Why do teenagers make cuts on their hands? Self-harm - why do teenagers harm themselves?

"I am 14 years old. When scandals at school become unbearable, I take a pocket knife and try to hurt myself as much as possible. When I don't have a knife at hand, I stick a ballpoint pen into my skin or scratch myself until I bleed. I don't know why, but when I do this, it makes me feel better. It's like I'm pulling a splinter out of my body. Everything is fine with me?" We also receive such alarming letters from teenagers.

There are also letters from parents: “My daughter is 15 years old. Recently I noticed burn marks on her arm. It’s impossible to talk about it; she takes any word I say with hostility and refuses to meet with a psychologist. I feel completely powerless and don’t know what to do now.”

Blade marks on the forearm, cigarette burns on the body, cut up legs - almost 38% of teenagers have tried to injure their body at least once. The realization that their own child is harming himself horrifies parents. The automatic, at the level of a reflex, desire to relieve him of pain encounters an unusual obstacle - the absence of an enemy and an external threat. And the question remains: “Why did he do it?”

Contact with your body

Growing children, from about 11–12 years old, change their desires, interests, behavior - their inner world becomes different. It is especially difficult for teenagers to adapt to changes in their body. Arms and legs stretch, gait changes, the plasticity of movements and voice become different. The body suddenly begins to behave willfully: erotic fantasies and treacherously spontaneous erections in boys; Menstruation, often painful in girls, can also begin at any moment - at school, during training.

“The body seems to become something separate,” says family psychotherapist Inna Khamitova. “Hurting yourself is one way to get in touch with him.” The behavior of teenagers resembles the gesture of a person who is having a bad dream: he wants to stop it, pinch himself and wake up.”

Scary world

At 37 years old, Tatiana clearly remembers those years when she cut her thighs: “I grew up in a family where it was forbidden to complain - my parents did not understand this. As a teenager, I couldn’t find the words to express everything that was tormenting me at that moment, and I began to cut myself. Now I understand that this was a way not only to deceive adults, but also to console myself: now I know why I feel so bad.”

Teenagers, damaging their bodies, experience... an infantile sense of their own omnipotence

Many modern teenagers, like Tatyana once, find it difficult to express their feelings - they don’t know themselves enough, and they are frightened by adults’ distrust of their feelings. In addition, many simply do not know how to speak openly and honestly about themselves. Having no other means to relieve mental stress, teenagers force themselves to experience pain.

“In this way they struggle with immeasurably greater suffering,” says psychotherapist Elena Vrono, “after all, it is difficult to trust yourself if you are sure that no one understands you, and the world is hostile. And even if this is not the case, the behavior of many teenagers is controlled by precisely this idea of themselves and the world.” However, their actions, which frighten adults, are not related to the desire to give up their lives. On the contrary, they confirm the desire to live - to cope with suffering and restore peace of mind.

Pain relief

The paradox of the moment is that teenagers, damaging their bodies, experience... an infantile sense of their own omnipotence. “The body remains the only reality that completely belongs only to them,” explains Inna Khamitova. - By damaging it, they can stop at any time. By controlling their body in such a wild (from the point of view of adults) way, they feel that they are controlling their lives. And this reconciles them with reality.”

And yet their frightening behavior speaks of a desire to live - to cope with suffering and regain peace of mind

Physical pain always muffles mental pain, which they cannot control, because you cannot force someone you love to love, you cannot change your parents... It can also indicate experienced violence (mental, physical or sexual).

“By showing wounds that a teenager has inflicted on himself,” says sociologist David le Breton, “he unconsciously draws attention to those that are not visible. The cruelty that children show towards themselves allows them to avoid showing it towards others. It acts in the manner of bloodletting in ancient times: it relieves excessive internal tension.”

They hurt themselves so they don't feel pain anymore. Many teens report feeling a sense of relief after self-inflicted wounds. 20-year-old Galina also writes about this: “After the cuts, moments of absolute happiness came. All the dark feelings seemed to flow out of me along with the blood. I stretched out on the bed and finally felt better.” It is this kind of peace that entails the risk of becoming dependent: destroying yourself in order to feel better. It is based on the analgesic effect of endorphins - hormones that are produced in the body to drown out pain.

Family frames

“I cut myself from about 14 to 17 years old,” recalls 27-year-old Boris. - And he stopped only when, having become a student, he left home. Today, thanks to psychoanalysis, I came to the conclusion that this is how I experienced my mother’s hostility. She didn’t want me to be born and made it clear to me every day. To her, I was the most worthless creature who would never achieve anything. I felt terrible guilt and regularly punished myself for not being worthy of her love.”

“A child who lacked tender touches in the first years of life may continue to experience this painfully as he grows up,” explains Elena Vrono. - The body, which he has never perceived as a source of pleasant sensations, remains detached, external to his personality. By injuring himself, he seems to destroy the boundary between internal and external.”

Cuts and wounds on visible parts of the body help children attract attention from adults.

