Feelings of love. Lessons from first love Unconventional love sincere feelings

Why does a person fall in love? A variety of answers have been given to this question. Some people believe that love as such does not exist at all, that it is simply an attraction based solely on sexual instincts and the possibility of obtaining material gain. This point of view has a right to exist - moreover, for many people this is exactly what love is. However, there is also sincere love that does not depend on material wealth and the desire for intimacy.

How does true love arise?

Sincere love is extremely pure. Often a person is loved not for something, but in spite of everything that once again proves the existence of true love. Such love is based on the true consonance of souls, no matter how loud it may sound. Loving friend As a friend, people often notice that the same thoughts come to them at the same time; this very well illustrates the existence of an invisible energy connection between people.

There are so many similar coincidences that they cannot be considered an accident. Two souls actually enter into some kind of resonance, consonance. They have so much in common that they actually become one - sometimes loving people even feel each other’s pain. It is precisely this consonance, the merging of souls, that is the main sign of sincere love at the energy level.

The main differences between sincere love

How does sincere love manifest itself in reality? First of all, such love is not conditional. She does not look at social status and material well-being, and does not evaluate any prospects. All a person wants is to be close to the one he loves.

If a person sincerely loves, he is not afraid to seem funny. He is not stopped by the possible negative reaction of others, he is not afraid of gossip and gossip. Sincere love is above all this; no one and nothing can influence it.

To love sincerely means to have undivided faith in the one you love. To know that the person you love cannot do anything vile, wrong, or unfair. And if it suddenly turns out that this has become a reality, then sincere love will find justification here too. This point is very important - real love covers everything, justifies everything. To love means to forgive. If necessary, forgive time after time, again and again - precisely because you love.

Can true love disappear? Only in one case - if it does not turn out to be mutual. It often happens that people who were initially attracted to each other and had a lot in common gradually begin to move away. Now imagine a situation - one person continues to love, while for another his feeling has begun to fade. Most likely, it was never true - the person simply convinced himself that he loved. And when the first attraction passed, the threads that had recently connected the two people began to break. One continues to love, the other does not.

What happens next? A loving person feels that his love is not recognized. That he is not needed, he is rejected. This situation can last for a very long time, sometimes for years. And yet, gradually love begins to fade away - it simply burns out, not finding reciprocal support. It may not disappear completely, but its light will be very dim.

That is why sincere love needs reciprocity. When there is such reciprocity, love blossoms, two loving person can live together for a long time happy life. Even as they grow old, they will continue to love each other with the same intensity - because they fell in love not for external attractiveness, not for material wealth, but for the beauty of the soul.

Love "unconventional"

LOVE “NON-TRADITIONAL”

Here is everything that is “not supposed to”, that is outside the “norm”, outside the tradition - cultural, national, family. But Love has a complicated relationship with tradition. For example, love for a psychotherapist: on the one hand, “not allowed” (incomplete transference, defective work), and on the other hand, it’s almost a tradition in the practice of every doctor who has worked long enough. Irvin Yalom dedicated not even a story to this problem, but an entire novel called “The Liar on the Couch.” And all in order to prove an obvious thesis:
“...I believe that the sexual relationship between patient and therapist is inevitably destructive for the patient and, ultimately, for the therapist.”
In the novel, the thesis is proven “from the side” of the psychotherapist, through his eyes. Now let's look from the other side, through the patient's eyes:

ALYONA 06.13.03 About love:

Andrey Gennadievich, the situation in which I find myself, in my opinion, is hopeless. I probably don’t expect you to find a way out, I just want to tell someone about it. I'm in love with your colleague. Three years ago this man was my therapist. I am an “enlightened patient”, I have read a lot of specialized literature, and I know everything about transferences, countertransferences, etc. When I realized that I saw him as more than just a doctor, following the advice of smart books, I stopped coming to see him, especially since the problem I came with was practically solved.
But the situation was not resolved, but only became more complicated. I often thought about him, remembered him, but did not try to establish a personal relationship with him. We had mutual acquaintances, through whom I could sometimes find out something about him, say hello and receive a response. I had some novels, brief and unnecessary. This did not drown out the memories of him.
And a year ago the situation turned out to be such that we ended up in the same business. There was a basis for communication. I was so happy about this opportunity. And everything only got worse. He is married, and in general, a very decent person. I try not to show my attitude towards him in any way, but I think it’s impossible not to understand this. Even if I am silent, my eyes will say everything for me. Sometimes I feel like I mean something to him too. But he makes no attempt to resolve this situation. We see each other often, there are business issues that we solve together, but nothing more.
This is all probably very stupid. But what to do with the pain inside?

