The funniest

Early morning in the village, an ordinary family - mother, son and father without legs,

Early morning in the village, an ordinary family of mother, son and father without legs, which they lost in the war. The son is getting ready to go hunting, takes a gun and a cartridge, then his dad crawls up to him and says:
- Son, take me hunting, I really want to!
- Dad, how can I take you, you don’t have legs, what good are you?
- And you, son, put me in a backpack behind your back, and if we suddenly see a bear, you shoot at it - you won’t hit it, you turn your back, and I’ll kill it with one shot, you know it yourself - I shoot a squirrel in the eye from 100 meters! So we’ll bring the loot home, so we’ll have something to eat in the winter.
The son thought and thought and said, “Okay, dad, let’s go.”
They are walking through the forest, the father is sitting in a backpack, and then a bear meets them. The son shoots, misses, shoots again - misses again, turns his back, dad shoots - also waves, again - misses again. The bear is already rushing at them, well, the son will give it a try, and meanwhile the father is shouting - they say, quickly, they will catch up! They've been running for an hour, they have no strength, the son understands that he and his dad won't run that far - they'll both be lost, so he decided to throw off his backpack and runs on.
He runs home all out of breath and says to his mother:
- Mother, we no longer have a father... - with tears in his eyes.
His mother calmly puts down the frying pan, turns to him and says:
- How did you fuck me with your desire, then my dad came running 10 minutes ago in his arms and said that we no longer have a son!

They invited a guy at work to a corporate party and allowed him to come

They invited a man at work to a corporate party, they allowed him to come with his wives, the corporate party was themed - a masquerade, you had to come in costumes, with masks. No sooner said than done, they got ready before going out, and his wife had a headache, she said, “Go without me, and I’ll lie down at home for now,” and she herself came up with a cunning plan - to follow the man, how he would behave at the masquerade, to pester Zinka from the accounting department or get completely drunk. Before going out, she changed her costume, came and saw her hubby - first dancing with one, then twirling the other, guard! She decided to check how far he would go, invited him to dance, they danced and whispered in his ear: - Maybe we can retire...
They retired, did their business, and the wife quickly went home. Her husband arrived a little later, she decided to ask him:
F - Well? How do you like your corporate party?!
M - Yes, gray boredom, the men and I decided to go play poker, and before that Petrovich, our boss asked him to exchange suits, since he had dirty his, so he was lucky, can you imagine, some woman in the ass gave!

The son comes up to his father and asks: - Dad, what is it?

The son approaches his father and asks:
- Dad, what is virtual reality?
Dad, after thinking a little, says to his son:
- Son, to give you an answer to this question, go to your mother, grandparents, and ask them if they could sleep with an African for 1 million dollars. He approaches his mother and asks:
- Mom, could you sleep with an African for 1 million dollars?
- Well, son, it’s not a tricky matter, and we need money, of course I could!
Then he approaches his grandmother with the same question, and the grandmother answers him:
- Of course, grandson! If I had a million dollars, I would live the same number of years!!!
It's grandfather's turn, grandfather answers:
- Well, actually, once doesn’t count, so of course - yes, with this million we would build a house by the sea, and finally leave my grandmother!
The son returns to his father with the results, and the father says to him:
- You see, son, in virtual reality we have three million dollars, but in real reality - 2 simple #tuts and one faggot!

The girl invited the guy to visit, romantic, that's all. And

The girl invited the guy to visit, romantic, that's all. And at that moment his stomach began to twist, he simply had no strength to endure it anymore. They come into her apartment and the girl says:
- Come in, don’t be shy, go into the room, and now I’ll go to the bathroom and powder my nose...
It was somehow awkward for the guy to ask her ahead of her, so he decided to be patient, although he no longer had the strength to endure it. He walks into the room and looks - there’s a big dog sitting there. He took it and piled it in the room, and thinks that he will then blame everything on the dog, while he, contentedly, goes to the kitchen to drink tea.
The girl with the bath comes out and asks him:
D: Why don’t you go into the room?
P: There’s a big dog there, I’m afraid of it.
D: I found someone to be scared of, she’s plush...
P: Wow, she gave a shit like a real one!