Parents can increase the suffering of adolescents. “With the best of intentions, many of them try not to praise their children, as if this could spoil them,” says Inna Khamitova. - But children at any age need support and approval. They believe what we tell them. If adults constantly criticize a child, the child gets used to the idea that he is a bad (ugly, clumsy, cowardly) person. Self-harm can also become revenge for a sensitive teenager, a punishment for being so bad.”

But by hating themselves, teenagers do not understand that they actually hate others' opinions of themselves. This is confirmed by 16-year-old Anna: “I recently had a big fight with my best friend. She told me terrible things - that I didn't love anyone and that no one would ever love me. At home I felt so bad that I scratched all my knuckles on the plaster.”

The teenager thinks something like this: “At least towards myself I will act as I want.” And always cuts and wounds on visible parts of the body help children attract the attention of adults to themselves. These are signals that parents can no longer shrug off, attributing them to the peculiarities of the transition period.

Risk limit

It is important to understand the difference between single tests of strength (“Can I endure this?”), oaths of friendship written in blood, and repeated self-torture. The first are associated either with recognizing one’s “new” body and experimenting with it, searching for new sensations, or with rituals that exist among peers. These are passing signs of self-searching. Constant attempts to hurt yourself are a clear signal for parents that require contacting specialists. But in every case when teenagers show aggression towards themselves, it is necessary to understand what they want to say. And we must listen to them.

What to do?

Teenagers seek understanding and at the same time carefully protect their inner world from annoying intrusions. They want to talk - but cannot express themselves. “And therefore,” our experts believe, “perhaps the best interlocutor at this moment will not be parents, who find it difficult to remain passive listeners, but one of their relatives or acquaintances who can be nearby, sympathize and not panic.”

Sometimes all it takes to stop a child is... a good thrashing from the parents. In this paradoxical way, they make it clear that he has gone too far and express concern. But if such behavior becomes a habit or the wounds pose a threat to life, it is better to consult a psychologist without delay. It is especially important to do this in the case when a teenager withdraws into himself, begins to study poorly, feels constant drowsiness, loses appetite - such symptoms may be a sign of more serious psychological problems.

Adolescence is accompanied by psychological problems, so teenagers can express themselves by making cuts on their hands. First love, misunderstanding on the part of parents and peers - all this is difficult for the fragile psyche of a teenager.

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Processing means

If the wound is not treated, purulent inflammation may begin and without treatment the consequences will be more severe than just a scar. It is dangerous when the places where the veins are cut are cut.

In medical practice, there have been cases when gangrene began from a simple cut, and the limb had to be amputated.

If dirt has already gotten into the wound, remove it. To do this, you can use tweezers or a sterile bandage twisted into a flagellum. Treat a clean wound with an antiseptic.

The most common medications at home:

Hydrogen peroxide;
Chlorhexidine bigluconate;

Hydrogen peroxide will be especially effective; upon contact with the wound, it will form bubbles that will remove germs and bring them to the surface. If pharmaceutical preparations are not at hand, then a 2% solution of table salt, vodka or an infusion of pharmaceutical chamomile will do; they will not be able to heal cuts on the wrists.

You can stick an adhesive plaster on top or wrap it with a bandage over your cut hand. For minor wounds common to teenagers, these measures will be sufficient. For deeper cuts, if a guy or girl cuts veins, the wounds need to be treated at the emergency room. If the bleeding does not stop, a vein may be affected.

You need to go to the emergency room, and not come up with an excuse for your mother. Another danger is the possibility of hitting the tendons. You need to see a doctor to maintain full functionality of your arm.

Warning - don't cut yourself or try to cut anything, it's dangerous, even if it doesn't hurt.

Treatment methods

Treatment depends on their depth and quantity. Minor injuries, with a minimal amount of blood, do not require treatment methods other than conventional antibacterial treatment.

To help a deep cut heal faster, you can use special ointments. If they are deep enough, medical intervention may be required to stitch them up. You won’t be able to cut yourself painlessly; the pain will be very annoying, but it will remain a reminder.

There is no point in healing cuts; unresolved psychological problems will lead to self-flagellation. The right decision would be a heart-to-heart conversation with people who have gone through a similar period in their lives, or, alternatively, turning to a psychologist.

How to hide damage

After inflicting injuries, there will be a desire to hide the cuts from the views of others.

Parents, even mothers, are unlikely to appreciate this behavior, and teachers will report it to a social worker.

For wounds, places are chosen that are easy to hide with clothing.

You can hide cuts using:

Women's foundation;
Powders;
Grima.

It is much more difficult to hide cut hands from family and in the hot season. A popular accessory is tattoo sleeves - no one will notice under the image printed on the fabric. The wrists are hidden under various baubles and decorations.

One option is to constantly use bandages. Having bandaged a limb, you can lie about the real reasons for the bandage, because bandages are also used for bruises.

The easiest method is to wear long sleeves.

But it is far from effective - the sleeve can ride up at any moment, revealing cut hands. Clothes will still have to be removed in different situations. There is essentially no point in hiding cuts - the secret will be revealed, this can happen even in a banal photo.

To disguise and cover up traces in conscious age, people often use tattoos and large pictures.