A.G. BABIN 06.15.03:
Dear Alena!
In order to do something about the pain inside, it is obviously necessary to clarify the topic, both objectively and subjectively.
As for objective clarification, I recommend voicing your experiences in a conversation with your former doctor (it is advisable to do this in the therapeutic area, that is, in the office) so that you can make a decision: either the work continues (with the hope, of course, for its success) completion), or you continue it with another doctor. I say "work" because it appears that your love is the result of a therapeutic process that has not been completed; The mistake in this situation is a premature rupture of the therapeutic alliance. I hope that the doctor will help you cope with the transference, which may mean the end of your therapeutic work. As for subjective clarification, here you need (perhaps by turning to literature or other sources of information) to realize that the feelings that you experience for my colleague are predominantly feelings born during the analytical process.
I wish you success.

ALYONA 06.15.03 All about the same:

Andrey Gennadievich, do you think that the best remedy from love psychotherapy? And can the one with whom she is in love cure her? Do you seriously think so?
This feeling is not the result of the psychotherapeutic process. I see in front of me a real person with all his shortcomings and merits, and my feelings for him are quite real. Enough time has passed, and we have communicated quite a lot outside of psychotherapy, for it to be possible to understand that this is no longer a transference.
Now he is not engaged in practice, and in general, how do you imagine this: “I am exhausted from love for you, please cure me?” I think it looks pretty stupid. What if you were approached with such a request?
I think that it was my fears of “transference not transference” and his medical scrupulousness that ruined both of our lives. And there is also a mutual fear of complicating everything even more. I know a lot about him, I know that he family life it didn’t work out, he doesn’t have children, I know that it was he who initiated my appearance in the organization where we both now work. I myself didn’t know why I wrote to you, but now I understand, I wanted to hear the reaction “from the other side,” to try to understand how he perceives all this. Maybe a doctor can stop being a doctor in a relationship with a former patient who is no longer a patient. Of course, I described the situation only in general terms; it is probably not so easy to understand me. However, this is of no use to you.

A.G. BABIN 06.15.03:
Dear Alena!
I really think that the best remedy for the love born of psychotherapy is its continuation, and that the likely healer is the same doctor, if his qualifications are sufficient. But, if you claim that your feeling is “true love,” then, of course, there is no place for any DOCTOR in it, only a PERSON. However, I still have doubts about the quality of your experience, including because it is presumably one-sided, which means it can be love, erotic attraction, a mixture of respect, admiration, gratitude and other feelings, but not love. Love presupposes interaction, where the lover can (or could previously) express his feeling in living contact with the object in the broadest sense. The history of psychotherapy knows rare examples when the doctor and the patient established a genuine human and/or loving relationship after the end of treatment. In your case, there is only a possibility of this.
I wish you a happy personal life,
A.G. Babin

BELKA 01/07/06 I love a psychotherapist:

Hello Andrey Gennadievich!
Two years ago I encountered psychotherapy. There was a telesk group, and I fell in love with the psychotherapist who led it. I flew, loved all people, was ready to “kiss” my patients. Then I went to all his trainings, and at one of them I said: I love my psychotherapist! We stayed after the training, and he began to lay me out for transference, for dad, to complicate everything, he said that I didn’t love him, but the picture that I painted in my imagination. Then we began to communicate as a psychotherapist and a patient - not for long, and he could not take money from me. Now we are friends, we do not communicate often, he is not married. He doesn't believe that I love him. I want close communication with him, like a woman. What do I need to do to make him trust me? Are there connections between patients and therapists? How does it end? I would be very grateful for your answer.

