The ex-boyfriend writes what he wants. Good relationship with your ex

You just started smiling in the morning and before bed. Suddenly…

You've been together for a while. Perhaps several months, perhaps many years. You were passionate about each other, or even in love. Then it happened that you broke up.

You were sad, angry, cried, lost a couple of kilograms. I consoled myself with my friends, visited a psychologist, played sports, traveled the world, took up a dozen new hobbies, realized that life was just beginning, began to look great, go to concerts, theaters, and dates. I started smiling in the morning and before bed. Suddenly…

Rising from the ashes, he is born. As in the old joke: “All in white!”

Where he was? Why did you come back? What does he want? How should I react to him? These and other questions instantly pop up in a woman’s head, leading her into confusion.

A colleague of mine once gave a great example from the life of porcupines: “At night, when it gets cool, porcupines roll together to warm themselves. But as soon as they get close, they hurt each other with their long needles. Animals move away from pain. It gets cold again, they get closer again, hurt each other, roll back... This is how the night of the porcupines passes.”

When I heard this story, I immediately had an association with ex-men. There is no such “porcupine” that has never “rolled” back. Why are they doing that?

Why they come back: three reasons

The first reason: to evaluate the correctness of the choice

Men are pragmatic, and for the most part have analytical warehouse mind. Once a man has made a choice, he checks its relevance and correctness at certain intervals. Be it marriage with a woman, or breaking up with her. At the same time, it is worth understanding that a man remembers his ex at the moment when something went wrong with his present one. Therefore, by the frequency of appearances, you can track the dynamics of his personal life without even asking him about it.

Second reason: check ownership

If the initiative for the breakup came from a man, and especially if there was no breakup as such, and he simply moved away, he retains a sense of the right to possess this woman for a long time. And then the man appears to make sure that her thoughts and feelings still belong to him.

Your emotional reaction will help him make sure of this. It doesn’t matter whether it is positive or negative. If a woman loves and waits, she belongs to him. If a woman hates or suffers, she belongs to him. This is why our ex so often triggers an emotional reaction in us. Cold-blooded, benevolent indifference is the worst thing a man can discover. So he understands that the woman is no longer his.

Third reason: you started living

A happy woman has a magnet - a man is drawn to her. Starting a relationship in a fulfilled state, a woman focuses on the man and forgets about life in all its diversity. And it becomes empty.

Then for a long time, suffering for a man after a breakup, the woman does not really live, remaining empty. Naturally, he doesn’t remember her. But when she begins to live, do things she loves, communicate, enjoy, go on dates, create career success, the man feels this energy. The energy of life, positivity, success, pleasure, and immediately appears. A full, charged woman becomes interesting to him again.

If an ex appears in your life, and you are not going to renew your relationship with him, then remember these three tips.

The appearance of former men in a woman’s life can be safely perceived as a compliment to her energetic fullness.

Tip 2: Be friends if such relationships create value for you

I don't recommend making friends with ex-man within a year or two after the breakup. This is the period of living through loss. At this moment, friendship cannot be sincere; most likely, it is accompanied by suffering and hopes of one of the parties. But after the separation process has been completed, we can maintain friendly relations with former partners if it is beneficial and pleasant for both.

Being friends with an ex means receiving/creating help and support, collaborating, raising your spirits, and much more that people who like each other in many ways can do.

Tip 3: Be amazed and grateful for universal wisdom

It’s surprising, but through the prism of time, people begin to understand that the breakup was not a drama, not a tragedy, but a gift. Almost no one, ten years after a divorce or separation, thinks about resuming the relationship. The more time passes, the more obvious the grand design of the universe becomes.

Have a great past, present and future female happiness, my dears!

The ex is the same man you broke up with, who broke your heart and for whom you shed a lot of tears. Time passed and here it is, a miracle, he wrote: “Hello! How are you doing?" And the woman’s heart trembled: “He realized what a treasure he had lost! He bit his elbows, knees and heels and finally appreciated me! I’m his queen and he loves me!” This is what women think (not all, of course, but the vast majority), but what actually happens?

Previously, in order to, you had to lift your butt and come home to it. Later, this process became much more accessible and easier; you just had to dial the coveted number on your cell phone and chat. Now you don’t have to stress at all; in any messenger or social network you type “Hello!” from the phone, and that's it. At this point the courtship process can be considered complete. And if a man also sends a bouquet with a smiley face, then it’s generally happiness. So, why is he writing (key word: he didn’t come, he didn’t even call, he’s just writing, his ex).

