesn't die. Eternal memory to your beautiful woman."

Parents

“Letting go of your parents is not easy, but death is inevitable. I grieve with you."
“I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose a loved one. I cannot understand the reason why fate decided to take him away. I can’t share this pain with you, but I can be there.”

Children

“The death of a child is a terrible loss for a woman and a man. Be strong."
“The little angel did not deserve to die. Rest in peace."
“Don’t let sadness cloud your mind, we must stay strong for the sake of other children. I'm here, count on me."

Boyfriend/girlfriend

“Dude, this is incredibly painful. But we will have to move on. Come when you need help in word or deed. I'm near."
“They say friends are known in adversity. In this trouble, I am ready to help with whatever is needed. I express my condolences for the deceased.”

Universal

“It’s hard to talk about, but it’s even harder to survive and come to terms with it. I share the pain with you, you can count on my help.”
“Neither tears nor words can help the grief. But we are here and will help you survive the bitterness of loss.”

Before pronouncing words, the state of the mourner is assessed. In difficult situations, it is better to express condolences to a friend through touch: holding hands, hugging. Tactile contact will also help cope with the feeling of loneliness due to loss.

How to express condolences in writing

In supporting the relatives of the deceased, speed is important - after a week or two, the words needed in the first days are only once again will be reminded of what happened. If the message is sent in writing, messengers are chosen as channels, social media, telegrams, SMS and ribbon wreaths. Short texts of 1-2 sentences are suitable for services. If you need to write a long letter, use email.

In short messages, you can sacrifice your feelings and details of your relationship with the deceased. Correctly write something that will support family members:

“It’s impossible to believe what happened. Good memory, “Name.”
“I want to say that I deeply regret the death of your loved one. To a good person- bright memory."
“Let me offer my condolences. I share your grief and am ready to do whatever help is needed now.”

Words are sometimes written on postcards with a suitable print, but this format causes confusion. The card is associated with a holiday; you should not bring something like this on the day of a funeral. When they want to say special phrases or highlight a deceased person, they write obituaries in newspapers.

A Christian believer during a ritual burial is seen off with the words:

“Rest, Lord, the soul of the deceased”;
“Bright peace to ashes “Name””;
"The Kingdom of heaven";
“Lord, rest with the Saints”;
“Forgive voluntary and involuntary sins and grant the Kingdom of Heaven”;
"Rest in peace".

In Islam, it is customary to support relatives with instructions and pray to Allah. Stories from the life of the deceased should be left until the evening of remembrance - at a funeral, stories are unnecessary. Condolence with the phrases: “May Allah have mercy on the “Name”” or “May Allah forgive the sins of the deceased and have mercy on you.”

5 things they don't say at funerals

In order to express grief and not offend others, 5 prohibitions apply to texts of condolences.

Talk about grievances. Death put an end to the conflicts of the living, and there were no losers in this dispute. The surviving party forgets about the bad at least for a while funeral speeches. There is no strength to leave grievances in the past - it is better to remain silent.
Be ashamed of tears and ask others not to cry. Expressing grief through tears is a normal reaction of a person experiencing a loss. Let the grief flow out, otherwise the pain will transform into mental health problems.
Emphasize that death is natural and expected. “Grandfather was old, it was high time” or “He was drinking, his imminent death was obvious.” Such phrases insult the memory of the deceased and make loved ones angry. For a family, the loss may not be expected or obvious.
Talk about a happy future without a deceased person. Potential babies will not lessen the pain of losing a child. A future marriage will not force a man who has lost his wife to distance himself from mourning events.
Look for those to blame. “If you had treated him differently, he would still live” is not the best way to deal with pain.