ALYONA 01/08/06 Re:
Hello, Belka!
Two years ago I experienced a situation very similar to yours. I was in a lot of pain, didn’t know how to find a way out, and asked a similar question on this forum.
I was offended by AG’s answer then; it seemed dry, academic and far from real, living life. But now, after more than two years, it must be admitted that he was absolutely right. It was an illusory world born of psychotherapy.
How was my situation resolved? I never tried to talk about my feelings with this person. I expected him to understand something and react somehow. But he did not seek to change the format of our relationship. We were just good colleagues and friends. I decided that this would be enough for me. But over time, my communication with this person became more and more painful. I became hot-tempered, irritated, offended over trifles, sometimes surprising myself with my strange reactions. The point was not at all that it was not possible to transform the relationship into a “romance” format, and there were no reasons for jealousy. As I now understand, the painful reaction was caused by the discrepancy between the illusion, the way the invented image and the real, living person should think, feel, and act. Completely exhausted, I felt that I was completely confused. I decided that I could only understand what was happening from a distance. I changed jobs and began to avoid communicating with him, which was very difficult at first. But over time, everything passed, now it’s even difficult for me to imagine how this person could cause such a storm of emotions in me..... I understood, realized all this myself, although with the help of a specialist it would have been faster and less painful.
And you, Belka, I can advise you to do the same. It’s difficult to part with illusions, I don’t want to, I know from myself. Without deciding anything completely, just step back for a while, calm down, try to look at the situation through the eyes of an outside observer. And I think you will understand that real love it's different.

A.G. BABIN 01/15/06:
Hello, Belka! The given topic is interesting, but voluminous. Therefore, I will only answer questions.
(1) It is wise to ask your love object what you need to do to make him believe that you love him.
(2) Relationships between patients and psychotherapists, unfortunately, do happen and are always a consequence of the therapist’s insufficient qualifications, or, even worse, a consequence of his problems or psychopathology. Even if the patient behaves in a provocative and seductive manner, the responsibility for communication lies entirely with the therapist.
(3) Such an adventure almost always ends the same way, that is, badly. Due to the fact that such relationships are a continuation of unsuccessful psychotherapy and leave no chance for therapeutic success. In addition, they discredit both psychotherapy and its representatives.
Personal relationships also turn out to be unsatisfactory, both because of the context in which they began and - mainly - because the patient's real goal is recovery (problem resolution) rather than connection. Which in this case is a surrogate for cure.

Now let's talk about love for loved ones. In that version, which is painful both for the loving ones themselves and for those around them, other loved ones.

***** 03.11.05 Stepmother and stepdaughter:

Friends! If any of you have such a rare and very valuable experience for me (your husband’s daughter lives with you and is jealous of her dad) please share how you deal with this problem. For me it became insoluble. My life is falling apart, my relationship with my husband, whom I love, is sometimes unbearable, I feel like I can’t cope.

A.G. BABIN 06.11.05:
Hello!
The first problem, the responsibility for solving which lies with you, is your psychological state. If you feel that you can’t cope on your own, then regardless of the reasons that led you to it, seek special help from a psychologist, or better yet, a psychotherapist.
The second problem is family. To solve it, it will be useful to find a FAMILY psychotherapist (psychologist) preferably suitable for all family members and contact him. IT'S BETTER ALL TOGETHER. If someone doesn't want to, let those who remain come.
The family situation is archetypal, that is, experienced by many people, and it can be resolved.