Perestroika, collective farms are slowly dying out, everyone has gathered

Perestroika, collective farms are slowly dying out, all the animals have gathered in the barnyard and are discussing their future fate.
The bulls came out first and said: We must leave here while the hooves are still intact. The roof of the hangar is already leaking, it’s not raining, so we’re swimming like ducks. Next come the pigs: they haven’t eaten normal food for 100 years, the straw is all rotten, they give water once every three days. It’s impossible to live like this, you need to get out. All the other animals supported: Yes, yes, stop putting up with this and let’s go. One Sharik sits still, everyone asks him:
- Sharik, why are you sitting there?! Come with us!
Sharik answers:
- No, I won’t go with you, I have a prospect!
Animals:
- What is the prospect? You'll die of hunger here!
Ball:
- No, guys, I have a prospect here!
Animals:
- Well, what prospects do you have here, you’ll get sick, catch fleas and die alone here!
Ball:
- No guys, I have a perspective...
Animals:
- What kind of prospect is that?!?!?!
Ball:
- I heard here that the landlady told the owner “... if things continue like this, then we’ll suck Sharik all winter...”

New jokes

The husband runs home and says to his wife - WIFE, urgently, we have

The husband runs home and says to his wife - WIFE, urgently, we will have guests in half an hour, I called our boss to our house! Wife:
- Are you crazy?! We have nothing to eat!
- Well, figure something out, you definitely need to do something, because tomorrow they will distribute the money, whose salary will be increased!
- So we have nothing except soup and a can of peas!
- So, listen carefully! When he comes to us, I’ll tell him that you made an awesome steak and peas, and in the meantime I’ll treat him to some of my moonshine. And then you accidentally break a plate in the kitchen and shout that you dropped the steak and now it’s in the trash, you’ll only have to serve peas, nothing can be done.
We agreed, the boss came. The husband treats him to moonshine, then yells to his wife:
- Wife! Get the steak!
Plates are falling in the kitchen, there's a crash!
Husband:
- Well, what are you doing there? Did she really drop the steak in the trash?!
From the kitchen sobs:
- No, peas!



the most right relationship start in winter. if you like each other in a bunch of clothes, a hat and a red nose - that's definitely love.



You sit in class, diligently deciding. you check from the board AND THERE IS NOTHING FUCKING CORRECT WHAT DID I TRY IN VASTNESS?



If my parents found out what I was dreaming about, they would pour holy water on me and send me to a mental hospital, definitely.



Sent a text message in which she confessed her love

and I'm a daring, confident woman, DE


The teacher didn’t understand what letter you wrote and counted it as a mistake? HOW DARE THE SLAVE, WITHOUT UNDERSTANDING THE ROYAL HANDWRITING, DOUBT THE CORRECTNESS OF WHAT WAS WRITTEN? THE KING IS ANGRY, THE WOMAN IS VERY ANGRY.



The answer to the question: "Where?" - Only a gynecologist will always answer you correctly!



if a person is not attracted to you, it is better to leave him alone NO, IT'S AGAINST MY RULES



sent a text message in which she confessed her love

TURNED OFF THE PHONE, DELETED THE VK PAGE, CLOSED IN THE ROOM, COVERED WITH A BLANKET, PRESENTED A REACTION
and I’m a daring, confident woman, YES


I woke up: oh, I had such a cool dream, I should tell everyone. I went and washed, got dressed, and made the bed. FORGOT A DREAM



If you've never shouted the wrong answer to the whole class, then you don't know anything about an awkward moment.



so many girls fall in love with the wrong boys because the wrong boys tell them the right things.



said something correctly in math

OH YES I'M A NERD


The best relationships begin in winter. If you like each other in a bunch of clothes, a hat and a red nose - this is definitely love!!!



It’s infuriating when you answered a lesson correctly, no one heard you, and after you some smart guy repeated it, and they tell him

Well done, five.
YEAH, OF COURSE FUCK


The rule is this: if you kissed someone, you need to get married and have children. That's how it's supposed to be (Howard, 8 years old).



It's too late to go back to start everything right, but it's not too late to rush forward to finish everything right.



I dream. Sometimes it seems to me that this is the only right thing in the world.




Each of us dreams of finding a person with whom we will joyfully live our whole lives and build the most strong relationships. How to build a strong relationship in general? People want to meet their soulmate. A man is looking for a caring and faithful life partner. And girls dream that their chosen one will become a protector for them and that it will be like behind a stone wall. A simple question arises: how to build strong relationships that will last a lifetime? The fact is that the establishment of any strong relationship, including even business relationships, always begins with communication and acquaintance. Sometimes that's where it all ends. There is also an opinion that the strongest relationships begin only in winter. Is it really because of the need to warm up? We need to look into this in more detail.