Option one. Because it's boring

The most common case when an ex writes is simple boredom. At home, your wife or new girlfriend has prepared cabbage soup, TV shows nonsense as usual, the beer has been drunk, there is a snowstorm outside, it’s boring. And so, wandering around the vast expanses of the Internet, he accidentally finds her and remembers her existence. Why not chat before your wife covers all correspondence with a copper basin? It’s just boring to such an extent that non-binding communication with your ex is quite suitable. Again, nostalgia...

Option two. Because it's interesting

Sometimes it’s just interesting, from a cognitive perspective, how does she live there? What is he doing? Maybe she drank herself from grief? Or, on the contrary, did you get into weightlifting? Or does the one and only me still suffer? Most often, exes try to find out if the girl has new man, and if not, the evening was a success. Sometimes there is nothing wrong in the ex’s head at all, I just wonder how she lives, with what, with whom, why? It’s like looking at pages in Odnoklassniki.

Option three. Boast of

It turns out that men are also very, especially they like to “fluff their tail” in front of their ex-girlfriends. Especially if she left him herself, but if he also fled into the sunset, then that’s okay too. Men quite often deliberately look for their ex on the Internet, only to show her photographs of their new car or their new girlfriend or themselves, “photoshopped”, with six-pack abs and a brutal chin to boot. Only those men whose dignity was once hurt by a girl are capable of writing: “Hello!” and then casually boasting of their real and imaginary victories. So a simple “hello” is more likely a stupid revenge than a desire to communicate with a former love.

Option four. Need free sex

In general, it’s practically a win-win option. Evening, bored, no money for anything night club, where you can pick up a girl, or in a cafe where you can invite new girl, nor for paid love. Or maybe you don’t want to bother like that, or maybe you have neither the money nor the desire to do anything at all. Therefore, from the endless list of “ex”, the most accessible one is found and they write to her: “Hello!” And then two or three words about how bored he is (in the best option) or simply the sentence “Come to me, I’m sad.” And that’s it, the trick is in the bag, the evening stops being so boring and monotonous. And yes, if one ex refused, then there will always be another ex who, overjoyed to the point of madness, will rush to the “Prince Charming” into the night.

Option five. Raise your self-esteem

There is nothing better for a man than for a woman who has suffered for him for a long time. And although men never directly talk about this out loud, they love to casually throw out phrases like: “Three years have passed since we broke up, and she’s still alone,” “She’s getting married soon, but she still writes to me.” “,” “After we broke up with her, she went to a monastery,” “She got married and gave birth to three children, but she still loves me exclusively!”

And it is precisely during periods of slight doubt about his irresistibility (he had a fight with his wife, the girl refused, the date fell through, the new mistress sent to heaven for a star) that a man, lying on the sofa, remembers that he has Masha! Former Masha, who is ready to shed tears for him forever! And to make sure of his own irresistibility, uniqueness and irreplaceability, the man finds Masha and writes to her: “Hello!”

And making sure that they still suffer for him, he smacks his lips with satisfaction and falls asleep in the peaceful sleep of the baby. Until a new mental crisis, the former Masha can also sleep peacefully.

Option six. I don't know why

But the most popular option for why an ex is writing is: “HZ.” The ex himself doesn’t know why the hell he’s writing to his ex-girlfriend. It just “wrote” itself and that’s it. And to be honest, he doesn’t care what’s going on in his ex’s soul. Most often, the “I don’t know why” option happens when you’re drunk, and falls into the category of thoughtless antics such as drunkenly singing Leps’ songs or squatting dances.

And where is love in these options?

Sometimes it happens that even after breaking up ex-boyfriend/the girl continues to write to you in social networks or even send SMS. How to evaluate such behavior?

Analyzing the situation

There may be several reasons why an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend writes.

Your ex still has feelings for you and wants to reconnect

Some time after a breakup, a person may reevaluate your relationship. Having felt what it is like to live without you, your loved one will understand that the separation was a mistake. Accordingly, the most in a simple way Various messages will reassert themselves.

If you do not share his desires, then it is better to say so right away so as not to torment the person.

Your partner wants to build a friendship with you

Often two people who are completely unhappy with each other as lovers become excellent friends. They have a great time in each other's company: go to the movies and cafes, discuss the latest games and books, have picnics with mutual friends, and so on.

Perhaps this type of relationship will suit you too, because after a breakup maintaining friendly relations is more than modern. Therefore, if the ex writes, offering harmless friendly communication, then why not agree.