ECH 06.11.05:
Hello!
Neither in my family nor in the families of my friends there was such a situation. Nevertheless, I am writing to you because I recently read about something similar in the book of family psychotherapist Bert Hellinger (“The Source does not need to ask for directions,” M, 2005). Perhaps the book will be useful to you. Here is a quote; you can read the rest for yourself if the author “hits the mark” or at least close to it:
“When a second marriage occurs, children again draw their parents’ attention to the unfinished previous marriage, trying to find a solution. This attempt is instinctive and blind. The attempt is that the child, without noticing it, begins to imitate his previous partner.
If, for example, a son from a second partner imitates his mother’s previous partner, he becomes for the mother not a son, but a partner. And for her husband he is not a son, but a rival. Only if the first partner is respected can the son free himself from this entanglement and become a child again. That’s why it’s so important for the husband to tell his son: “You are with us.” Father is here - I am. Your parents will sort out the rest among themselves. This doesn't concern you." This will bring relief to the child."
It seems that in your case, her father should help her daughter. Say something like: “You are with us, but you are not my wife.” You are my daughter, and in you I respect your mother. You are my daughter, I love you, but my wife is, and this is our son, your brother [if there is a child from a new marriage, say, a boy - ECH]. And all issues with your mother are resolved by her and me; it’s none of your business.”
The husband does not need to “throw around” between both of you, he just needs to clearly decide: who in your family is the daughter, who is the wife. And report it.

**** 03/17/06 Re: Stepmother and stepdaughter
Hello!
I have the same thing. My husband and I lived together for 4 years, and we don’t have any children of our own yet. But my husband has children from his first marriage. Now, due to circumstances, my daughter must live with us. That's horrible! She insults me... The relationship with my husband is almost over, but I love him so much...

Yes, AG was right: the situation is quite archetypal, and so is the husband’s behavior. What an unpleasant, what a destructive (for everyone!) form of love. Maybe Hellinger is right: this is not love at all, but a muddy, unresolved conflict of the old family, for which the new one is paying? Everyone pays, but usually there is a main scapegoat. In our case, stepmother. But it may be quite the opposite - remember Cinderella’s family! And when you remember, you will understand that the key figure in the “stepmother-stepdaughter” conflict is the father. Which should clearly indicate who is who, and not offend anyone, including yourself. Well, if it doesn’t work out, he must have enough courage and LOVE to admit defeat and seek help from a specialist.
Now let's move on to the form of love that is usually meant when they talk about “non-traditional”. By the way, in ancient Greece both subspecies (M-M and F-F) were quite traditional.

Lyuba 09.15.04 love:

Dear Andrey Gennadievich, I ask for your help. Your advice.
I am 30 years old. I've never been married. I have no sexual experience. I don't seek sex in any form. But it's not that. The problem is that I love a woman. I just love you as a person. Thanks to her, I understood what true love is. Every day I think about her, I want to communicate with her (talk, etc.). I don't know what attracts me to her. I like her smile towards me. When she turns to me, it's a holiday for me.
The problem is that she doesn't really want to communicate with me. Either she was scared by my interest in her, or I became uninteresting to her. We work together. I can’t admit my feelings to anyone, because people will perceive everything differently from how it really happens. The further it goes, the harder it is for me to restrain myself, but I can’t tell anyone about it. It's so hard to keep everything to yourself. I'm generally the kind of person who usually doesn't keep problems to myself. I have friends who will listen, who will help with advice. But I cannot contact them with this problem. And not because they will reject me, they just won’t understand my experiences and won’t be able to give advice.
It seems to me that I don't want to change anything. But I deceive myself that I can’t. I am ashamed of my behavior. I am looking for a meeting with this woman, I am looking for a reason to contact her. I don't want to have sex with her. I just want to love her, help her. But the trouble is that she doesn't want to accept my help. I feel bad the day I don't see her.
How can I get out of this situation? I'm afraid I'll just go crazy. She has a complex character. She is very reserved in her emotions. She's almost completely the opposite of me. Does anyone have similar problems? Or am I the only one who is so wrong?

A.G. BABIN 09.21.04:
Hello, Lyuba!
The state you are in is more like falling in love and most likely belongs to the erotic spectrum of experiences, despite the fact that you have no obvious sexual interest. It is possible that the situation in which you find yourself is largely caused by your particular sexual preference and your particular gender role. These characteristics are NOT a disease, but due to their unusual nature, the bearer of such a predisposition may be subject to social criticism and rejection - he feels DIFFERENT, and it is difficult for him to find understanding. Therefore, I recommend that you seek special support from a psychologist or psychotherapist if the situation is not successfully resolved soon. In this way, you will be able to both find understanding and outline ways out of this situation.
In conclusion, I want to emphasize that many people have similar struggles to yours, and they find help, both by seeking specialized counseling and by talking to others who relate to similar experiences. It is possible that there are people near you who could understand you and provide support. So be active in this search.
Good luck.
Copyright 2003-2019 Andrey Gennadievich BABIN and Elena Aleksandrovna CHECHETKINA.
All rights reserved.