How to build strong relationships

In order for a strong relationship to be truly long and strong, there are some tips. Ideally, future spouses or partners should meet at work or study. This is because they have common interests and responsibilities. Working together will unite a man and a woman and make their relationship stronger. It turns out that the strongest relationships arise precisely where there is something connecting the two people themselves, in addition to just relationships, and this does not always have to happen in winter. Then, establishing strong, long-term business relationships is precisely the path to the goal.

How to build a strong relationship: the right age

A strong relationship is also possible if certain conditions are met. The establishment of strong and long-term business relationships will depend on whether there are age differences in this tandem, since when in such a relationship one partner is older, then cooperation is preferable. One partner teaches the other. Age also plays a big role in building a reliable family. Girls develop much faster than boys. Already an adult girl can carry and give birth healthy child. But the ideal age for marriage is considered to be between twenty-two and twenty-three years old. A man should marry after twenty-five years, when he finally matures. According to the recommendations and opinions of psychologists, a man should always be older than a girl, which is the guarantee that this will be the strongest relationship.

How to build strong relationships: approval and support

The opinion of parents, how the older generation feels about the choice of a daughter or son, means a lot. Parents' approval of their child's choice is also good support and the basis for a future family, a guarantee that the relationship will be strong. Many believe that with leaving parental family everything is back to normal. In any case, mother and father will appreciate the choice and treat it with understanding. This is not true at all! It often happens that parents purposefully destroy a family. This can even happen unconsciously. But grain by grain a huge pile accumulates, capable of promoting divorce. Establishing strong business relationships is also preferable if there is the approval of significant social circles, which can be family and friends, that is, personally close people, as well as the work team or society as a whole.

How to build a strong relationship: respect and love

It is not even discussed that relationships should be built on mutual respect and love, reverent and tender feelings. A strong relationship requires that there be harmony in these matters. Otherwise nothing will work! Establishing strong and lasting business relationships is built on respect and support. For young families there should be no such thing as a “civil marriage”. This destroys the idea of ​​a formal marriage. When young people live without a stamp in their passport, they are essentially not bound by any obligations. You can get up and leave at any time. When people live in an official marriage, when problems arise, they often try to solve them together. Just sit down and figure it out. Have a heart-to-heart talk, express all grievances. In general, do everything possible to save the family.

How to build strong relationships: seize the moment

A significant amount of time passes from the start of a relationship to marriage. There are certain aspects that will help you make the right decision and create a strong marriage. The duration of courtship can be short or long. If the proposal comes within six months, then this is considered a short courtship period. Statistics show that such families are more likely to break up. Why? Because people still don’t know each other at all, even if it seems quite the opposite. All the skeletons in the closet have not yet been discovered. But the courtship period should not be more than three years, otherwise a strong relationship will no longer be built.

How to build strong relationships: avoid crises

Why? It seems that people have literally become closer over such a long period of time. Such relationships will not become strong, because monotony of communication already arises, the man and woman simply tire of each other. People cannot remain in the status of “just lovers” all their lives. Relationships over time require reaching a new level. In any situation when you begin to feel that your seemingly strong relationship has changed and become gray, do not waste time - visit a family psychologist. This is an indicator that a relationship crisis has arrived, and you will never be able to cope with it alone. collaborate with professionals.

How to Build Strong Relationships: Take the Initiative

It is very important for the formation of a future family to know who initiated the proposal. According to the classics, this is a man, this is the guarantee that this will be the strongest relationship. But there are exceptions. With the development of all spheres of society, women ascribe to themselves more and more male responsibilities. This is not always correct. Most often, if a girl proposes to enter into a relationship, this is explained by pregnancy. After all, there are a great many such cases!

How to build a strong relationship: prepare the foundation

Unfortunately, very often a man leaves the family after some time, leaving the woman to raise the child alone. This happens because young people are simply not ready for the birth of a child. Of course, children are always happiness and joy, but not everyone can cope with this. Family like social institution, must go through certain stages so that future parents are prepared for the upcoming responsibility. In order to have confidence that the relationship will be strong, it is necessary to work with family psychologist. This will create the foundation for this to be a strong and lasting relationship.
If an already pregnant girl walks down the aisle, then the newlyweds skip the stages they need. Added to everything else financial difficulties. Therefore, such families cannot be considered strong; of course, there are exceptions, but in most cases the outcome is sad.
Partners must truly love, appreciate and support each other. Under no circumstances should manipulation be allowed, because in the future the situation will only get worse. The relationship will develop into happy marriage, if you take into account the above recommendations. Of course, they are not rules; you can live happily without following them. The main thing is that the guy and the girl love each other and are happy together!