Teenage problems

Why do they cut veins? Often one of the forms of self-expression is conscious damage to the body. A child (mostly from 13 years old) wants to scratch himself, cause himself pain, or make a wound on his arm.

For many teenagers, shallow cuts are especially common due to the accessibility of the limb.

At this age, changes occur that are completely incomprehensible to a teenager. Girls get periods and breasts grow, boys have erections and wet dreams. Pubic hair begins to grow. If you do not first tell your child about future changes in the body, it will come as a shock.

If a child’s physiological changes occur earlier than those of his peers, then his alienation is natural, and cuts will be a consequence of the desire to return to his usual body.

The attempt to open the veins is explained by the fact that the teenager wants to draw attention to himself and his experiences. This behavior is like wanting to pinch yourself during a nightmare. Under the influence of hormones, the worldview changes dramatically, and reality somewhat loses its boundaries.

The body becomes the only stronghold, and to confirm reality, teenagers inflict wounds on themselves. Many of them claim that along with the bleeding, all the negativity and dark thoughts came out of them. Cutting does not always indicate a desire to commit suicide.

On the contrary, by throwing out negative emotions, the child confirms his desire to continue living. Suicidal people do not want to share their problems with others, and they consider showing cuts to be right, trying to attract attention. Most of these eye-catching cuts simply scratch the top layer of skin and are not life-threatening.

Psychologists are inclined to believe that by injuring himself, a teenager unconsciously shows that he has internal problems.

This cruelty towards one’s body is suppressed aggression towards other members of society. This action is similar to medieval bloodletting - it reduces internal pressure. Often teenagers do more than just harm themselves.

You can find inscriptions and memorable dates on your hands. The child makes it clear to others what is bothering him. This is accompanied by listening to depressive music and viewing corresponding images on the Internet.

After self-harm, the teenager feels relief, somewhat similar to the relief of a drug addict after receiving the coveted dose. This occurs because the body produces endorphins - happiness hormones - to drown out pain.

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Healing time

The healing process does not depend on one factor. The depth of the wounds, immunity and antibacterial treatment of the hand with a cut play a big role.

An inflamed, deeply cut wound will take much longer to heal. The cut may take several days to several weeks to heal. But if you damage the skin on your arm or leg over and over again, you will have to wait a long time for healing. And, new wounds mean real problems.

In most cases, the desire to cut goes away along with adolescence, you just need to survive this period.

It’s bad if a child wants to close his soul and immerse himself in himself, because he has no one to talk to. In the future, this is fraught with the development of complexes, chronic depression and other psychological problems, especially older girls.

If you notice even minor scratches on the veins of your left or right hand, then remember that the most important thing to begin with is to establish contact with others, and all problems will go away.

Why are injuries dangerous?

With cuts (even a finger) and wounds, a large vessel, artery, or nerve can be damaged. If dangerous microorganisms enter and the wound is not treated, you may even lose an arm or leg.

If gangrene begins or a non-healing trophic wound forms, they will become a life-threatening source of infection. In medical practice, there are cases when a decision is made to amputate to save a person’s life.

At the inflammatory stage, complications such as purulent leaks and phlegmon occur. This occurs when the pus that forms in the wound does not come out, but into the surrounding tissues or into the cavities between them.

If, after receiving an injury, the condition of the whole body began to deteriorate sharply, fever and weakness appeared, then you should urgently consult a doctor.

Caring for deep injuries

If the wound surface is regarded as large, even in the subjective opinion of the wounded person, seek medical help. Cuts longer than 1.5-2 cm will take a long time to heal on their own, cause discomfort and will probably lead to complications.

See your doctor. The same applies to wounds that bring unbearable pain (possible damage to a nerve branch), or wounds that are accompanied by profuse, continuous bleeding.

Medium-sized wounds and cuts cannot always be treated with surgery. But when any wound is sutured, it will always heal faster.

Medical care includes: treatment of the wound, excision (circumcision) of the edges of the wound, stopping bleeding, suturing. Sometimes sutures can be placed a little later, when the inflammatory process in the wound decreases.

The wound dressing must be changed daily. In the first week, a wet-dry bandage is applied, then they switch to ointment ones.

Antiseptic drugs are used in wet dressings. Ointments for treating wounds consist of antimicrobial agents and substances that promote healing. For example, ointment is used: levomikol, levosin, methyluracil.

At the same time, a prophylactic course of broad-spectrum antibiotics is prescribed.

How to hide

I don’t want to answer unnecessary questions at school, from my mother or neighbors, about what these suspicious stripes are on the child’s forearms or legs. The most important question is how to get rid of characteristic scars. You can disguise small marks from a blade on your hand using a regular foundation with a dense texture.

Methods used:

Green dense corrector to disguise acne, and on top - powder or foundation;
Artistic tattoos;
Bracelets, baubles;
Clothes with long sleeves.

Later, when the cuts are completely healed and healed, laser skin resurfacing can be done. But first you will still have to consult with a good dermatologist to determine how safe and effective the procedure will be.