Love is not given immediately. Many understand this, but not many are ready to work in order to finally love sincerely and deeply. It has long been noted that real feeling appears over the years; it takes a lot of trials and wisdom to fall in love. But let's take things in order.

1. Falling in love. The very first stage lasts a year and a half. People see their partner in the most attractive and unrealistic light. Beautiful appearance, good character, attention and kisses. Ideal. It was during the period of falling in love that many poems and novels were written. Films have been made and songs sung about this wonderful period.

“Chemistry of love” - this is how the first period was called by skeptical scientists who studied human brain while falling in love. Hormones, endorphin and oxytocin, at first dominate the brains and blood of lovers. The centers of negative emotions and rational thinking are considered to be blocked by these two powerful elements. Euphoria and high spirits accompany every meeting. Falling in love usually ends with a wedding or the beginning of a life together.

2. Saturation. When people start living together or spending a lot of time next to each other, the intensity of passions subsides, and a loved one becomes something familiar, even commonplace. The lovers are fed up with each other. Everyday everyday life comes into its own. The period of satiety passes almost unnoticed; it is most often short and rarely noticed by the spouses themselves. It is at the stage of satiety that shortcomings become noticeable. And not because the person hid them before, but because the brain finally begins to work in its usual mode. The period can drag on and change places with renewed love, if children are born in a family precisely in the period of love-satiation.

3. Disgust. The third stage is a real test for future love. Pink glasses removed, selfishness flourishes wildly. Falling in love is already behind us, saturation has occurred. In this period Special attention is paid to the partner’s shortcomings, of which, it turns out, there are more than enough. Virtues become invisible, and once sweet eccentricities now drive one crazy.

Unfortunately, without the third stage, the path to sincere, deep feeling is closed. For some, disgust lasts several weeks or months, while for others it lasts for years or alternates from time to time with other periods.

Quarrels, stormy showdowns, each shows himself from the most unfavorable side, and each sees the other only as a lump of negativity and incorrectness. It seems that the person turned out to be the wrong one. It is at this stage that many people conclude: we are too different to be together, we need to separate. Divorce during the period of rejection is fraught with walking in circles. Many men and women, having divorced, fall in love again over time, become fed up and feel a new wave of disgust. Some fall into a kind of funnel of divorce, when each subsequent marriage is broken again and again by everyday life, shortcomings and selfishness.

4. Humility. There are no more storms. Quarrels happen less frequently. It becomes clear that it will not be possible to tailor a person to yourself. There comes an understanding that there is a person living with you who has both disadvantages and advantages. Usually during this period there is an active adaptation to each other. Special literature is used, communication with psychologists, long and often difficult conversations between spouses begin to resemble not a battlefield, but a negotiating table. These are teachings, preparation for love. Everyone begins to understand that they need to start with themselves: learn to forgive, understand, accept, endure. In many cultures and religions, humility, first of all, is the lot of women, who are naturally more flexible. It is she who, by her example, pushes a man to accept her too.

5. Service. In all previous stages, good deeds implied a response. Both spouses, doing something good to their other half, consciously or unconsciously expected reciprocal behavior. During the period of service, you want to do pleasant things just like that, because the person is dear, because the soul is already ready for this. Service occurs consciously and voluntarily; it brings pleasure to both spouses. If one person is delayed at the previous stage, the other speeds up the process through his own behavior. Free service is the first shoots of love.

