Advice from a psychologist: the child does not want to go to school. Studying at school: the secrets of good grades Are grades so important?

School years are not always wonderful. If every day your child gets ready for school, as if going to hard labor, he is reluctant to tell how the day went, and at meetings you feel out of place, perhaps the reason for this is not laziness or bad character.

Psychologists identify several reasons for hostility towards school and learning.

Understanding why your child is looking for any excuse to stay home can help you resolve a difficult situation.

The profile of the class/school does not correspond to the child’s inclinations

Not all children are equally good at subjects. In the humanities class, the technician is bored, he sincerely does not understand the difference between iambic and trochee, and the humanities student is terrified of waiting for the next test at the physics and mathematics school.

Solution. Talk to your child, find out what subjects he likes, in which he performs better, take tests to determine his inclinations. If he is still in elementary school, enroll him in clubs of different types, let him find something he likes.

The child is not psychologically ready to study

Such children are well developed intellectually, but in class they are constantly distracted, it is difficult for them to concentrate, they are constantly late and cannot properly organize their time, so problems arise with their performance. These are signs of psychological unpreparedness for school.

Solution. Gently teach your child discipline, develop a sense of responsibility in him, and create a positive image of the school. Convince that school is the prerogative of adults, and the child is very lucky since he can attend it, now he is big. The following tactics often help: add an element of play to your homework and take short breaks between different subjects.

Many parents send their children to school at the age of 6 - this is not entirely correct. Adaptation is often difficult for such children, so if possible, it is better to wait until they are 7 years old.

Hyperactivity

Children diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder find it difficult to study at school; they have difficulty concentrating in class, constantly fidget, and quickly lose interest.

Solution. To quickly adapt to school, a child with ADHD needs the help of a psychologist. Ask the teacher to call the restless person to the board more often and to involve them in various activities. At home, in the room where the child learns homework, there should be no computer or TV.

The student does not have time to rest

Think about how you greet your child after school. Do you ask about grades and ask for homework? Are you taking me straight to the music class or sports section? A tired child either does his homework hastily, just to get rid of him, or, conversely, barely moves from one subject to another. Information is practically not absorbed, academic performance drops, the child constantly feels sleepy and tired, and the thought of studying is disgusting.

Solution. Be sure to give your child an hour or an hour and a half rest after school. He should be completely distracted from his studies - take a walk, sleep, play. Homework is usually a little more difficult than the material covered in class and requires a fresh mind. Having proper rest, the child will study with great diligence and pleasure.

Lazy Prodigy

If all school subjects are surprisingly easy for a child, then over time he may begin to not care about his studies and stop doing his homework. You can hear from him: “This is easy,” “I’ll solve it in five minutes and so on,” etc. As a result, the desire to go to school is less and less.

Solution. Enroll your child in a immersion class or school that matches his or her natural inclinations, and he or she will once again feel eager and interested in learning.

“Drama club, photo club – it’s too much of something...”

Parents, of course, want to give their baby “everything.” Additional classes are necessary for all-round development, but a too busy schedule does not leave the child time to relax and study properly. School, club, homework - it’s already time to go to bed, but the child goes to some sections and studios on weekends, that is, he simply has no free days left. Even adults cannot withstand such a busy schedule. Parents will never admit that they themselves are tired of taking their child here and there.

Solution. If a child doesn’t get enough rest and this is causing problems with studies, psychologists recommend immediately cutting back on extracurricular activities. Choose your favorite club and only one sport per season.

Little control

Without supervision, children often succumb to temptation and, instead of doing their homework, they go for a walk, watch TV or sit on the computer until their parents come home from work. Homework ends up being done poorly, and the child, naturally, does not want to go to school, fearing a low grade.

Solution. Explain to your child that studying at school and lessons are his area of ​​responsibility, that he, as an adult, must take this seriously. Show that in a difficult situation you will come to the rescue. The control system must be sufficiently soft and constant and at the same time built on trust. Don't forget to check your diary, ask how things are at school, and communicate with your class teacher.