Loss of consciousness

Due to excessive blood loss or fear of blood, a person who receives a deep cut may lose consciousness. Everyone should know what to do in case of a cut, if the victim has fainted or is in a pre-fainting state, because such a condition can be life-threatening.

To prevent fainting, you must:

Open windows and doors wide, creating a draft and air flow from the street;
Unbutton the victim’s collar, loosen the tie, remove jewelry from the neck that may interfere with the flow of oxygen;
Give the person cool water to drink;
Turn on the air conditioner nearby;
The victim should breathe deeply if he is still conscious;
A person on the verge of fainting has his upper lip and earlobes massaged;
Rubbing your cheeks vigorously helps prevent you from fainting.

If these methods do not give the desired result, the cotton wool is moistened with ammonia and given to the person who is fainting to sniff.

When do you need a doctor?

If a person cuts himself, he should consult a doctor if:

The wound is more than 2 centimeters deep;
The bleeding does not stop for more than 10 minutes;
There are glass shards or other objects in the wound;
A person cuts himself with a contaminated object;
When a child or an elderly person is injured;
Change in skin color, numbness and presence of pus on the second day;
General hyperemia and weakness;
Poor wound healing after a week.

If you get a cut from something dirty, you should get a tetanus vaccination.

My life in psychology, psychotherapy, and training began with working with teenagers. What we didn’t do... Communication groups, sex education groups, “say goodbye to drugs,” a club for teenagers, where we went hiking, played ChGK, organized quest games, a school for young journalists. At some point, Sivka was taken on steep hills and I switched to the calmer adult group. Well, yes, that’s what it seemed to me at first))) I worked with parents for many years, and to this day moms and dads often turn to me for advice. Mostly mothers. And lately I’ve been thinking more and more about returning to working with teenagers too. For one simple reason - there are so few good soul therapists for teenagers. And children enter adolescence earlier and they have more problems, not less, because our world is changing faster and faster. I see them, confused, lonely, self-conscious of their growing bodies and hiding behind their long bangs that typical teenage no-one-loves-me-and-I-don’t-much-myself expression. I feel terrible for them - after all, we all had to go through this hell called youth.

But now I’m talking more about my parents. Sometimes they just want information about what is going on with the child. Over the past two months, three mothers have contacted me, frightened by cuts on their children’s hands, so I decided to write more about it.

If you rummage through the forums and blogs of teenagers, self-harm (as it is scientifically called) does not come up very rarely. More often these are small multiple cuts, sometimes burns, on areas of the body covered by clothing - on the arms, on the thighs, on the stomach. It does not look very attractive and loved ones, as a rule, are horrified when they find traces of cuts. There are many myths about self-harm:

Myth 1: This is how they try to attract attention.

The sad truth is that people usually hide traces of self-harm and do not try to manipulate loved ones in this way. They are embarrassed by their scars and are afraid that someone will find them, this is one of the reasons why it is difficult for them to seek help.

Myth 2: These are psychos, they are dangerous.

More often than not, these people suffer from heartache, serious problems, or past trauma, just like millions of other people. Self-harm is their way of dealing with pain. They are no crazier than most of those around them and labeling them as psychos only makes the situation worse.

Myth 3: These are suicide attempts

No. People who cut or burn themselves are not trying to die. They are trying to overcome mental pain. “Cut this emptiness,” as one patient said. In fact, these cuts are sometimes what allow them to live. Although in the long term the risk of suicide in these people is higher than average, it is not because of cutting, of course, but because of long-term depression.

Myth 4: If the cuts are not serious, then it’s okay

Just because the cuts are superficial doesn't mean the pain isn't deep. Please do not think that there is nothing to worry about - “it will go away on its own.” This is a symptom of serious mental problems that must be dealt with.

Those who cut their hands and do other harm say that this action brings pain relief and peace. The ritual itself - locking a door, breaking a razor or other blade, a bandage, hiding it under a sleeve - replaces the strong, all-consuming feeling that owns a person and helps to cope with it.

In addition or in addition to this, self-harm serves to “wake up” and restore contact with reality. Just as we sometimes want to pinch ourselves to make sure that this is not a dream, so a cut, burn or other injury returns or enhances the sense of reality. Patients often talk about how cutting helps them return from a state of “frozenness,” depression, the unreality of this world and helps them escape from the feeling of emptiness and meaninglessness.

Who are they?

Many researchers have tried to determine what traits people have that are prone to self-harm. There is nothing surprising here, everything is quite logical. Low self-esteem, lack of flexible adaptation skills, high sensitivity to rejection, increased anxiety, tendency to suppress anger, etc. The majority of those suffering from this syndrome are teenage girls and young women, usually well educated and with highly developed intelligence.

There are several approaches to explain the origin of this syndrome.

Biological: cutting and other self-harm really alleviates mental suffering, unbearable tension and pain, brings peace by releasing endorphins (natural drug-like substances produced in our body), therefore, when repeating these ritual actions, not only psychological, but also partially physical dependence occurs.

