Irina, Tolyatti

What can it mean if the birth of a child and death coincide? loved one?

Good afternoon My dad was sick with an incurable disease (oncology). I became pregnant with my second child while he was battling illness. The pregnancy went well, only towards the end my dad got worse and worse, he was in great pain, but it was as if he was waiting and didn’t want to upset me with his death until I gave birth. And I began to pace more than expected. Finally, in the morning at the end of August, I gave birth to a son, my dad found out about this and left us by the evening of the same day. I was in the maternity hospital and didn’t make it to the funeral, in a dream I asked him for forgiveness for everything. The son was born healthy, but at 1.5 months he began having epileptic seizures. Maybe there is an explanation for this from a religious perspective? Maybe I should do something? I light candles for the repose in church, I know that dad only wanted the best. Maybe it’s no coincidence that my son’s birthday and the day of my dad’s death coincided. Thanks for the answer.

I think that you need to separate these two events within yourself. The death of a person, unfortunately, is natural (it is not an extraordinary event), even if it is a person close to us. What appears must disappear, what is born must die. The spirit returns to God, but the body goes into the earth “from where it was taken” (Gen. 3:19). The main thing is that in the interval between these events.

I hope that your dad was not indifferent to his soul and tried to take care of it, and the sorrows that he endured before his death cleared away what he could not or did not have time to repent of. He has left and stands before the Throne of God. We can help him now only through prayer and acts of mercy in his memory. And he, if possible, will ask for mercy for you and your son.

Dad knew about your love for him. He probably wouldn’t be offended by you for being absent from the funeral - after all, you gave birth to his grandson, who would be loved by him. Continuation of his family.

Usually priests are not spirit seers (unless they deceive themselves). I do not know and cannot know the cause of your child’s illness, but in addition to the help of doctors, which is not a sin to seek, my request is: try not to be formal Christians. It is necessary not only to give the child communion frequently, but also for the whole family not to abandon home prayer and church services. You need to find an opportunity for your repentance, i.e. so that you, parents, can approach the Chalice with a clear conscience.

And, as we pray in the “Our Father”: “Thy Will be done”! God's mercy is greater than our expectations; we just need to see it in everything that happens to us. Everything happens to us for our salvation, but the medicines for our illnesses are also bitter. And don’t forget to give thanks for what we have.

Since childhood, I have noticed such coincidences that very often, in almost every family, there is such a pattern that grandchildren and grandmothers are born “in groups.” Not necessarily on the same day, but close - within the same week, for example, or with a difference of 10-15 days.

There are three such cases in my family, and I myself gave birth to a daughter 4 days before my mother’s birthday. My daughter couldn’t wait, she wanted to see the world)

This happens in almost every family. Why? What's the mystery?

I read an interesting opinion on this topic on one forum.

It was said that such coincidences carry an internal meaning hidden in the family program. A person is born for a reason, but with a certain task from the point of view of his family - these people, born on the same day or very close, have the same task.But this does not mean at all that events in these people’s lives should coincide. They don't have to match at all. The date is a coincidence of internal programs; the event side should not be repeated, but the level of internal experiences or comprehension of life can be repeated.

I still wonder why this happens?

By the way, I have noticed more than once that if grandmothers and grandchildren are born on the same day or very close, then in the future these people have quite good mutual understanding and warm relationships. Often better than with other grandchildren or with another grandmother.

Coincidences also often occur when children in the same family are born within a narrow period of time. That is, the difference between their birthdays is very small. True, in this case it is possible to somehow This can be explained from a medical point of view; apparently, in some months it was easier for their mother to get pregnant.

By the way, very small differences in dates of birth often occur among cousins and sisters - you can’t explain it here, because mothers are different)

An interesting example from life. One friend was born on May 13, and her brother was born on May 15. They grew up, created their own families, they had children... his daughter is born on May 13, and she has a son... May 15))

Naturally, such coincidences do not always happen and not for everyone.
Tell us about your interesting cases.

And can you somehow explain this connection?

Add yourself

In everyday life, when we talk with someone we know and he says: “You know, so-and-so died,” the usual reaction to this is a question: How died? Very important, How a person dies. Death is important to a person's sense of self. It is not only negative in nature.

If we look at life philosophically, we know that there is no life without death, the concept of life can only be assessed from the perspective of death.

I once had to communicate with artists and sculptors, and I asked them: “You depict various aspects of a person’s life, you can depict love, friendship, beauty, but how would you depict death?” And no one immediately gave a clear answer.