Conflict at school

This problem usually occurs in middle grades. If a child has a conflict with classmates or with a teacher, he begins to look for any excuse not to meet with them. He pretends to be sick, skips classes, etc.

Solution. The important thing here is to find out what happened and why. If you suspect a conflict, bring your child to a confidential conversation. Start from afar: remember a similar incident from your childhood. After this, the child will most likely want to tell everything himself. Talk to the teacher, parents of classmates involved in the conflict, but under no circumstances with the children themselves - you will make it even worse. Contact a school psychologist, he will give professional advice based on the situation. If the conflict is not resolved, you should consider transferring to another class or school. Your child must understand that you will be on his side and will support him in any case. Build a trusting relationship with him so that you can be aware of what is really going on in his life.

Lack of motivation

If for first-graders the teacher is king and god, then they take their studies seriously and strive to get a good grade. As you grow older, the desire to learn decreases, the authority of the teacher decreases, and many distractions appear.

Solution. Set specific goals. Think with your teenager: what he wants to become, where to study after school. If possible, visit the open day of the chosen university and take a tour of the enterprise. Then the teenager will begin to view learning as a means to achieve a goal.

Storm of emotions

The teenager experiences all the events very acutely: failure in the exam, moving, remarriage of parents, first love... There is, of course, no time for studying.

Solution. If from the very beginning you have developed a trusting relationship with your child, then he will tell you about his problems, and you will be able to notice the crisis in time and help the teenager cope with it. If there is no established dialogue yet, it’s time to do it: show that the child can count on your support, under no circumstances say that someone told you his secret, and don’t pry, share a similar story from your life. As soon as the emotional storm subsides, problems with studying will disappear.

For whatever reason, your child shirks his studies, you should always be on his side. Do not rush to scold and punish him; it may turn out that the true reasons for his reluctance to go to school are much deeper than you think. Ask yourself: Do I know what is happening with my child at school? is he interested there? Is his day structured correctly? Is he getting enough rest?

Honest answers to these questions will help you find the right solution to the problem.

Our children do not always write “fours” and “fives” in their diaries. Sometimes “bad luck” appears, which entails scandals, childish nervousness and the desire to bring an A in the diary at all costs next time. In such a pursuit of subjective numbers, the main meaning of study is lost - gaining knowledge. Is it worth killing yourself over bad grades and punishing your child? Perhaps it would be better to change tactics?

It is enough to remember your school years, and an image immediately appears in your head: a student literally begging for a good grade from the teacher and explaining this by saying that his parents will “kill” him at home. We uttered such a terrible word very often, meaning that we would be severely punished, would not be allowed to go for a walk, and would be forced to study and study all day long, just to correct a bad grade. We chased A's and B's, but only so as not to anger our parents or rub the noses of our arrogant classmates. Today, having become adults, we have a unique chance to finally learn the correct attitude towards subjective symbols and teach this to our children.

Are grades that important?

Of course, grades are an indicator of how a child has learned a particular lesson, but the point is that absolutely any grade is subjective. The child could simply get overexcited and get a “three”, although he prepared for a “five”. We are seriously mistaken when we believe that grades are an indicator of a child’s success, and even more seriously when we build our relationship with our daughter or son on the basis of subjective numbers. The child gains confidence that his grades are the only way to earn favor and respect in the family. Is it any wonder then that the desire to gain good knowledge fades into the background? Not at all. The main goal of education becomes the love of parents, which, in general, should not depend on such things.

We, adult uncles and aunts, also still have to study and learn. And first of all, it is worth understanding one truth: an assessment is nothing more than an abstract sign. “D” should not be perceived as a life tragedy and should not be associated with the future, predicting the child’s job as a janitor. Do not convey your anxious mood to the student, because absolutely any grade can be corrected. Otherwise, you will only achieve the child’s reluctance to return home after failure at school, because they will certainly “kill” him there.