Psychological: Among the women who cut and burn themselves, many are those who were abused as children and experienced trauma, often sexual. There are theories linking violence and self-harm. Violence usually leaves the victim feeling helpless and lacking control over what is happening. While self-mutilation is also violence, at the same time there is a certain feeling of control over the situation, since the person does it himself. For some victims of sexual assault, this can make them feel protected from assault by making them unattractive and “unfit” for the abuser.

There is also a psychological theory that cutting is a symbol of self-punishment for some “sins”, internal anger or a feeling of “dirty”. This may be an unconscious desire to redirect anger from an external source onto oneself, a way of expressing aggression, sexual instincts, or any other strong repressed feelings. Sometimes “punishment” follows incontinence in eating; cutting is associated with eating disorders. The girl is trying to lose weight, once again raids the refrigerator and “takes revenge” on herself by cutting her hand. Or he tries to restrain himself from a bout of gluttony with the pain of a cut.

Sometimes this can be one of the manifestations of borderline personality type. Such people suffer from a very strong fear that their loved ones will abandon them, abandon them, and cannot cope with enormous emotions in any other way. In this case, cuts may just be part of the manipulations with which a person tries to tie loved ones to himself and attract attention. Although, most likely, this manipulation is unconscious.

Self-harm means something different to each person, but very often it is the inability to express feelings in another way. For some reason, these people (most often girls and young women) did not learn or were unable to express their emotions because they were not heard. Cuts serve as a kind of language for them, with which they try to speak out, express their pain, and enter into dialogue with people who are significant to them.

What to do about it?

“Cutting your hands does not mean solving the problem”, “You are only making it worse for yourself”, “This will become a habit”, “In 10-15 years you will suffer because of these ugly scars”, “If I see you at least one more cut..."

These or similar phrases are heard by each of those whose scars are discovered by loved ones. Not that it helps. After all, the problem is not the cuts, they are only a symptom. Trying to stop cutting without understanding the roots of the problem is doomed to failure. At the same time, it is completely natural that loved ones, and especially parents, experience fear, shock and even disgust when they discover cuts on the hands of a teenager, friend, or girlfriend (see myths). Therefore, first you need to cope with your feelings and calm down.

After this, it makes sense to carefully find out what is happening. Talking about this topic will not be easy, but hiding your suspicions and fears is even worse. This is a dead end. Be prepared for the fact that the person will not want to immediately talk about what is happening. That is, simply put, you will be sent away in one form or another. There is no need to pin anyone against the wall, but be sure to say that you noticed the cuts, you are worried and it is important for you to know what is happening to him. You are ready to wait until your friend or loved one is ready to talk, but you definitely need to talk. It’s definitely not worth condemning and criticizing, it will only get worse. There is enough shame and guilt for those who struggle with mental pain in this way.

There is no need for any ultimatums, threats or punishments. One of my patients, a young woman, said that her boyfriend posed the question bluntly: “Either you stop cutting your hands, or I’m leaving you.” Needless to say, this didn't help? It is much more important to offer a person the opportunity to turn to you at any moment when he experiences the very pain, fear, tension that makes him grab the blade.

When talking, focus on the feelings that lead the person to cut themselves, rather than on the actions themselves. Think together about how you can help. Will it be easier for him if he just speaks out, or does he need specific advice? Self-harm is often typical of teenagers and young people who find it difficult to communicate, much less talk about such intimate things. It might be easier to write. The epistolary genre is experiencing an electronic renaissance and this should not be underestimated. Sometimes what is difficult to say can be formulated in a letter - no one rushes you, interrupts you, or interferes with your choice of words. Suggest this type of conversation or ask it by writing first.

If the ice has already broken and you are talking about this topic more or less openly, try to find out more specifically what makes a person cut himself. What are these feelings and what is their reason? Encourage him to think about it himself. Finding out the cause is the first step to liberation, because, knowing what is going on, you can try various techniques that can alleviate the situation and prevent self-harm.

Here are some “home remedies” to cope with the situation. They often turn out to be effective.

If a person cuts themselves to express severe pain or intense feelings, you can:

Draw, draw, scribble on a large sheet of paper with red ink, paint or felt-tip pens
Write about your feelings in a diary. At the same time, it’s better on paper and it doesn’t matter what. Let it be one hundred and thirty-seven times “I don’t know what to do, I’m mad, I hate, I’m scared...” Whatever.
Write poetry or a song about what is happening to you. Or draw a picture. Depends on what you are inclined towards.
Write down what you feel on paper, and then tear it into shreds and burn it.
Listen to music that expresses your feelings. Actually, the emo subculture is largely built on this, among which self-harm is very common.

If a person is trying to calm down and relieve anxiety, you can

Take a bath or warm shower
Play or walk with your pets. In general, in such a situation, you should think about getting a cat or dog, if, of course, you want to. Communication with animals helps a lot.
Wrap yourself up in something warm and cozy
Massage your neck, arms, legs and feet.
Listen to calm music

If a person feels emptiness, loneliness, “frozenness”, isolation from the world:

If cutting serves to release anger or relieve tension, you can:

Do some exercise - run, jump rope, dance or hit a special bag or punching bag.
You can also beat a pillow, you can bite it and scream with all your might.
Inflate and pop balloons
Tear paper or magazines
Organize a concert of “percussion instruments” using improvised means in the form of saucepans or other “drums”.