One sculptor who immortalized the siege of Leningrad promised to think about it. And shortly before his death, he answered me like this: “I would depict death in the image of Christ.” I asked: “Is Christ crucified?” - “No, the ascension of Christ.”

One German sculptor depicted a flying angel, the shadow of whose wings was death. When a person fell into this shadow, he fell into the power of death. Another sculptor depicted death in the form of two boys: one boy sits on a stone, with his head on his knees, his whole head directed downwards.

The second boy holds a pipe in his hands, his head is thrown back, he is all focused on following the tune. And the explanation of this sculpture was this: it is impossible to depict death without accompanying life, and life without death.

Death is a natural process. Many writers tried to portray life as immortal, but it was a terrible, terrible immortality. What is endless life - endless repetition of earthly experience, cessation of development or endless aging? It is difficult to even imagine the painful state of a person who is immortal.

Death is a reward, a respite; it is abnormal only when it comes suddenly, when a person is still on the rise, full of strength.

And older people want to die. Some old women ask: “Now that she’s healed, it’s time to die.” And the patterns of death that we read about in the literature, when death befell the peasants, were normative in nature.

When a villager felt that he could no longer work as before, that he was becoming a burden to his family, he went to the bathhouse, put on clean clothes, lay down under the icon, said goodbye to his neighbors and relatives and died calmly. His death occurred without the pronounced suffering that occurs when a person struggles with death.

The peasants knew that life is not a dandelion flower that grew, blossomed and scattered with the blow of the wind. Life has deep meaning.

This example of the death of peasants dying after giving themselves permission to die is not a peculiarity of those people; we can find similar examples today. Once a cancer patient came to us. A former military man, he carried himself well and joked: “I went through three wars, pulled death’s mustache, and now its time has come to pull me.”

We, of course, supported him, but suddenly one day he could not get out of bed and took it completely unambiguously: “That’s it, I’m dying, I can’t get up anymore.” We told him: “Don’t worry, this is a metastasis, people with metastases in the spine live a long time, we will take care of you, you will get used to it.” - “No, no, this is death, I know.”

And, imagine, after a few days he dies, without having any physiological prerequisites for this. He dies because he decided to die. This means that this good will to death or some kind of projection of death occurs in reality.

It is necessary to allow life to end naturally, because death is programmed at the moment of human conception. A person acquires a unique experience of death during childbirth, at the moment of birth. When you deal with this problem, you can see how intelligently life is structured. As a person is born, so he dies, easily born - easily dies, hard to be born - hard to die.

And the day of a person’s death is no more random than the day of his birth. Statisticians are the first to raise this problem, discovering that people often have the same date of death and date of birth. Or, when we remember some significant anniversaries of the death of our relatives, it suddenly turns out that the grandmother died and a grandson was born. This transmission across generations and the non-randomness of the day of death and the day of birth is striking.

Clinical death or another life?

Not a single sage has yet understood what death is, what happens during death. Such a stage as clinical death was left practically unattended. A person falls into a comatose state, his breathing and heart stop, but unexpectedly for himself and for others, he returns to life and tells amazing stories.

Natalya Petrovna Bekhtereva recently died. At one time, we often argued, I told about cases of clinical death that were in my practice, and she said that this was all nonsense, that changes were just happening in the brain, and so on. And one day I gave her an example, which she then began to use and tell herself.

I worked for 10 years at the Oncological Institute as a psychotherapist, and one day I was called to see a young woman. During the operation, her heart stopped; it could not be started for a long time, and when she woke up, I was asked to see if her psyche had changed due to the long oxygen starvation of the brain.

I came to the intensive care ward, she was just coming to her senses. I asked, “Can you talk to me?” - “Yes, but I would like to apologize to you, I caused you so much trouble.” - “What troubles?” - “Well, of course. My heart stopped, I experienced such stress, and I saw that it was also a lot of stress for the doctors.”

I was surprised: “How could you see this if you were in a state of deep narcotic sleep, and then your heart stopped?” - “Doctor, I would tell you much more if you promise not to send me to a psychiatric hospital.”

And she said the following: when she fell into a narcotic sleep, she suddenly felt as if a soft blow to her feet made something inside her turn, like a screw being turned out. She had the feeling that her soul had turned outward and emerged into some foggy space.

Looking closer, she saw a group of doctors bending over the body. She thought: what a familiar face this woman has! And then suddenly I remembered that it was herself. Suddenly a voice rang out: “Stop the operation immediately, the heart has stopped, you need to start it.”