Calm, just calm

Of course, we want an ideal future for our child and for some reason we are sure that if we ignore the “D” at least once, he will “give up” on his studies. But the problem cannot be solved by excommunication from the TV and computer. To begin with, it is worth paying attention to why the student received a “failure.” Talk calmly with your child and find out the reasons for the failure. Of course, severity will not hurt, but let it be within reasonable limits: there is no point in scolding or berating people. Save punitive measures for more serious cases. You, like no one else, know your child, so you will immediately see if he simply did not learn the lesson and treated the task carelessly. In this case, show your talent as a diplomat and convince the unfortunate student that he should try to correct the grade, but not in order to simply correct it, but in order to bring the work to fruition. Well, if the child really learned his lessons, but excitement got the better of him, then reassure him by saying that anything can happen and you believe in him.

You for me, I for you

Some parents arrange a strange barter at home: you get an “A”, and I give 100 rubles or allow you to play an online game. Psychologists joke (although are they joking?) that such schoolchildren grow up to be Pavlik Morozovs, ready to sell even the most dear to their hearts. In this case, children begin to strive for good grades not in order to gain knowledge, but in order to improve their financial situation.

Of course, you can reward your child, but for the effort and effort he puts in, and not for grades. An excellent option would be a gift that he has long wanted, or a long-awaited summer trip to the sea. The main thing is to present it as a reward for diligence, and not for A’s in a year.

Comparison with excellent students

Every second parent repeats to their child: “And Tanya studies better than you. Tanya is good, but you are not.” Of course, by shaming your child, you can ensure that in the end he actually begins to study better, but the goal of such study will still not be to gain knowledge. Your child will cram and cheat only in order to rub the nose of the more successful Tanya. Yes, in the end you will achieve what you want, but only partly, since your child will have doubts about himself and his own strengths in addition to good grades, and his self-esteem will be undermined in childhood.

You shouldn’t convince your child from an early age that he is worthless, while adding: “There are diligent and smart children.” It’s better to praise your would-be student, praise him for everything you can.

Show that you believe in him, are ready to help and in no way think that there is someone better than him. Parents-allies, and not parents-enemies, are needed by a child who himself understands that he is not yet very successful in school.

You understand it yourself - tell the child

Cramming, reading in the style of “I look at a book and see nothing” is not the best option for a student.

It’s good when parents understand that school grades are conventions. Now it is necessary for children to understand this, and to understand it correctly. The main thing is to explain to the child that a grade is not an indicator of intelligence and what awaits him in the future, first of all, it is an indicator of his attitude towards learning. Cramming, reading in the style of “I look at a book and see nothing” is not the best option for a student who wants to be an intelligent person, and not just an excellent student who forgets everything immediately after the exam.

Try to always calmly accept your child’s failures, help him, teaching him from childhood to work and take his work seriously and responsibly. Once you explain to your student that you shouldn’t chase subjective grades, but rather concentrate on gaining knowledge, you will avoid unnecessary tears over failing grades, a mindless pursuit of good grades, and a disregard for school.

Take breaks. If you study for several hours, take a five-minute break every half hour. Stretch your joints and take a break so you can get some rest and learn the material better. It also helps with concentration.

Use a keyword to memorize that is related to the topic you are studying. Whenever you feel that you can no longer concentrate, remember this word and return to the topic. This word may vary depending on the subject of study. You can choose absolutely any word that matches the topic.

  • For example, if you're reading an article about guitar, use the keyword "guitar." As soon as you feel like you're losing focus, immediately repeat to yourself, “guitar, guitar, guitar, guitar,” until you can focus on the material again.

  • Learn to take notes . When you listen or read material, take notes in complete sentences, neatly and neatly. You need to write down all the most important information. You can write down the terms and concepts your teacher talks about, then go home and add sentences from the textbook to your notes. Write down as much as you can.