Ubiquitous British scientists advise trying the following as “replacement therapy”:

Use a red pen or felt-tip pen to draw stripes where cuts are usually made.
Apply an ice cube several times to areas where cuts are usually made.
Wear a rubber bracelet on your wrist that you can twist instead of cutting yourself.

Home remedies do not always help, and if you see that the situation is not improving, it is best, of course, to consult a specialist - a psychologist or psychotherapist. I know that many are afraid that such a person will be labeled as a “psycho,” especially when it comes to cutting (again, see the myths). But professionals are familiar with this problem and know that in most cases there is no smell of psychiatry here. Self-harm is an effective mechanism for coping with mental pain and emotional difficulties, developed and internalized by this person. In order to replace it with something healthier, you need long-term painstaking work to identify the causes and patiently build mental “muscles” that can withstand stress without such extreme actions.

Psychotherapy carefully reveals the deep personal meaning of the act of self-harm for a particular person and, at the same time, helps to develop skills of resilience and self-control. Most therapists do not require immediate cessation of cutting as a condition of therapy, but most often set certain boundaries. Thus, some types of therapy require the client to call the therapist any time he feels the urge to cut himself. Often talking to a therapist is enough to prevent this. If the client does cut themselves, they cannot contact the therapist for 24 hours afterwards.

Psychotherapy in this case (as in others, however) largely teaches a person to get in touch with his feelings, understand what is happening to him now, how to react to it and how to cope with it. In general, psychotherapy is about learning and about growing those parts of the mental organism that for some reason did not grow naturally. And growing anything is not a quick process. And failures happen, and relapses. So there is no need to be scared and even more so to despair.

As always, I have good news for you. Sometimes cuts on the hands are a kind of “growing pain” that goes away on its own. Therefore, there is no need to panic right away. And not right away either. Talk, love, observe and be patient. Remember the main thing is that it is always a person’s lack of contact with the outside world. Therefore, the most important thing is to nurture and cherish this contact.

During adolescence, a child learns to independently solve the problems that confront him, often by trial and error. Teenagers without a sound vector (owners of any other seven vectors) have quite understandable material desires, and the point of application of effort is more obvious for them. What should teenagers do with a sound vector whose desires are in no way connected with the material world?

In my practice as a child psychiatrist, I often encounter adolescents who, upon examination, reveal self-cuts on their hands and traces of self-cauterization with cigarettes and other methods of self-harm. If these are boys 14-16 years old, then they often enlist through the military registration and enlistment office. If they are girls, it means that the teenager’s relatives or teachers noticed the self-cutting and self-harm and sounded the alarm. Most likely, there are even more such girls than I see at the reception. In this article I will talk about those children who hide such actions. They realize that they did something wrong. They wear long, tight sleeves to hide self-cuts on their arms from family and at school. Sometimes a tattoo is made over the scar to disguise self-cuts, self-harm and burns. What happens to such children? Why do they self-harm?

Why do teenagers self-cut and self-harm on their hands?

Nobody causes physical harm to themselves suddenly, out of the blue! Parents often comment on this in their own way: “You’re a fool, that’s why you did/did it!” Is it so? Or: “It’s from stress!” What kind of stress would cause a child to cut himself voluntarily?

Every person strives to gain joy from life. Do those actions that make him live well. But in the case of these children it does not work out that way. They can't live happily!

From conversations with teenagers who come with self-cutting and self-harm on their hands, I understand that these are the owners of a skin-sound ligament of vectors. Sometimes there are other vectors, for example visual, anal. Modern teenagers in large cities and especially megalopolises are complex, they are often polymorphic, owners of 3-5 vectors, with a large psyche, and it can be difficult to understand the reasons for their behavior. But with the help of system-vector psychology Yuri Burlan this is possible.

The meaning of adolescence. Causes of self-cutting and self-harm in adolescents. The role of the sound vector

After adolescence, the development of vectors ends, and in the future a person realizes the volume of psyche that he acquired in the process of development before puberty. During adolescence, a child learns to independently solve the problems that confront him, often by trial and error. Teenagers without (owners of any other seven vectors) have quite understandable material desires, and the point of application of effort is more obvious for them. What should teenagers do with a sound vector whose desires are in no way connected with the material world? At the same time, they have no information about themselves, about their psyche, and they do not understand what is happening to them.

The sound vector is a mental dominant. It is the sound vector that strives to reveal the intangible world, the plan of the World Order. This is his main desire, and when it is not fulfilled, a person experiences mental suffering. It often begins in adolescence. During this period, a lot of new things happen for the child. Hormonal changes in the body begin, the desire to please the opposite sex appears, the desire to establish yourself in the teenage team, to find your place. And then the question arises about the meaning of life.

If earlier philosophy, music, and physics eased the condition of sound people and occupied their minds, now they no longer do. Thus, dissatisfaction gradually begins to grow in the teenager’s sound vector. Especially if he grew up or is growing up in an unfavorable sound environment - he hears screams and quarrels of his parents, unwanted meanings addressed to him.