She thought she had died and remembered with horror that she had not said goodbye to either her mother or her five-year-old daughter. Anxiety for them literally pushed her into the back, she flew out of the operating room and in an instant found herself in her apartment.

She saw a rather peaceful scene - a girl playing with dolls, her grandmother, her mother, sewing something. There was a knock on the door and a neighbor, Lidia Stepanovna, came in. She had in her hands little dress dotted. “Masha,” said the neighbor, “you always tried to be like your mother, so I sewed for you the same dress as your mother.”

The girl happily rushed to her neighbor, on the way she touched the tablecloth, an antique cup fell, and a teaspoon fell under the carpet. There is noise, the girl is crying, the grandmother exclaims: “Masha, how awkward you are,” Lidia Stepanovna says that the dishes are beating fortunately - a common situation.

And the girl’s mother, forgetting about herself, came up to her daughter, stroked her on the head and said: “Masha, this is not the worst grief in life.” Mashenka looked at her mother, but not seeing her, she turned away. And suddenly this woman realized that when she touched the girl’s head, she did not feel this touch. Then she rushed to the mirror and did not see herself in the mirror.

In horror, she remembered that she was supposed to be in the hospital, that her heart had stopped. She rushed out of the house and found herself in the operating room. And then I heard a voice: “The heart has started, we are doing an operation, but rather, because there may be a repeated cardiac arrest.”

After listening to this woman, I said: “Don’t you want me to come to your house and tell your family that everything is fine, they can see you?” She happily agreed.

I went to the address given to me, my grandmother opened the door, I told how the operation went, and then asked: “Tell me, did your neighbor Lidiya Stepanovna come to you at half past ten?” - “She came, and do you know her?” - “Didn’t she bring a polka dot dress?” - “What are you, a wizard, doctor?”

I continue to ask, and everything came together down to the details, except for one thing - the spoon was not found. Then I say: “Did you look under the carpet?” They lift the carpet and there is a spoon there.

This story had a great effect on Bekhtereva. And then she herself experienced a similar incident. On the same day, she lost both her stepson and her husband, both of whom committed suicide. It was terribly stressful for her. And then one day, entering the room, she saw her husband, and he addressed her with some words.

She, an excellent psychiatrist, decided that these were hallucinations, returned to another room and asked her relative to see what was in that room. She came up, looked in and recoiled: “Yes, your husband is there!” Then she did what her husband asked, making sure that such cases were not fiction.

She told me: “No one knows the brain better than me (Bekhtereva was the director of the Institute of the Human Brain in St. Petersburg). And I have the feeling that I am standing in front of some huge wall, behind which I hear voices, and I know that there is a wonderful and huge world out there, but I cannot convey to others what I see and hear. Because in order for this to be scientifically valid, everyone must repeat my experience.”

Once I was sitting next to a dying patient. I put on a music box that was playing a touching melody, then asked: “Turn it off, is it bothering you?” - “No, let him play.” Suddenly her breathing stopped, her relatives rushed: “Do something, she’s not breathing.”

I rashly gave her an injection of adrenaline, and she came to her senses again, turned to me: “Andrei Vladimirovich, what was that?” - “You know, it was clinical death.” She smiled and said: “No, life!”

What is this state that the brain goes into during clinical death? After all, death is death. We register death when we see that breathing has stopped, the heart has stopped, the brain does not work, it cannot perceive information and, moreover, send it out.

Does this mean that the brain is only a transmitter, but there is something deeper, more powerful in a person? And here we are faced with the concept of soul. After all, this concept has almost been supplanted by the concept of the psyche. There is a psyche, but there is no soul.

How would you like to die?

We asked both the healthy and the sick: “How would you like to die?” And people with certain characterological qualities built a model of death in their own way.

People with a schizoid character type, such as Don Quixote, characterized their desire rather strangely: “We would like to die in such a way that no one around us would see my body.”

Epileptoids considered it unthinkable for themselves to lie quietly and wait for death to come; they had to be able to somehow participate in this process.

Cycloids - people like Sancho Panza, would like to die surrounded by their loved ones. Psychasthenics are anxious and suspicious people; they worried about what they would look like when they died. Hysteroids wanted to die at sunrise or sunset, on the seashore, in the mountains.