    At home, copy all your notes into a single outline. When you take notes, be careful. Immediately after class, rewrite your notes and refresh the material covered. Copying notes into a single summary is an active way of remembering information. If you are reading, you can easily get distracted. But when you write, you constantly think about what you write.

    • This doesn't mean you shouldn't take notes or write notes in class. It's just that you probably won't have much time to respond fully. Therefore, notes written in class can be considered as a draft.
    • You can have two notebooks. One will be a rough draft, and in the other you will write full notes.
    • Some people take notes on electronic devices, but most people find that handwritten information stays in memory longer.
    • Rephrase the information in your own words. The same goes for drawings. For example, if you are studying anatomy, copy the pictures from the textbook into your notebook.

  • More optimism! You need good motivation. Motivation in the style of “if I study, I will get a good job” is not suitable. Find something interesting in what you are studying. Try to get into the subject and think about in what situations knowledge of this subject might be useful to you.

  • Start studying more difficult subjects first. Start with the most difficult ones, because you still have enough energy and attention, then move on to the easier ones.

    • Learn the most important points first. Don't just read the material from beginning to end, but think about it and pause to remember every important idea. New information is absorbed much easier if you can connect it with material you already know. Don't spend a lot of time studying things that won't be on the test or exam. Direct your energy in the right direction.

    • Having surveyed more than 12 thousand respondents, the research center of the portal site found that the most diligent students subsequently go to work in the professional fields of “Science, Education,” “Medicine, Pharmacy,” and “Lawyers.” The survey was conducted from October 31 to December 11, 2017.

    58% of university students and graduates devote most of their studying time directly to the learning process, while significant shares of respondents try to pay attention to work - 14% are building a career and 12% want to be financially independent.


    On average, students and graduates of secondary specialized educational institutions were less likely to devote most of their time to work compared to students and graduates of universities - a total of 23% for college students versus 26% for students of higher educational institutions.


    University students and college students have approximately the same priorities regarding their studies.


    Paradoxically, studies were most difficult for university students, who spent most of their time studying (30%).


    Among respondents who entered the university under pressure from relatives, there is the highest percentage of those wishing to lead an idle lifestyle (25%) and the lowest percentage of motivated students (35%). On the contrary, the majority of students and graduates (65%) who chose a university on their own have the highest motivation to study. Thus, the conclusion suggests itself that the desire of parents to force their children to study under pressure does more harm than good.


    More than half of the students who plan to work in their specialty in the future devote the bulk of their time to studying (51%). Among students who do not intend to work in their profession, the highest percentage indulges in idleness and sitting out time while waiting for graduation (24%).


    Among specialists working in their specialty, there is the largest percentage of respondents who spent most of their time at university studying (65%).


    Among university graduates planning to open their own business in the next one to two years, training was less in demand (52%) compared to respondents who did not plan to work for themselves (64%).


    A similar pattern emerges among college graduates.


    Compared to graduates who prefer to idle, university graduates who are focused on studying were better able to develop intellectual abilities (67% versus 43%) and acquire professional skills (54% versus 20%).

    At the same time, students who spent most of their class hours learned better how to find a way out of difficult situations (47% vs. 43%) and more often found new friends (37% vs. 26%).


    Entry-level professionals and company owners spent the least amount of time on training (55% and 51%, respectively). At the same time, 15% of novice specialists preferred to sit back, while current company owners, being students, tried to work more (24%).


    77% of respondents over 45 years old are sure that they spent most of their time studying at university. Among survey participants aged 18-25 years, the proportion of such respondents is significantly lower (48%).


    Respondents working in the fields of “Science, education” (73%), “Medicine, pharmaceuticals” (71%) and “Lawyers” (65%) spent the most time studying. Survey participants from the professional fields “Tourism, hotels, restaurants” (38%) and “Public service, non-profit organizations” (33%) preferred to work.