A teenager with a sound vector needs to strain his abstract intellect, given to him by nature, but he does not know the peculiarities of his psyche, often does not know his abilities. He doesn’t understand where he wants to study - everything is “not right” for him, so he enters an educational institution on the advice of his parents or wherever he has to.

It may turn out that a formerly excellent student, winner of olympiads in mathematics and physics, going at random, finds himself in an environment where he fails to properly apply the innate properties of the sound vector. And the lack of sound in him grows and grows, pressing down more and more. They say about such children: “he used to be the hope of the school, but nothing worthwhile grew out of him, he achieved nothing.” I mean, he couldn’t realize himself in society because of the suffering in his sound vector, which he himself doesn’t know what to do with.

Communicating in the company of peers, the teenager notices that he is not like everyone else, as if out of this world. He can’t live like others (people without a sound vector), no matter how hard he tries!

I often came across teenagers who, in depressed states, went to wander around the city and cemeteries at night. Their parents were looking for them, the police were looking for them. They were attributed to deviant behavior and vagrancy. They often look for places where it is dark, quiet and no one else is there. The cemetery turns out to be one of those places where only you and your thoughts about the meaning of life. "Leave me alone!" - this desire of a sound person is not in the best condition.

A person with a sound vector who cannot fulfill his desire for the intangible in the material world of leisure and entertainment, even if it includes study and part-time work, may suffer from real sound depression. Depression in adolescents with a sound vector is a common occurrence. Rarely do any parents or even children themselves realize this.

At my appointment, I had only a few requests from teenagers complaining of depression and its symptoms. Most often, a girl or boy tries to imitate their environment. Have fun and live like them. But it doesn't work out. An unfilled sound vector hurts unbearably, so much so that there is no greater mental pain. And then they find some way out that temporarily alleviates their condition - they cause self-harm.

The role of the skin vector in the cause of self-cutting and self-harm in adolescents

The tendency to self-harm and self-cutting occurs in skin-sound adolescents who were subjected to physical punishment in childhood.

The importance of the emotional connection between parent and teenager

Noticing self-harm in the hands of a teenager, parents are often shocked and cannot understand what is happening. Until recently there was a good boy or girl and suddenly it turns into who knows what! He doesn’t listen, stays out late, is rude, and then there are these self-cuts on his hands, strange changes in behavior. What to do if you can’t achieve a productive dialogue with a teenager? How to regain a teenager's trust?

It is important to understand the characteristics of your child’s psyche and adolescence as such. This is a special stage for both the teenager and the parents. Understanding what is happening to him will allow you to establish a confidential dialogue between you and help him cope with difficulties. Even if a high-quality emotional connection was not previously created with the child, now this can be done with the help of the System-Vector Psychology training by Yuri Burlan.

Register for the free online training “System-vector psychology” to better understand yourself and your child. Give Sound Soul a Chance.

Proofreader: Natalya Konovalova

The article was written based on training materials “ System-vector psychology»

When children reach adolescence, parents encounter a whole range of problems in their behavior. As you know, all children are different, and their differences become especially visible during this period. Some people go through this stage of growing up easier, while others have difficulties. Of course, parents are now primarily afraid that their son or daughter will be involved in some kind of criminal activity, or that he or she will become addicted to alcohol, drugs, or turn into a gambling addict. This is, of course, terrible, but, nevertheless, that’s not all.

It is not very common to talk about this phenomenon. To others, such behavior is stupid, foolish, or “a cheap way to attract attention.” Families usually try to hide this fact, regarding it as a shame and a defect in their upbringing. However, this problem is much more complex and broader than it seems at first glance.

Self-harm includes a wide range of different types of harmful effects on oneself. And although, in principle, smoking can also be classified as self-harm, the term primarily refers to the infliction of various kinds of wounds and bruises. And the most important thing in this case is the absence of suicidal intentions. That is, the teenager injures himself, but does not want to kill himself.

In total, 1-4% of the population engages in self-harm. The vast majority of them are teenagers, but there are also adults. Of course, there are those who harm themselves in some way only once in their entire lives. However, for some people this behavior becomes habitual.

Among teenagers who practice self-harm, 13% do it more than once a week, 20% several times a month under the influence of a certain type of stress (for example, only after a quarrel with their girlfriend or boyfriend). But for some teenagers, the reason for self-harm can be anything, any situation that causes anxiety or tension.

Usually self-inflicted injuries occur for 2 main reasons. The teenager either has too many emotions that he cannot cope with and the pain from self-harm gives them an outlet. Or there are no emotions at all, he feels insensitive and inflicting a wound or bruise on himself gives him the opportunity to feel alive. Be that as it may, after inflicting pain on oneself, the teenager feels not only relief, but also euphoria. Some say that pain and flowing blood cause very pleasant experiences that interrupt the negative emotions that tormented them before the act of self-harm.

There are 3 main theories that explain why this behavior may recur:

Serotonin– Some people have insufficient levels of serotonin in the brain and, therefore, cope less well with stressful situations. Pain causes a rise in serotonin and improves overall well-being.