6. Friendship. This is where respect and understanding begin to show themselves. The couple had already been through a lot by this time. Spouses know each other's characters and habits well, and know how to get out of difficult situations without conflicts. Both learned to do what was pleasant and necessary. They feel good and interesting together. The period of friendship can sometimes last for years and decades, because the spouses feel quite comfortable. Most often, friendship manifests itself brightly when the children have already grown up a little and the parents have enough time for each other. Childless couples come to friendship around the same time.

7. Love. The long-awaited deep feeling comes deservedly and naturally. Understanding at a glance, spiritual unity – this is love. Few people reach this stage. After all, you must first learn to humbly and calmly accept a person as he is, take care of him free of charge, and accept his individuality. The stage of love is higher than simple attraction or habit; it is in love that spouses open up and harmoniously complement each other, their shortcomings are neatly smoothed out, and their virtues are reflected in each other. This time the hormones are no longer boiling, there is a calm and joyful acceptance of the whole person, integrity.

Probably, some readers have had the opportunity to meet elderly spouses who enjoy each other’s company. During the conversation, they are passionate, smiling, their faces radiate quiet, wise happiness and peace. And it is worth remembering that these people did not live like this in perfect harmony from the first day of their meeting, they grew their love, came to it through hatred and cooling.

According to psychologists, a couple needs at least 7-10 years to reach friendship and respect, which over time will give way to sincere love. We wish our readers to feel just such a feeling.

Sincere love is an extremely rare phenomenon, implying, first of all, not sexual desire, but respect for the individuality of your partner. Very often this feeling is confused with others, claiming that they feel true love for the chosen one, but in fact they are pursuing personal interests.

Sincere love - problems of true feeling

As a rule, having met a person they like, a man or woman begins to subconsciously attribute to him qualities that are inherent in the ideal image created in dreams. But rarely can anyone meet such high requirements. Hence the disappointments, divorces, and constant reproaches.

However, each person is an individual, with an inherent set of unique qualities.

Only by observing and recognizing these nuances can we talk about the birth of love. Attempts to “correct” a personality, to subordinate it to one’s own requirements, can be considered a manifestation of selfishness.

Sincere love must be devoid of selfishness; one must appreciate everything that is in the chosen one.

This is an unusually strong and harmonious combination of emotional manifestations, which, alas, not everyone can experience.

You can often hear the opinion that sincere love is found in adolescence. As an example, they cite Romeo and Juliet, whose depth of feelings was so strong that they preferred to part with their lives than with each other. However, the first youthful love cannot have all the qualities of sincere love.

Falling in love is only the first impulse, which can quickly fade away or develop. Falling in love is characterized by strong, vivid emotional experiences that are not present in true love.

A sincere feeling develops over a long period of time as one gets to know one’s partner and gradually brings two people so close that one can speak of a consonance of soul. In fact, two loving people become an inextricable whole.

This kind of love does not come spontaneously. It is not a passion that is aimed primarily at satisfaction own desire. This is not a teenage crush that flares up quickly and fades away just as quickly. Real feeling does not require reciprocity.

I wonder, having heard a sincere declaration of love, is it possible to understand that this is really a real deep feeling?

How do loving people feel?

In fact, you can determine what true love should be based on 12 signs.

Then, when I was less than 15 years old, I often asked myself this question. The object of my affection was truly a hero to me in every way. I imagined him to be absolutely perfect. And she seemed awkward to herself, slightly overweight. Where can I get to him?!!

I suffered terribly. And the more often our meetings happened, the more painful it was for me. At night I cried and prayed to God to be with this man.

But in reality I could stand near the window for hours and wait for him to pass by, so that at least for a second I could enjoy his appearance. On our street, all the boys and girls knew about my “great love” for him. It is difficult for me to judge how they treated this. After all, they knew this man from their side, and they knew that he was far from a hero sad story called "falling in love". The appearance of a new passion next to him was like a bolt from the blue for me every time. I looked at these girls and asked one single question: “Why is she better than me?” And I couldn’t find an answer. He probably soon learned from someone about my feelings. But dating almost a child?! After all, he was 6 years older than me. And if this seems like a small difference to me now, then at that time it was significant.