There is still some unsaidness between you

Perhaps the reason why an ex-girlfriend writes (usually this is typical of ladies) is an attempt to clarify those issues that remain unresolved in your relationship. This could be an old unspoken grievance or some incident that became very important for your relationship, but which you never really had time to talk about.

By reconnecting, your ex-girlfriend, perhaps, is simply trying to “complete his gestalt.” If you have a good attitude towards this person, then it would be quite logical to meet halfway and discuss with your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend the issue that concerns him/her.

Partner feels guilty

If the separation occurred on the initiative of one of the partners, then by sending you messages (for example, congratulations on the holidays), the ex-lover is trying to soften the blow and make sure that everything is okay with you. And maybe even ask for forgiveness.

Perhaps it makes sense to let the person speak out, because then it will become easier not only for the ex, but also for you.

Plays with you

There are men and women who like to play love games with others. They are attracted by the very idea that they are dear to someone, loved by someone. Even without the desire to date you, such a person will try to maintain contact even after breaking up, just so that he can get his share of pleasure from your feelings for him.

In this situation, such selfishness will be the only reason why the ex or ex is writing. It would be simply stupid to hope for anything. Therefore, it is better to break such a connection once and for all, starting life from scratch with another person.

Men, for the most part, break up easier than most women. But they return just as easily. Let's see how to correctly build your line of behavior in a relationship with an ex-man.

Men try to tie a woman to themselves - even if the relationship is over. In their opinion, this is an ellipsis. AND ex-woman, rejoicing at a sudden call some time after the breakup, will probably not refuse, at a minimum, sex, and at maximum, will open his arms towards the one who suffered and suffered, but returned (because, most likely, no one else needs him ). This is how men talk. Moreover, it is common for relationships between two people to not be completed psychologically, despite the fact that they have already been completed formally (divorce, breakup, or even renunciation of each other). Left unsaid, unfinished, lack of new goals - all this can drag on for years, along with resentment, anger and jealousy. Therefore, when an ex is interested in the life of a woman with whom things didn’t work out for him, there can be no talk of any indifference. The man is still emotionally involved in the relationship. And the third point is obligations to each other. If they are legally justified - there are children together, alimony must be paid, etc., then in this case the “relationship” is built through the court. If there was no marriage, then a man can voluntarily help his ex or her (common) children. In any case, there remains a certain connecting link between people, on the basis of which a return can follow. All advice on relationships with an ex-man, boyfriend or husband is divided into two categories, depending on the situation: whether you let each other go or not. In the first case, the “gestalt of your relationship” is completed, as psychologists would say. Parting without offense, with forgiveness and gratitude to each other is the best thing that can happen. Contact between you may remain, but the likelihood that either of you will be drawn back to the past again is extremely low. This seems paradoxical: by letting go of each other, a man and a woman are left with good memories, and trying to enter the same river a second time is quite logical. However, it is not. Completed relationships do not need to be repeated. “Let's start over”, “We can succeed” - these are signs that you want to make up for lost time, this is the illusion that you can throw away the past. But if you still have complaints against each other, then the situation is not over. When you go to court with them, it is obvious that it is impossible to reach an agreement peacefully, and this is a clear sign of the complete destruction of the relationship. If only the court is able to oblige your ex to do what any normal man would do anyway, then forget about the relationship with this person, learn the lessons they gave you, and build a new personal life.

What to do if your ex wants to come back?

There are plenty of cases of resumption of relationships after a seemingly final separation. There are people who conclude remarriage with each other after a divorce, or who do not want to get a divorce in the hope that the old relationship will return. However, most attempts to “start over” are unsuccessful, and after a while a break occurs again. I really want to give a second chance, accept and forgive my ex. Fear of loneliness and dependence, or formal reasons (children, “undivorced” marriage) seriously put pressure on a woman. Understanding that a man who leaves once will leave a second time is not easy. Only strong resentment and pain can force a woman to isolate herself from her ex and not let him into her life anymore. Here, female pride will be a defense against the trauma of “abandonment,” and in this case, a necessary and adequate defense. The main thing is that this is not projected onto relationships with new men, otherwise the victim woman will fall into exactly the same trap. If the parting was good, but it still didn’t work out to let each other go, then you can accept your ex - most likely, this is a well-forgotten male passion. At the same time, a woman should not count on anything more. After all, the first separation cannot be forgotten; it happened for some reason, and as soon as the two try to deepen the relationship, these reasons will come to the surface again. Then you will have to part “kindly” again.