Opiate– when a wound or bruise is inflicted, the brain’s anti-pain system (antinociceptive) begins to act. Opiates, produced in the brain, are our primary natural pain reliever. Thanks to them, severe pain can be dulled. In addition, these substances can cause euphoria. A person who regularly injures himself can become hooked on these effects and repeat them over and over again.

Cortisol– Cortisol is a stress hormone. In order for the body to cope with the harmful effects of the environment, this hormone must reach a certain level and involve other body systems in the “stress cascade”. Thanks to it, every link and every organ begins to work in “stress mode”, protecting us from external harm.

“Harmfulness” is not only poisons, toxins or infections, it is also psychosocial stress, which often develops in adolescents. Studies have shown that in some adolescents, after an acute reaction to stress, which is characterized by a sharp rise in cortisol, as should be normal, the level of this hormone drops below normal. On the one hand, this is an adaptation to constant stress, on the other hand, it is a situation where it is not possible to completely process stress. Bruises and cuts, which are acute stress, raise cortisol levels and can become that “kick” that helps a teenager “digest” his social problems.

External causes of self-harm can be:

1. Dysfunctional family (divorce or the situation “we will live together only for the sake of the children”)

2. Perfectionism of the teenager and his environment. If you haven't done everything perfectly, you deserve punishment and there is no forgiveness for you.

3. Influence of friends. There are situations when friends provide a model of behavior in difficult life situations.

4. Experienced sexual violence.

5. Information in the media when self-harm is presented as a solution to a problem. “The boy cut his wrists, and immediately everyone around him realized that they were wrong.”

In general, there are 3 types of self-harm:

impulsive– when a teenager hurts himself under the influence of a strong influx of emotions. This happens automatically, without thinking or even maturing the intention to do it.

Stereotypical– monotonous application, most often of bruises. Such self-harm is often characteristic of people with mental retardation and those who suffer from autism of varying degrees of severity.

Compulsive- occurring under the influence of obsessive thoughts.

In addition, the severity of self-harm can be:

Severe – life-threatening.

Moderate severity - requiring medical intervention and treatment.

Lungs - those that do not require medical intervention or those that require a minimal amount of assistance.

Conditions that can lead to self-harm are not always associated with poorly tolerated stress.

The most severe wounds, such as slit throats and insertion of sewing needles into veins, are inflicted on themselves by adolescents suffering from mental illnesses such as schizophrenia, bipolar affective disorder, depersonalization disorder, post-traumatic stress syndrome, and depression.

But even if these diseases are excluded, the teenager still needs help.

Why should a teenager need help, even if he is not mentally ill?

Some people may become addicted to this behavior, given the involvement of endogenous opiates in the process. Accordingly, self-harm can be used for pleasure.

Forming the habit of solving problems through self-injury. Needless to say, people around get scared and become more accommodating.

Formation of a behavioral scheme, which is included in all life activities and self-aggression becomes an ordinary routine.

Self-harm becomes a way to respond to stress. Those. It’s easier to hurt yourself than to solve something constructively.

Despite the fact that it may seem that the teenager is doing all this on purpose, he actually often finds it difficult to say why he cut himself or did something like that. At the moment of an attack on one’s body, consciousness may narrow and awareness of behavior may drop significantly.

In other words, if a child cannot tell his parents how he came to live this way, it is likely that he really does not know. Yes, you can say that you “finished it”, but in reality this will not always be the answer to the question.

Some teenagers commit aggressive actions towards themselves in a truly demonstrative manner. If we talk about self-cuts in such cases, they are usually thin and superficial. It is clear that the man spared himself. They are often done in prominent places, but never on the face or hands. At the same time, attention is drawn to behavior in which the teenager seeks to arouse pity and guilt in others, tries to openly manipulate, and threatens to harm himself again if others behave in a way he does not like.

There is an opinion among people that one should not pay attention to such manipulators and provocateurs. However, the teenager does this not to annoy his parents, but also because of personal problems. This means that he does not cope with his life's difficulties differently. Often, parents with such a child begin to play a game of who is stronger in will and character, and the child, in an attempt to prove that his threats are not empty, but real, causes significant harm to himself or commits involuntary suicide. Those. death is not planned as such, it just happens that way.

If this happens, it is advisable to consult the child with a psychiatrist. If someone is afraid of registering, you can contact a private doctor. This is necessary to decide whether the child has a mental illness or whether it is a disorder of adaptation or problems in his life that he cannot solve. Depending on what the doctor finds, it will be possible to decide exactly how much help will be needed.

Perhaps this will be psychotherapy, or perhaps the use of psychotropic substances will be required. Basically in this case we are talking about a course of antidepressants, tranquilizers or mood stabilizers (drugs that equalize mood). I myself am not a big supporter of tranquilizers, since they can also cause addiction. And, of course, pills don’t solve problems and don’t teach new skills. Need psychotherapy.

And all this will work quite poorly if the teenager does not have family support. If they look at him as a traitor and a madman who cannot be trusted. Perhaps parents themselves will need to look at themselves from the outside and take steps towards changes within the family.