I compared these desires, but I remembered the words of one monk who said this: “I don’t care what will surround me, what the situation will be around me. It’s important to me that I die while praying, thanking God for giving me life and seeing the power and beauty of His creation.”

Heraclitus of Ephesus said: “A man lights a light for himself on the night of death; and he is not dead, having extinguished his eyes, but is alive; but he comes into contact with the dead - while dozing, while awake - he comes into contact with the dormant,” a phrase that you can puzzle over almost your entire life.

Being in contact with the patient, I could agree with him that when he died, he would try to let me know whether there was something behind the coffin or not. And I received this answer more than once.

I once made an agreement with one woman, she died, and I soon forgot about our agreement. And then one day, when I was at the dacha, I suddenly woke up when the light came on in the room. I thought that I forgot to turn off the light, but then I saw that the same woman was sitting on the bed opposite me. I was happy, started talking to her, and suddenly I remembered - she died!

I thought I was dreaming all this, so I turned away and tried to go to sleep so I could wake up. Some time passed, I raised my head. The light was on again, I looked back in horror - she was still sitting on the bed and looking at me. I want to say something, but I can’t - it’s terrible. I realized that there was a dead man in front of me. And suddenly she smiled sadly and said: “But this is not a dream.”

Why do I give such examples? Because the uncertainty of what awaits us forces us to return to the old principle: “Do no harm.”

That is, “don’t rush death” is the most powerful argument against euthanasia. To what extent do we have the right to intervene in the condition that the patient is experiencing?

How can we hasten his death when he may be experiencing his greatest life at this moment?

Quality of life and permission to die

What matters is not the number of days we live, but the quality. What does quality of life give? Quality of life gives you the opportunity to be pain-free, the ability to control your consciousness, the opportunity to be surrounded by relatives and family.

Why is communication with relatives so important? Because children often repeat the plot of the lives of their parents or relatives. Sometimes it's in the details that are amazing. And this repetition of life is often a repetition of death.

The blessing of relatives, the parental blessing of a dying person to children is very important, it can even save them later, protect them from something. Again, returning to the cultural heritage of fairy tales.

Remember the plot: an old father dies, he has three sons. He asks: “After my death, go to my grave for three days.” The older brothers either don’t want to go or are afraid, only the younger one, a fool, goes to the grave, and at the end of the third day the father reveals some secret to him.

When a person passes away, he sometimes thinks: “Well, let me die, let me get sick, but let my family be healthy, let the illness end on me, I’ll pay the bills for the whole family.” And so, having set a goal, no matter whether rationally or affectively, a person receives a meaningful departure from life.

Hospice is a home that offers quality life. Not an easy death, but a quality life. This is a place where a person can end his life meaningfully and deeply, accompanied by relatives.

When a person leaves, the air does not just come out of him, like from a rubber ball, he needs to take a leap, he needs strength in order to step into the unknown. A person must allow himself to take this step.

And he receives the first permission from relatives, then from medical personnel, from volunteers, from a priest and from himself. And this permission to die from oneself is the most difficult thing.

You know that Christ, before suffering and praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, asked His disciples: “Stay with Me, do not sleep.” Three times the disciples promised Him to stay awake, but fell asleep without providing support. So, a hospice in a spiritual sense is a place where a person can ask: “Stay with me.”

And if such a greatest personality - God Incarnate - needed human help, if He said: “I no longer call you slaves. I called you friends,” addressing people, then follow this example and saturate them with spiritual content last days patient is very important.

If you care about matters of life and death,

You don't really understand what this means. But from the intonation of their voice you immediately feel that this is a special day.

A carousel of grandparents, parents, relatives, and neighbors revolves around you. And even uncles and aunts whom you don’t know, right from the doorstep, give you gifts and congratulate you on this very birthday.

Toys, sweets, cake with candles. All your whims and pranks are forgiven. And you start to feel very important, very significant. You are the center of the universe.

This is how the birthday myth is born.

A beautiful myth according to which, every year on the same day, you plunge into the holiday of your “I”, generously showering it with gifts and wishes, in the traditional scenery of a feast and noisy company.

With age, the thrill of anticipation for this day becomes dull or disappears completely. You may even not invite guests, celebrating this day alone. But in the depths of my soul there remains a feeling of the unusualness of this day.

But life brings many surprises. And over the years, we suddenly discover that it is on our birthday that we are faced with grief and sadness of loss, instead of the usual joy.

It happens that our birthday is overshadowed by the departure of our loved ones, relatives, and loved ones to another world. Or their funeral or wake falls on our birthday.