Nevertheless, he began to show me signs of attention. We sometimes saw each other in companies. Once on New Year he came to me with a gift: a large box tied with ribbons. I stood in the entrance and almost cried with joy. For me it was great happiness! Then I heard from the guys: “Well, have you finally waited?” For some reason this phrase sounded so unpleasant from their lips. Should love be expected from a person, like alms, like a manifestation of pity?

He came to see me in the evenings. We stood in the entrance and talked. More precisely, he said. He talked about himself. Well, what could I say? I just listened to him with bated breath and kept trying to prolong the minutes of our meeting. I didn’t dare say anything in front of him; all my words and stories seemed stupid and unnecessary. And then I went into the house, into my room. I tried to mentally recreate every moment alone with him. Deep down, I understood that all this was not serious. And this made it even more painful.

It would seem that we need to rejoice. After all, what I wanted is what I achieved. He was nearby. Just nearby. And this was not enough for me. I wanted more. I wanted him to have the same feelings for me that I had for him. But I understood that this was impossible. At that time he was already an adult at 20 years old. And I'm still just a girl. And all this fell on me like a snowball, from which it became increasingly difficult to get out. I was falling into despair. On sleepless nights I wrote poetry. I didn't feel filled with joy. Our dates ended for me with the feeling that this was the last meeting...

Love cannot live next to the feeling of fear of losing this person. Now I understand it. The feeling of fear that this would be the last time haunted me. My many long-suffering poems appeared at this time.

After about a month he stopped coming. I waited every evening for his appearance. But he was still not there. Now I understand why this happened. What could I give to this person at that moment? Nothing. I wasn't a person yet. I had nothing to give. Any relationship will not last long if there is no mutual return. I'm not just talking about love. To take, you must learn to give, learn to first give love yourself. And I didn’t even dare say anything. I wasn't confident. I had nothing to be proud of. I understand that at that moment I was not ready for a real feeling. And in order to understand, to realize all this, I needed to go through it all.

I am grateful to this man because he had the wisdom not to start any relationship with me. At the time it seemed like a disaster to me. But it was he who contributed to the fact that a real disaster did not happen.

Years have passed. I grew up. There was no trace left of the former love. Why "falling in love"? Because true love is always mutual. And I never tire of repeating this to everyone. Now, from the height of acquired experience, I understand that perfect image- just a figment of my imagination. This man never had these qualities for which I so wanted to appreciate him. All my dreams were reflected in him alone. This is the same as loving an idol. We try so hard to idealize this person, equating him to God. But we forget that he is the SAME as us. He is just as sinful, just as prone to mistakes, he has the same physiological needs. It’s just that boys and girls are not yet so far from the fairy tales they read in childhood. And on an intuitive level they are looking for princesses and princes, which is far from real life.

Unrequited love makes a person become an adult, look soberly at many life situations. The first experience of relationships and personal experiences comes. And here it is important to direct emotions and feelings in the right direction. Most often, creativity can serve as an object for implementation. Often emotions are embodied in poetry, prose, someone keeps a diary, and someone depicts their feelings with paints. Love is also inspiration. Give the world a piece of yourself in art. And maybe unrequited love will help your talent emerge!

Something similar happened to me. I suffered and suffered, and at one point I realized that I could no longer keep all my emotions, feelings, and experiences to myself. I began to write poems about him, sad short stories, described my feelings in personal diary. She even published some of her works in our local newspaper. I realized that creativity is something I can do. My suffering began to be tolerated more easily, I began to realize myself. Moreover, now I am a student of the Faculty of History and Philology. Literature is now part of my specialty.

And looking back to the past, I am even grateful to my first unrequited love. Thanks to this man, I found myself. I never had a feeling of hatred or resentment towards him. No! All this is gone. I learned to forgive defeats first of all to myself. I learned to understand other people and their feelings.

Unrequited love for many is synonymous with “unhappy,” but partly, we ourselves make it so. Love in principle is a great gift. And what a blessing that God gave us such an opportunity - to love. Love sincerely and with all your soul. Take care of this feeling. After all, this is the ability to become, sooner or later, truly happy man with your other half.

, separation