What else should you not do in a relationship with your ex?

1. Trying to get him back with inappropriate actions It is clear that following this advice does not always work. You can get rid of jealousy only by raising your self-esteem. To take revenge on him or a rival is to step into the abyss of your own misfortune. Even if your ex is lonely, you don’t need to put pressure on him or feel sorry for him - you will get nothing but the establishment of dependence and a relationship of mutual blackmail. 2. Lie and provoke These are also signs that you care about him. But not the whole truth is appropriate - for example, it is not always worth talking about your troubles and problems, about the fact that you are lonely - this, again, is pressure on pity. Refusing help to your ex is unconscious revenge - “let him suffer now.” If you cannot forget your ex, this is a reason to understand yourself, and not blame a man for your suffering. 3. Lend money or build a business partnership Gluing personal relationships together with the help of work, money or business is a desperate attempt to win a man back by chance. Most likely, you will receive a mountain of accusations of your incompetence, and in the worst case, all financial problems will be blamed on you.

Looking at the placement of planets in your horoscope will tell you what awaits you in your personal life over the next 3 months.

1875 rub 4. Be kind if there is no kindness There is no need to play nobility. If you are angry with your ex, you should not “do him good,” help him, take care of him, etc. If you are angry, be angry. It’s better to express all emotions, all grievances, live through them, work through them with a psychologist or friends. It is better to break up, realizing why you are angry with the man. If you both know what you are offended by and admit that you are both to blame for the breakup, then it will be easier to let each other go. Right Relationships with an ex - it's pleasant friendly relations. They have no claims or demands. Both you and he have the right to a new personal life, and you can always help each other out if necessary. Let the man go in peace - this will be the point in the relationship... which, to your surprise, will continue! Only with a new understanding and at a new level - at the level of gratitude for your shared past.

Once upon a time you met him and you became romantically involved. You were in love and quite happy, but something went wrong. The relationship between a man and a woman is a kind of contract that is built on sexual, love, friendship, financial or psychological components. If any clause of the “contract” is not fulfilled, .

Breaking up can be quite painful. But sometimes it becomes even more painful if the ex begins to assert himself again. As a rule, this happens at the most unexpected moment, when everything is already fine without him, and even more often when a husband and children appear.

Reasons why can write ex-lover, a bunch of. It is necessary to pay attention not only to the fact that he is suddenly, but also to the fact that he is the one for you.

If he mainly writes about how his business is going, most likely he just decided to show you that he is doing well without you. If he talks about his new woman, work, car, etc., means he wants you to regret breaking up with such a “great guy.” This reason for your communication lies on the surface, but if you dig deeper, you can see his feelings that have not yet extinguished. Think logically, why would a person who is already happy tell you about this? Definitely, he still cares about you, even if he himself doesn’t understand it yet.

If your ex is more interested in your life, it means that he has not cooled off towards you. In this way, he shows signs of attention to you, because not every man knows how to listen to a woman.

If ex-love openly expresses his feelings to you, you must make an important decision for yourself.

Is it worth going back to your ex-boyfriend?

Immediately remember what caused your separation. It’s not for nothing that you had a relationship with him last time. Is it worth making the same mistake again?

Think about your real life. If you have a reliable man and are afraid of losing him, be careful when texting your ex. Make a comparative description of your two lovers and compare the feelings you have for each of them.
Remember that there are guys who write ex-girlfriends just to unsettle them. Some of them want revenge for having once been abandoned.

In any case, it’s up to you to decide how to answer him and whether it’s worth answering at all. Listen to your heart, and it will tell you why your ex-love is for you.

If you have not yet found your soul mate, then you must understand that this important issue will not be resolved without reasonable initiative and active search. If you take the initiative into your own hands, success will be guaranteed.

Instructions

Specify those spiritual qualities that you consider obligatory in a person - kindness, intelligence, sense of humor, reliability. This is quite enough to make you happy. Think about what you yourself can offer in exchange for . Become interesting and people who are interesting to you will appear on your path.

If you have certain hobbies and interests, then this greatly simplifies the matter - you can always find at least a like-minded woman in a sports or gym, on the ski slope or in the pool. Travel, this also greatly increases the possibility of an interesting meeting. However, you can also meet her while communicating in chat rooms and forums on the Internet. The main thing is to take advantage of every opportunity that comes your way, without giving up any of them.