And a lot of time will pass, when the pain of loss subsides, we recover from the blow and suddenly think (or maybe not) about the “coincidence” of these two events.

The opposite also happens. When our birthday, or the birthday of our children, falls on the date on which a grandparent, uncle or aunt, great-grandparent or parent passed away from this world many years ago.

This is how these two worlds intersect - Life and Death. But why are these two dates, seemingly different at first glance, so connected: Birthday and Death Day?

“Life and Death have the same gates,” wrote Berdyaev. And these gates open precisely on these days. True, we don’t always notice this.

Our birthday is truly not an ordinary day. We are open on this day.

All our energy channels, all subtle energy bodies are open. On our birthday, we are like a very sensitive antenna, tuned to subtle vibrations.

Vibrations of what?

There are many names: Cosmos, Divine, Information field, world of Light, world of Shadows, voice of Eternity, etc. Without getting into arguments, let's call it vibrations of other worlds. But not in the sense of aliens, extraterrestrials, UFOs. And in the sense that there are other worlds in which the parameters of space measurement are qualitatively different from ours. That is why we cannot see or touch these worlds in the usual way that is familiar to us.

Let us recall an example from a school textbook that a fly sees all movements in slow motion, like slow motion frames of a movie. This allows her to fly away from danger in time. What in our minds looks like an instant, a second, in the “world of flies” is stretched over tens of seconds or minutes. Because the time parameters in the “world of flies” are different from ours.

Similarly, in other worlds, parallel or intersecting, space may not be three-dimensional, like ours, but two-, five-, six-, ten-dimensional. This is one of the reasons why it is difficult for us to establish communication, contact with other worlds. We are like radios tuned to different frequencies.

But there is a time when our “frequencies” are able to perceive the “frequencies” of other worlds.

And one of the points when they “coincide” is their birthday.

It is on our birthday, thanks to our openness, that we are able to receive information from other worlds.

The Gates of Life and Death are opening for us. Through these Gates we receive information about ourselves, about our essence, about our true “I”.

But often we don’t hear it or don’t want to hear it, replacing it with fake information of laudatory toasts and wishes.

And when our deafness reaches a critical limit, then they break through it, like a brick wall. Then such polar events “coincide” in a single date: the birthday and the day of death of loved ones.

What do our loved ones want to tell us by “coordinating” the day of their departure to another world, or a funeral or wake to coincide with our birthday?

There is a certain ancestral connection, which is expressed not only by biological and genetic parameters, but also occurs at a subtle energy level.

Such an energetic connection can “work” not only through direct kinship: mother-son-grandfather-aunt, etc. A wife can “get involved” in energetic connections with her husband’s relatives and vice versa.

The significance of such a connection, in each specific case, must be considered individually. But there is one thing in common - there is a powerful influx of energy, the meaning of which we do not always understand (or feel). This energy, like receiving a missing link in a chain, allows us to solve important problems. Because it was precisely this (or energy of this quality) that we lacked. It is as if energy channels are “opened” for us, “responsible” for our ability to solve certain problems.

Our family and friends give support to us living!

They, who have gone through the earthly experience of life, who have known joys and sorrows, ups and downs, help us walk our path.

This is not about continuing the educational process “fathers and sons.” The situation is completely different.

There was such an example in my astrological practice. Woman V. was expecting the birth of a child. But the pregnancy was delayed. The child seemed in no hurry to go out into the world. The contractions began on the birthday of this child's grandfather, who died long before the baby was born. A comparison of horoscopes showed that it was on this day that the child received a big energetic “slap”. It was as if grandpa was saying: “Wake up, baby, it’s time, don’t be lazy!” The birth went well.

Another example. Just before S.’s 23rd birthday, her grandfather dies. This happened on June 19. And on June 21, S.’s birthday, his funeral took place. Analysis of horoscopes showed that the grandfather, who loved his granddaughter very much, thus transferred to her the energy “responsible” for good luck in life. family life. But it didn’t work out for S. The first marriage was not happy.

After some time, S. got married a second time. It turned out that her husband's birthday was June 19th. His date of birth “coincided” with the date of death of his wife’s grandfather.

When such “coincidences” occur in our lives, we cannot always understand their meaning. Most often, we evaluate such situations as great bad luck, or even as the intervention of black forces.

But no matter how we look at it, any such “coincidence” of events carries enormous information. Do we want to know it, do we want to use it in our lives - questions of a different order.